10 month old still not STTN and I feel like a failure

[Retpark101]

DD is 10 months old and has never slept through, the most she’s done is 4 hours in a row.

Currently she is rocked to sleep for naps and bedtime, I have tried everything else including CC which after a week didn’t get any better at all.

I’m still breastfeeding so have resigned to letting her feed during the night as she generally just needs this to go back to sleep. Until these last 2 weeks.

She keeps waking up crying, she won’t be rocked to sleep at bedtime, infact right now she is laid next to me in bed screaming crying. I’ve cuddled her and fed her etc she has been doing this for 2 hours now.

Can there really be babies who are THIS BAD at sleeping? I feel like such a failure of a mum, all my friends babies STTN, they go to sleep in their pushchair/car seat etc.

I feel like somewhere I really went wrong, I darent even ask my mum to babysit in the evening as I know DD will just scream until she is rocked (which poor mum can’t do anymore as DD is understandably too heavy)

I guess I’m just wondering if there’s anyone else out there wotha TERRIBLE sleeper, or who has a terrible sleeper and they suddenly grew out of it?

My 22 month old was awake from 2 until 6.30 last night. He slept through the night from 6 months until 10 months, i thought I had a sleeper. Now hes up every few hours. My oldest never slept through the night until he was 5 or 6. You get used to it, I now average only need about 5 hours sleep and I'm fine.

My Dd1 didn't sleep through until she started school. Even then she had to go to bed later in the evening.

DD was awful. Grew out of it just before two... just in time for baby number two. He slept/ fed in line with the book.

This is normal!!

Mine would wake in the night to feed (though he happily went back to sleep with that) until he was 18 months old. When he slept 7-7, and ever since has been the best sleeper ever with no issues about sleeping anywhere, through noise, and through teeth/illness etc.

Totally normal and remember your friends are lying!!

Teething pain - some DC sail through and some are utterly done in by every tiny twinge. Anbesol, calpol, dummy, teether, whatever it takes to relieve the pain.

I went back to work at 8 months while DS was still feeding 2-3x every night. I was a broken shell. Thought he'd never sleep through. At 18m he did for a bit then regressed. But around 2 he got it again and at 2.5 he still usually does. It's been so magical we even managed to conceive DC2 which seemed a good idea at the time but now I'm not so sure

I don’t think a 10 month old not sleeping through makes them a TERRIBLE sleeper - I don’t know where this myth has come from that babies suddenly sleep through the night when they are just a few months old. I think mine was about 12 or 13 months when he started sleeping through - but even now at 18 months he’ll still occasionally wake because of teething, if he’s got a bit of a cold, lost his dummy or sometimes no reason at all. That’s just how children are.

My daughter began sleeping a lot better when

a) she started walking. I think she got more tired and needed longer periods of sleep to recharge.

b) when I stopped breastfeeding. She'd have been about 13 months. While many people are committed to breastfeeding for a longer periods, breast milk is so digestible that do babies get hungry again more quickly, (She seemed less hungry for milk by this point anyway.)

My first slept like a dream from about 9 months. My second at 2 still never sleeps. It's nothing you have done. Some kids just don't sleep. I am going to relish their teen years when they want to sleep til noon and I will be waking them at dawn with the hoover.

I think the problem is in my circle of friend and family, nobody ever (they could be lying) got a bad sleeper. I think the worst was my brother who slept through at 4 months!

Everytime someone asks if she’s sleeping through yet, I say no and I get-
“You need to let her cry”
“It’s because you breastfeed”
“It’s because you rocked her a lot as a newborn”
“You pick her up too much”

So I rack my brain thinking about what I did wrong as it feels like I spoilt her too much (I’m a FTM and cuddle and hold her a lot which I actually really enjoy) but especially my mum, will say I have made her too attached.

Reading your replies has made me feel a lot more normal!

My ds is 10 and still a poor sleeper, from 11 to 6.00, doesn't affect him. From about 7 years he stayed in his own room once gone to bed. His sleep did improve from about 3 ish, it took weeks of gradual withdrawal to get there. I feel your pain, but it will get better if not perfect

You are not doing anything wrong I assure you, and most importantly you are not a failure as a mum. Waking in the night is both biologically normal at this age and in many ways protective and there is a lot of research to suggest it may actually have an evolutionary basis. It may feel like everyone else has a sleeping child but what research there is on the subject really doesn’t bear this out. Sarah Ockwell Smith of the Gentle Parenting book series writes really reassuringly on this, and is well worth googling. I have two children, both of whom are yet to sleep through the night (one of four, one of almost two) and I say this not to scare you but you reassure you that you are by no means alone in this. As knackering and as hard as it is I have finally, finally reached the point at which I no longer see my children’s sleep habits as a reflection on my parenting skills and that has been a game changer for me as it relieves alot of the pressure from the situation.

I was writing my post in a rush because it was time to get my non-sleeping wonderchild up for school, but user148etcetc makes a good point just after me.
Although no one seems to talk about it, babies who don't sleep are quite common, but the screaming for hours at a time might not be. Does she usually do that? If it is a regular thing, there might a reason that can be sorted out (reflux? allergy?) and might be worth seeing a dr about.
I also wanted to emphasise that your baby's refusal to sleep is not your fault and not something you are doing wrong, some babies are just horrible at sleeping. I always said that DD2 was great as long as you didn't want to sleep ever.

You are not a failure! Honestly, it’s normal for them not to. I have 5dc, 2 slept through the night from very early. 2 were just sleeping through by the time they turned 2. Dc5 still only sleeps through 3/4 nights out of 7 at 2y 3m.

And as an aside, never let anyone make you question your instincts to hold and cuddle and comfort your child as you are doing. These moments are so precious and will form such wonderful memories for you and a fantastic foundation for attachment. Never will you look back and regret being a loving, responsive, cuddle-ready mummy.

From 4 months through to 8 months my DS woke up every 40 mins to an hour and a half. Very occasionally we got a 2 hour stretch if we were very lucky. Then, all of a sudden at 8 months he started doing 4-5 hour stretches. I hadn't changed a thing, it just happened one day. He's almost 9 and a half months now and still wakes every 4-5 hours. He's never slept through the night in his whole life. He's breastfed and either feeds to sleep or he needs to have his back patted in his cot until he goes to sleep, although yesterday he just dozed off on my bed whilst I was sitting next to him with no back patting etc. It is frustrating and exhausting, but I've had to learn not to get cross about it. It'll come when he's ready, I'm a firm believer that sleep is developmental. It is hard, though. I was at a work event last night and, whilst he went to sleep fine, he absolutely wouldn't settle for my DH after the first wake up of the night around 11pm, which is hard for us all. Again, though, it will come. As others have said, for now, just do what allows you to get the most sleep. When we're going through a bad patch with sleep I bed share with DS and have found it to be a real sanity saver when things are tough.

You're not a failure. My son started sleeping through at 16 months through no intervention from me. Babies/toddlers are ready at different times.

Have name changed as the user1235etc business was annoying even me!

Yes to what pp said about co-sleeping - I get way, way more sleep doing that than I would if I was having to traipse back and forth putting my toddler back to bed in a separate room or cot. I’m a big believer in ‘whatever gets you through the night’....

Try baby nurofen if you suspect teething pain. Also loud white noise and patting to sleep instead of rocking as that is easier to slowly wind down until they can fall asleep on their own.

Mine didn’t sleep through the night until I nightweaned using the Dr Jay Gordon method but yours is a bit young for that maybe, I think I did it about 15 months.

That is all completely normal. The only person who I knew whose 10 month old slept through just had a ridiculously easy baby (she did the same things with her 2nd one, but she wasn’t an easy baby, she nearly crumbled from exhaustion, it obviously had nothing to do with what she was ‘doing right’).

My eldest didn’t sleep ever really through until 3.5. I wouldn’t have considered her a terrible sleeper. She was pretty normal compared to all the babies I knew. She was ff btw. Youngest one is nearly 2 and still wakes once or twice (was bf to 15 months). We co sleep after he first wakes up and he generally sleeps 11/12 to 6am so even with one wake up I get most of a normal night of sleep. I work nearly ft and it’s enough to feel fine on.

But really it’s totally normal for children to not sleep through until 3/4. I suspect your friends and family are being quite creative with the truth to make themselves feel better.

"They will sleep when you introduce solids"
"They will sleep if you night weam"
"They will sleep if you sleep train"
"They will sleep when they start school"
DS never listened to any of that. He is now 10 years old. I'm firmly of the belief he still doesn't sleep through the night. What he does (and has for many years) now understand is that everyone else in the house would like to be in bed between 11pm and 6am, and that unless there is an emergency, he is to remain quietly in bed.
He has, however, totally screwed with my sleep patterns, and I'm often lying in bed at 4am when I hear his light go on and he starts reading. He gets up at 6am (the earliest he is allowed) and gets himself (and his brother at the weekends) breakfast. Getting out to school isnt a problem. Getting to places at opening time, when they are often quieter, isnt a problem.

They WILL get to a point where you are not needed overnight.

Is this your first? Just has my second and he just sleeps more easily than dd ever did. Zero difference in how we treat them.

It's just luck, bastard bastard luck. DD would cry for hours at night, DS zonks out and only wakes to feed. It's not fair and it's not your fault.

I've seen more than a few posts on here who mention their baby is sleeping through, and then later on add that they wake 2-3 times a night for their dummy! People lie about baby sleep like it's some badge of honour. I'm sure some babies are 'sleeping through my, but plenty are waking to various degrees through the night. Also baby sleep isn't linear. A baby can sleep through then start to not sleep through.

Instead of the obsession of STTN, I think the focus is more on getting the right balance for you both. Waking up hourly probably isn't sustainable for a parent, but waking up once or twice a night is much easier, so perhaps that's a more realistic goal.

My 22m old doesn’t and hasn’t slept through the night 🤷🏼‍♀️ Started doing 6-8hr stretches but only in the last month

My DD was 3 before she slept through the night. She is a very early riser still (she is 9) so i think it was just that she is one of those people who doesn't need as much sleep. I do though so it nearly killed me! You have my sympathy.