Feel like I’ve made a massive outfit faux pas at work

[Pantone345]

Today I wore: fitted black poloneck tucked into an A line skirt (about 4 inches off the knee but I am tall!), thick black tights and heeled knee high boots (not over the knee and heels are 3 inches)

Manager made a few comments about my outfit. Asked if I was going out after work and just a few other comments which combined made me think I’ve fucked up!

Public sector, a whole range of clothes from sort of casual to very smart

I work in a pretty casual tech environment, and your skirt sounds shorter than is appropriate for a professional setting. Which work would be, regardless of industry.

Depends on the office dress code and what the 'norm' is. If the code is 'business casual' then no, it's not appropriate. If the code is 'smart casual' then it's fine.

The requirement not to be suggestive or provocative is completely subjective and therefore impossible to enforce. Dress codes need to be specific so that expectations are clear - ours is the relaxed end of business casual but specifies (amongst other things) no shorts for either sex, no strapless or spaghetti straps, midriffs must be covered.

By the company / organisation. They decide what they want from their staff.

How do they communicate it to their staff? Just relying on individual managers to interpret and police the dress code is likely to lead to inconsistency and bias, even if it is unconscious.

Where I work, there is nothing (in writing) that dictates how I dress. I dress in what I feel is an appropriate manner.

OP that sounds like something I would wear and it sounds absolutely fine to me and it would be fine in any office I've worked in
@justrestinginmybankaccount I totally agree with you. I am almost a foot shorter than you and I've been able to get away with wearing shorter clothes than my taller colleagues and making them look more casual. I suppose it's because we have less flesh to display but I totally get what you are saying.

When I worked in public sector most people dressed like slobs so probably just surprised you looked nice!

Just to stick my oar in too...

My workplace is quite casual when it comes to dress code. Eg black jeans and jumper with loafers is absolutely fine, 70% of people are in "work clothes" for the shop floor anyway.

But a skirt 4 inches above my knee would not be suitable, even on dress down Friday. Couple it with a fitted top and heeled boots and it's way off acceptable and my manager would probably mention it to me too. As pp said 4 inches above the knee is probably more like 5/6 when you're sitting, depending on tightness of skirt. The fact it's leather also tends towards sexy.

If skirts that short are ok in your office, then I think it's not a problem with one part of the outfit but the combination of everything you're wearing tending towards sexy: leather, high knee high boots, all black... It's all a bit much. And when you have a good body it can make it more so. I'm a slim but curvy hourglass (small waist, big boobs and hips) and some work wear shift dresses can look too sexy for work on me as they cling in the wrong / right places. Because of my body shape I'm aware and don't wear it.

Exactly the same at my place, OP, I work in the public sector too.

I've given up now, everyone dresses so casually - jeans & hoodies in winter and shorts & flip flops in summer. I now wear a mixture depending on how I feel that day so anything from jeans & pumps to a fitted black dress with boots. However every time I go into work looking smart, I get the usual comments about having an interview, going out after work...

I reckon the manager wanted to say 'fuck me boots!'

"to be honest I've only ever worn knee high boots at work on casual fridays. Not every day office wear."

My office is smart, but I wear boots all through the winter because otherwise I'd be too cold.

I wouldn't wear them with a short skirt though. That's a different impression alltogether.

Sounds like your boots are FMBs op.

"Knee high boots were in fashion for years then out and now coming back. Your manager is behind the times. Give it another 12mo and everyone will be wearing them again."

The manager wasn't commenting on fashion, was he?
Knee high boots never went out of fashion, except on MN. They have been in the shops EVERY winter since I can remember.

I'm public sector (university, student-facing role) and that's exactly the sort of thing I wear for work all the time and no-one bats an eyelid at it. The only time I've ever had a comment about my clothes was when I wore some wide-leg jeans and a colleague asked if I'd come as a Charlie's Angel

Your manager should just fuck off. If what you were wearing was against dress code bring that up properly (with hr frankly). Otherwise shut the fuck up manager with "comments".

I think the me outfit sounds fine

Some items are just considered sexy long heeled boots, fishnet tights, stilettos so no matter what that outfit is some will always see it that way

But that’s their perception

I've never been able to carry off that look even as a size 8-10 and wish I could I think it’s really nice (short and curvy well fat now)

I'm public sector (university, student-facing role)

Sounds like a similar role to me although I've never considered universities to be public sector.

A separate debate, not for this thread.

ConFusion360
There has to be a little common sense though.

Thinking more broadly than the OP, adults shouldn't need a tick list to apply a spot of common sense to a dress code.

For example, we're expected to be in professional dress. It's a fairly standard expectation. There's pages and pages of advice online on what constitutes fairly basic standard expectations for professional dress. Our school don't stipulate jackets but some schools do.

In our school (like many schools), the norm is suits or smart trousers, shirt and tie for men with a jumper as a warm layer, and for women the norm is smart trousers/skirts/dresses with blouse/cardigans/tops/jackets. There's loads of different styles across the staff, lots of personality and it's really not an onerous expectation for us to look smart.
Every summer without fail, a certain group of women decide that the professional dress code means "casual skirts and dresses, t shirts and wedges/flip flop sandals", whilst the rest of the staff are wearing weather appropriate professional dress. Those women then get shitty when there's perfectly reasonable reminders about professional dress at work. As far as they're concerned it's hot and they like their skirts so why shouldn't they wear them. They sounds like petulant children and more whiny than the students. It's embarrassing to hear. There's a whole range of ways to dress smartly in summer. There's no need to look like you're off to the beach, or to the park for a picnic at work.

Some places I've worked have had to stipulate no jeans, because some people take the view "it doesn't say not to wear jeans so..." Yet most people with an ounce of sense would know professional dress doesn't mean jeans.
Quite a lot of posters on MN seem to take the view of "I wear what I like and if anyone raises anything they should sod off".Offline most people seem to manage just fine with a little common sense.

"most people with an ounce of sense would know professional dress doesn't mean jeans."

Not really. Jeans are accepted in many workplaces especially if they're smart, dark jeans with smart tops.
There's a big difference between light blue jeans and a T-shirt and indigo or black jeans with a blouse.

It's pointless other people saying what would be acceptable at their place of work!
Either there is a dress code or there isn't. If there is a dress code, either the OP's outfit abides by it or it doesn't. People who want to be prescriptive about what their employees wear need to have a specifically-worded, non-sexist, dress code.

Gwen
Accepted in some workplaces and can look nice isn't the same as acceptable in a workplace that stipulates professional dress.

There's guide upon guide online like this one: www.indeed.com/career-advice/starting-new-job/guide-to-business-attire

It's why common sense has to be applied, which seems a bit off on here at times, usually under the guise of "but who says... But some companies let everyone wear casual clothes... Your outfit would be fine in my work so your work shouldn't comment".

*There has to be a little common sense though.

Thinking more broadly than the OP, adults shouldn't need a tick list to apply a spot of common sense to a dress code.*

Please be a bit more open minded. People need things spelt out for many, many reasons. Some are from different cultures where dress codes are different (not even other countries, just different sub cultures within the same main culture), some have a different personality or way of thinking to you, where they just think in a more black & white way, some just take a while longer to absorb a point.

Instead of calling your beliefs and opinions 'common sense', it could just be that the rules need to be communicated more clearly and in more detail to some than others.

’ve just read our staff dress code

“Staff to dress in a manner which avoids provocation or suggestive messages”. 😳😳😳

Burkas all round then?

^^

Sorry

memaymamo
That's up to the company to write their dress code documents AND to speak to staff as required (just on here speaking to staff about their attire is some big no no).

It's really not rocket science to work out (examples I've seen):

• leggings are not trousers so you probably shouldn't be wearing leggings as trousers when teaching, especially when the outline of your underwear is on show
• that flip flops are not professional dress and are ridiculous in a school of 1000-2000 students when you could have to do a fire evacuation
• that a policy saying no denim does indeed cover black jeans because they are quite clearly jeans

These are supposed to be reasonably well educated people.

teaching, especially when the outline of your underwear is on show

That's a few of the big knicker brigade around here on the naughty step then.

Has anybody ever had a disciplinary fro VPL?

Are you seriously going to argue it's fine to wear leggings as trousers and subject the kids and colleagues to viewing your underwear?

I love some of my big pants. I don't wear leggings as trousers because they aren't trousers. Problem solved.

No child should have to sit in a lesson and see their teacher's underwear onna regular basis because they don't bother to dress appropriately.

There's no need to ban leggings in the dress code as many members of staff wear them as a substitute for tights. Some schools I know have had to ban them explicitly because some people don't bother to apply an ounce of common sense.

Are you seriously going to argue it's fine to wear leggings as trousers and subject the kids and colleagues to viewing your underwear?

Is it the leggings that are the problem or the VPL?

If the latter, the problem could easily be avoided if staff were advised on appropriate underwear choices.