Fucked up money wise. Need advice and guidance.

[GenuinelyConfusedByItAll]

NC as I don't want this linking to my regular username

Also, NB this is a thread to get my worries out of my system and perhaps get some advice and NOT a money begging thread, although I know MNHQ will post their usual cautionary advice - which I appreciate.

So... I have fucked up. May not be a massive thing to some of you but I am £400 overdrawn. It's crept up slowly slowly over the last year(?) or so. With the OD being easy to increase each time.

My husband, I think, may be suspicious of me getting into debt.

The way we split our finances is as we have always done it.

I get paid, work out my outgoings for mobile phone contract etc plus an amount to spend on what i want for the month. The remainder gets put into the joint account and DH draws from that for the bills we have. Historically they were set up in his bank account and we couldn't be bothered changing them. He also adds to the joint acc if he has money surplus above bills and his spending money but this doesnt happen often as ALL household bills come from his account.

We have always worked out money this way. I know it's a MN no-no to have separate accounts but thats how we work.

Anyway... recently we discovered when we decided to swap electricity suppliers that i have a carp credit rating. We weren't sure why and I looked into it. Turns out in cancelled a direct debit in 2014 for a phone contract and the last 2 bills went unpaid. Not a massive amount - £40 or so pounds. And as it will be written off my credit file in 2 or so years, it seems silly to pay it off.

Anyway... I went to renew a phone contract this year and couldnt get one with a new supplier in my name. For the above reason.

We have a decent amount in savings which has come purely from my husband being very good with money and savings. He is a saver. I'm a spend thrift.

We have paid for a few things this month which we wouldn't usually treat ourselves to. Husband messaged this morning when at work saying that we need to be careful as it appears we have't saved much this month. The £300 or so which would normally be saved has been spent on the afore mentioned items.

I am now panicking incase husband aska about my bank account. He's already asked if i was getting into debt sand i said no.

I have borrowed £200 from my Mum and will pay a further £100 of on payday on Friday.

So my questions are....

How do you manage to avoid the temptation of an easy, cheap overdraft?
How do I get rid of this guilt I am carrying? I cannot tell him because I feel, put simply, it would be the end of our marriage. Do I just pay it off and forget about it?
How do you budget and not get into such a bloody mess?

And finally, if you've read this far... thank you x

I was quite surprised you felt the hsitoric £40 owed should not be paid as you could get away with it. I wonder what kind of morality your parents brought you up with that you think you can steal. The result of not paying that is other people's bills go up. Perhaps have a think about your own moral code. The fact you are worried you have lied to your busband shows you have a conscience about moral wrongs. Try to pay back the £40.

I think working harder is usually the solution not cut backs. We both worked full time and then each ad second jobs and other sources of income. Perhaps just work an awful lot harder.

There’s a lot of unpleasant comments here which I don’t think are constructive. You clearly feel guilty already. We all have vices I would love to know how to stop overeating to lose the baby weight. It doesn’t mean I’m a child it just means I’ve never had to diet in my life.

My none expert advice would be:

• Talk to your husband, apologise and tell him you want help to draw up a budget and identify savings. You say he’s good at it so use that.

• distract yourself when you’re tempted to spend. I think lots of addictions suggest exercise of pinging a hair tie in your wrist

• if you think it’s serious fund a help group for compulsive spenders

• delete shopping apps from your phone. I’ve definitely overspent on the one rhyming with Tramazon on mat leave because it’s so easy. It is now deleted to make it harder.

• you could go with taking cash out and venturing to the shops. It’s much more real if it’s not on card/ online

• pay off the bad debt. Get your credit rating healed if you can!

Hope you get sorted

OP isn't reading any more. We can only hope she has sat down her husband, like an adult, come clean about what is going on and like an adult is now getting involved in bills and what it costs to live.

a bad case of 'little woman' syndrome which she is hopefully curing.

That would be on your wrist and find a self help group.

I don't think 400 is too much especially if you're working. Also I think he's a bit (lot) controlling. You seem terrified to tell him this and yet he doesn't share any of his finances with you ( you said you didn't know how much he earned or how much bills are). My ex controlled me like this. Turned out he was earning a fortune and bills were minimal. You seem to me to be beating yourself up too much for this.

Draw out an amount of cash as pocket money each week , you can visibly see it going down and it will limit your choices , It's not about going without , but just spending mindfully . One of the worst inventions for casual spending , are contactless cards. I wouldn't get rid of the overdraft, just because its there you don't have to use it , not having it won't automatically stop you spending , you will just add the fees to your debts.

In the nicest possible way, calm down. It’s £400. Maybe I’m just very jaded living in London but our mortgage is huge and we’ve had credit cards with limits 10 times that, especially when we were both working full time. Have an honest talk with your husband and agree a way forward. For us what’s worked is joint finances. We are both much happier that way. You’re married for heavens sake, you can have an honest chat about £400.

Surely you just pay it off then tell the bank you don’t want the overdraft anymore?

I automatically took an overdraft without really thinking when I opened a new account and it’s amazing how quickly you see that as your money and before you know it any money going into the account just puts you back to ZERO rather than a credit balance. I paid mine off (leaving myself a bit short elsewhere tbh) the other night then on the app was able to put the overdraft option to £0. This will stop it happening again and I know anything in the account is mine.

I mean this in the nicest way possible but you’re getting far far too worked up over a £400 overdraft. If you work, earn money a £400 overdraft is nothing to lose any sleep over.