Fucked up money wise. Need advice and guidance.

[GenuinelyConfusedByItAll]

NC as I don't want this linking to my regular username

Also, NB this is a thread to get my worries out of my system and perhaps get some advice and NOT a money begging thread, although I know MNHQ will post their usual cautionary advice - which I appreciate.

So... I have fucked up. May not be a massive thing to some of you but I am £400 overdrawn. It's crept up slowly slowly over the last year(?) or so. With the OD being easy to increase each time.

My husband, I think, may be suspicious of me getting into debt.

The way we split our finances is as we have always done it.

I get paid, work out my outgoings for mobile phone contract etc plus an amount to spend on what i want for the month. The remainder gets put into the joint account and DH draws from that for the bills we have. Historically they were set up in his bank account and we couldn't be bothered changing them. He also adds to the joint acc if he has money surplus above bills and his spending money but this doesnt happen often as ALL household bills come from his account.

We have always worked out money this way. I know it's a MN no-no to have separate accounts but thats how we work.

Anyway... recently we discovered when we decided to swap electricity suppliers that i have a carp credit rating. We weren't sure why and I looked into it. Turns out in cancelled a direct debit in 2014 for a phone contract and the last 2 bills went unpaid. Not a massive amount - £40 or so pounds. And as it will be written off my credit file in 2 or so years, it seems silly to pay it off.

Anyway... I went to renew a phone contract this year and couldnt get one with a new supplier in my name. For the above reason.

We have a decent amount in savings which has come purely from my husband being very good with money and savings. He is a saver. I'm a spend thrift.

We have paid for a few things this month which we wouldn't usually treat ourselves to. Husband messaged this morning when at work saying that we need to be careful as it appears we have't saved much this month. The £300 or so which would normally be saved has been spent on the afore mentioned items.

I am now panicking incase husband aska about my bank account. He's already asked if i was getting into debt sand i said no.

I have borrowed £200 from my Mum and will pay a further £100 of on payday on Friday.

So my questions are....

How do you manage to avoid the temptation of an easy, cheap overdraft?
How do I get rid of this guilt I am carrying? I cannot tell him because I feel, put simply, it would be the end of our marriage. Do I just pay it off and forget about it?
How do you budget and not get into such a bloody mess?

And finally, if you've read this far... thank you x

Log into bank after paying it off and reduce your overdraft limit is how you prevent this in future, you know you're crap with temptation so own it and get on with the dull bits of debt repayment!

I was regularly spending too much especially online & going over my overdraft limit!! I have bipolar. So I gave my debit card to my sister & she gives me a cash allowance each week to include food. My bills are paid by monthly direct debits & I don't have a credit card.

OP cut your overdraft limit to £200 make your bills monthly direct debits then give yourself a cash allowance each week.
If it runs out... tough.
You soon learn the value of money with using cash for everything!

Also get a banking app so you can keep a close eye on things

Thanks for all your words... kind, stern and otherwise.

I need to get my head out of my arse, own what i've done and move on.

I have access to the joint acc. I can view and move money. That's not an issue. I suppose I have the idea of "Ah well, I get be bailed out..." We only have 1 card for the joint account which is mine and he took it off me because i would spend willy nilly.

It's through his hard work we have good savings. Totally not down to me.

You have to come totally clean about this.

Also you must have better transparency in family finances going forward.

When I was younger I used to operate on the W envelop system- so I’d get paid, pay all my outgoings like rent, utilities etc. Then budget for the rest of the month and give myself a set amount each week in an envelope. In cash.

So I would make that envelop work for me for that week and any money left over I would roll over to the next week. It was like a game.

I never took my bank card out with me and I became solvent quickly.

I owned about £3k on a creditable card and overdraft after university. I was stupid. But being strict was the way to go.

You mentioned treats for you and kids- if this is something you all enjoy then why doesn’t it come out of family money??

@Atalune Some treats do - so last week for example we had dinner out and that was paid jointly. But if it's a bag of sweets or wine - basically something that isn't a need, it comes from our individual funds.

As my credit score is bad, I worry I may not be able to open another bank account easily. Something to look into.

Again, thanks for your completely honest responses. It's helping me to see that there IS a way out of this. even if it's a hard lesson for me.

Does he earn more than you?

If you have a rubbish credit rating you might be able to get a bank account that doesn't have an overdraft facility. They used to be quite easy to get but our bank only does them if you ask (not advertised anywhere obvious but might be buried on their website somewhere) and if you meet some criteria. They look just like a normal account but no overdraft ever. So no hassling you to put one on etc. DH and I each have one for our 'allowance'. We get £60 each a month for our own spends. I save half of mine in a stocks and shares ISA as I've saving for an expensive craft weekend. I cannot go overdrawn, it simply won't allow it. We both have visa debit cards on the account that look exactly like any other account. There's also might be other restrictions but could be worth looking into. We have a 'normal' account for the day to day household stuff.

Personally, I'd sort this out quickly (which it seems like you're doing) and learn from it. I don't think you need to tell your husband if you're sorting it. Remember how this feels, remember the lurching in your stomach when he asks about finances. Use this to move on.

Pay off the £40.

Work our your budget for what you have left. No idea how your finances work, but look at what you need to pay out from your income and work out what is left. It's that you need to keep an eye on. Save a proportion by standing order so you can afford nights out, meals, cover an expensive month etc.

Use ClearScore or similar to monitor your credit rating and they often have tips to improve your score. Not to scare monger you, but if something happens to your DH, you're pretty vulnerable if you can't get access to things requiring a credit check. So work on improving that too.

Buy snacks for work from the supermarket in bulk or leave a small amount of cash in your desk for chocolate emergencies. Leave your wallet at home for a while to break the habit. Tell colleagues that you're on a health binge and you're not going to the shop, be accountable to someone.

There are lots of tracker apps that monitor your spending. Take a look at info online and see if any might be useful for you. They tend to highlight where you spending loads of money and even £10/week in the shop on chocolate adds up to £40 a month, £480/year. Lots do this automatically by looking at where you spend and categorising it for you. It can be a real eye opener.

I never understand these half and half split in marriages.

At the very least it should be proportional, but even that seems odd to me!

Treats, such as they are should be part of family money not of your money.

Is he financially controlling??

I’d switch bank accounts now, to one that doesn’t have an overdraft, so the od becomes a debt I HAVE to pay off. I’d work out my budget, and half of what I have as Spends for the week I’d withdraw as cash, and the other half I’d transfer straight to the od. If I underspent that week, I’d withdraw to top up to my weekly amount, the difference I’d transfer to the od, and keep chipping away at it. Do you have anything you can sell/eBay? Tell your dh you’re having a little clear out before Christmas?

If you honestly believe it would spell the end of your marriage, I’d not tell my dh if I knew I could pay it off reasonably quickly, purely because I wouldn’t want to get divorced over £400, but if it were because I felt embarrassed I’d fess up and ask for help.

I really think going cash only for a few months would help you if you like to spend - I’ve always found I put things back because dealing in cash seems more real somehow!

@Atalune No we earn more or less the same. Previously I earned more than him. He's not financially controlling but he knows also how i could spend without a second glance because it's there.

@PurpleCrazyHorse Thank you for your helpful advice.

Have you heard of a Monzo account? It's debit only, no overdraft etc. Set up an account with them, move your monthly spending money in to it and leave the account with the overdraft alone except to pay towards it.
Next, speak to the bank you have the account with and tell them you need them to reduce the overdraft to £100 and agree a payment plan. Could be as simple as £20 per month but they should be able to help stop / reduce any interest being charged.

After this, speak to your husband and explain you want to know more about your joint financial situation, given your concern about your credit rating.
It may not be as it seems but the picture you're painting is that you have accepted you're rubbish with money so he is in charge of everything (a situation I used to be in) but if something happened to him tomorrow, you need to know what money you have, what your bills are etc.

Knowledge is power, learning all of this can only benefit you and it may help take some of the mental load off your DH too.

Do you actually have enough money for a few treats? Wanting a few treats in the month doesn't seem unreasonable if there's enough money to save, so perhaps you need to talk to your DH and ask if you can transfer slightly less into the joint account every month?

Aside from dealing with your own spending you need to have a clear picture of household finances. You should have a clear view of the total of the bills, how much you both put toward them and how much disposable you both have left.

He seems to know your finances so well he can tell you're perhaps overspending? And yet you have no clue what the bills are you're handing money over for?

The imbalance there is worrying even if it is in part because of your way with money.

Just had a read around my bank account and i can switch off the overdraft completely so it cant be switched back on. I will do this when i have paid it off.

I am writing here, now that as it stands i am currently -£293.29.

I will pay off £100 on Friday. That will make me -£193.29.

I will NOT take my Mum's offer of £100 to borrow. She has already kindly borrowed me £100 today when i messaged her in sheer panic.

Out of my £200 spends per month which gets spent in utter crap, I will pay the following:

25/10 £50 Balance - £153.29
26/11 £150 Balance - £3.29. I will be left with £150 for the month here. I will also contact my bank and ask for the OD to be removed.

This will allow me to clear my balance pretty much by the end of the year. I will use £50 of Nov's money towards christmas presents allowing me £25 per week for myself.

Does this seem workable or a bit pie in the sky?

@MoneyWhatMoney It's Monzo that I am with....

It seems like your DP needs to know all about your spending but his own spending is his own business?

It’s doesn’t seem to leave you a lot for Christmas?

I urge you to come clean to your husband and I would also echo the previous poster who said that maybe you’re saving too much?

I simply can't 'fess up an want to get it sorted and out of the way. Perhaps i should pay off £100 in Nov leaving a balance of -£103

I second the suggestion of getting a Monzo card, I've managed to put a stop to living in our overdrafts using it. You can make as many savings pots as you like - so you can put money aside from your fun spending for household trinkets and treats. I have a Monzo savings pot that I transferred to pay off my overdraft bit by bit and it worked well.

I really think you need to speak to your husband about this. You should have a much clearer idea of your household income and outgoings.

In the grand scheme of things £400 debt that you are in a position to pay off over a few months isn't huge problem. You and your husband attitude to money is the bigger issue.

I would have a really good look at what you're spending out on. £25/week seems loads if it's just luxury spending (so not lunch, fuel etc), obviously not so much if you're having to get those things too.

I would have a no spend two months on the run up to Christmas. Absolutely do not spend anything on yourself. Save for Christmas gifts. There's no rush to clear the overdraft if it will leave you short, you'll only end up going overdrawn again.

As with dieting, it's much better to lose 1lb a week, than embark on a fad diet only to binge in a fortnight. Same with debt. Much better to get some good new habits established, slow and steady for a long lasting change, particularly over Christmas.

@GenuinelyConfusedByItAll first of all, well done for spotting the problem while it is still manageable.
take out your allowance in cash each month. put your card in a tub of water, and the tub in the freezer. its hard work to get to it this way.
buy a mulitpack of crisps and of choc bars each weekend (£2). take half to work for these “ treat “ moments.
If you have money left of your allowance, use half of that to pay off overdraft, the other half goes in an extra pot saving up for a special treat - cinema, nice chocolate that sort of stufg

What do you need to pay for out of your £200 a month? Phone bill, clothes, gifts, top-up food shops? It doesn't sound like much.

You certainly shouldn't be spending from an overdraft, but perhaps the amount you keep should be a little higher...?