Fucked up money wise. Need advice and guidance.

[GenuinelyConfusedByItAll]

NC as I don't want this linking to my regular username

Also, NB this is a thread to get my worries out of my system and perhaps get some advice and NOT a money begging thread, although I know MNHQ will post their usual cautionary advice - which I appreciate.

So... I have fucked up. May not be a massive thing to some of you but I am £400 overdrawn. It's crept up slowly slowly over the last year(?) or so. With the OD being easy to increase each time.

My husband, I think, may be suspicious of me getting into debt.

The way we split our finances is as we have always done it.

I get paid, work out my outgoings for mobile phone contract etc plus an amount to spend on what i want for the month. The remainder gets put into the joint account and DH draws from that for the bills we have. Historically they were set up in his bank account and we couldn't be bothered changing them. He also adds to the joint acc if he has money surplus above bills and his spending money but this doesnt happen often as ALL household bills come from his account.

We have always worked out money this way. I know it's a MN no-no to have separate accounts but thats how we work.

Anyway... recently we discovered when we decided to swap electricity suppliers that i have a carp credit rating. We weren't sure why and I looked into it. Turns out in cancelled a direct debit in 2014 for a phone contract and the last 2 bills went unpaid. Not a massive amount - £40 or so pounds. And as it will be written off my credit file in 2 or so years, it seems silly to pay it off.

Anyway... I went to renew a phone contract this year and couldnt get one with a new supplier in my name. For the above reason.

We have a decent amount in savings which has come purely from my husband being very good with money and savings. He is a saver. I'm a spend thrift.

We have paid for a few things this month which we wouldn't usually treat ourselves to. Husband messaged this morning when at work saying that we need to be careful as it appears we have't saved much this month. The £300 or so which would normally be saved has been spent on the afore mentioned items.

I am now panicking incase husband aska about my bank account. He's already asked if i was getting into debt sand i said no.

I have borrowed £200 from my Mum and will pay a further £100 of on payday on Friday.

So my questions are....

How do you manage to avoid the temptation of an easy, cheap overdraft?
How do I get rid of this guilt I am carrying? I cannot tell him because I feel, put simply, it would be the end of our marriage. Do I just pay it off and forget about it?
How do you budget and not get into such a bloody mess?

And finally, if you've read this far... thank you x

You've said a few times that you know you'll just get bailed out, so I think it would be really good for you to up your responsibility for the household finances so you understand why that isn't always the case.

Get your head around your joint expenses, and then perhaps track them going out every month. Get involved in reviewing contracts, setting up direct debits, budgeting for groceries etc.

Do you have any joint, or even just personal, saving goals? That's the kind of thing that would help keep you accountable for not spending your money every month.

I'd also tell your DH about the overdraft- it sounds like he may be suspicious anyway.

Now for instance, I have homemade soup with me for lunch. I dont fancy it and want to go and buy something else. This habit needs to stop.

If you've got a crap credit rating I'd be surprised if your DH thinks it's purely down to a historic debt of £40. He's asked you if you are in financial difficulty and you've lied. You need to come clean and admit you're embarrassed/ashamed and need to sort it out. This subterfuge over it is just dishonest. Your DH will respect you more if you tell the truth.

Now for instance, I have homemade soup with me for lunch. I dont fancy it and want to go and buy something else. This habit needs to stop.

Leave cards at home and have a minimal amount of cash with you. Then you can't go and buy stuff.

I’m always baffled by these threads when women say they don’t know how much their Long term partner/husband earns. How is that possible at all?

Honestly I wouldn’t stress about getting into your OD... for mine, the free is £8 a month which is nothing. Sometimes I go into mine when I’m being greedy, other times I don’t. Put a cap of £500 for your OD and stick to your guns! Try and spend less and less each month till you’re out of it. Your husband doesn’t need to know either

I would be looking into other accounts but I switch regularly to get the free cash offers. My credit score is 'improving' but I only recently went back to work PT after kids and living in the red but it has been helpful as it's got me really paying attention to boring stuff like interest and overdraft options.

Unrelated but I used Loqbox last year which improved my score and gave me a lump sum of my own money after a year, again it got me paying more attention to what I could spare (aka what money I was wasting) which is the crucial difference between being on top and getting 'surprises' every 22nd ATM balance check!

I wouldn't remove the over draft all at once. To go from spending when you want to not spending at all will be hard. Could you reduce it each month so when it is paid off too 193 (was it) reduce it so you can't borrow more than 200. Then reduce it by 50 next month etc.. Will eventually be gone but you won't have scrimped and saved so much to do it? Also you need to be practical with Christmas coming etc you will need some spending money

You can apply for a basic bank acct which will have no overdraft. I would try to pay it off at £100 a month.

Then look at your spending, do you have enough each month? Life without treats is dull & you're more likely to slip up without them.

I have a £400 debt on credit card. Was all vital things the cropped up being needed at a time DH & I just didnt have the money. But on the plus side having a credit card has helped improve my credit rating.

However, speak to your DH. You're in this together. I keep a seperate acct to dh as well but i know exactly what he pays and he knows what i do.

I feel sorry for your DH after reading the soup comment, you're affecting his credit by being this crap.

It's not cute

OP, you need to tell your husband. You've said you have savings, use them to clear the debt otherwise you'll be paying interest and charges unnecessarily. You shouldn't pay to service a debt if you can afford to clear it and be more cross about that happening than a secret £400 overdraft.

To those commenting that OP needs to grow up because she doesn't know the household bills, leave her alone!! My OH doesn't have a clue what our bills are, that's my job. I'm better at organising and saving than he is, sounds like OP's DH is too.

You say you know you’ll be “bailed out” - but that is by your own husband. He is potentially going without just because you fancy pissing money up the wall.

I honestly don’t understand this - it’s really easy to not piss money up the wall. You have plenty to budget each week for ‘treats’; you just want to spend more.

Be strict with yourself until the overdraft is cleared; and then Split your remaining cash each month into 31 - that gives you how much cash you can fritter away on treats each day. £250 gives you £8/day to piss up the wall; since apparently you’ve absolved yourself of all responsibility to save any money.

You should know what he earns. Presumably he knows what you earn? He could earn less than you, the same as you, hell he could earn 20 grand more than you. I'm baffled that you don't know.You have to know this and the bills to see if there is parity in how stuff is paid out. Somebone else should not have this level of control if you both are together but separate financially. I'm not saying he is doing it in a bad way, but you need to take that responsibility.

I would be paying off the £80 in old phone bills too.

Then wrench in your belt, and pay off your overdraft in a few months.

Live by want or need until such times you can easily afford the wants.

Take out money to last the week and leave all cards locked away at home.

It sounds simple and it is. Really.

But what I would be doing is speaking to your DH. You need to be aware of household income and expenditure.

And I bet he knows you are struggling because he has asked you outright.

I’d be more angry at the lying than £400 of debt.

Thanks all. Decision made. Now hiding this thread.

Ah - ostrich syndrome!

If DH can save £300 a month and you earn similar amounts why can't you save that much too?

What a ridiculous panic over nothing. You have savings which could pay this off. Your relationship doesn't sound very good if you are terrified of telling him.

I’d take the loan from your Mum tbh. No it’s not ideal, none of this is, but it’s mad you’re in such a state over such a small debt.

Get it cleared, cancel your overdraft, leave your cards at home and just take £10 emergency cash out with you. If it feels too overwhelming, commit to doing it for 2 months initially as an experiment and see how it goes.

Good luck OP. You’re not an idiot. Plenty of people struggle to manage money.

He will appreciate you telling him. I did the same, kept a secret debt and once I told him I can't tell you how much better I felt! He paid it off for me and I cancelled all debt and vowed to never get in a mess again, and I haven't. It feels so much better being open. We finally talked about our salaries etc etc after that and it just felt normal. Not sure why I was so secretive. I think because I was ashamed because he's so good with money. But remember, it's joint finances even if you don't have joint account if you're married so may as well just face it head on!

All good suggestions.

Also make a budget spreadsheet.

Interestingly I am more likely to overspend in the first half of my period cycle because impulsivity is higher. I like the MSE money mantra:

images6.moneysavingexpert.com/images/attachment/mantracard4.pdf

First of all start budgeting properly and sort out your own finances so you have no overdraft and maybe even your own savings. Get into the habit of not spending unless you already have the money. There are loads of great budgeting apps out there but if it's just your 'spends' you need to track then a simple spreadsheet should do. Once you are in a debt free position ( say after Xmas) then talk to your husband about getting more involved in the budgeting of household finances and ask him to talk you through all the incomings and outgoings etc. Get him to transfer all bills to the joint account so you are sighted on them, and get him to make the savings account joint too. You need to be part of the household finances.

I have an overdraft limit of £1600 and I have reached that limit many times previously. I've never told DH. Also I got through 8k of savings. Again never told DH. You are doing well to only get to £400 overdrawn.

Just try to be more frugal and the credit rating will improve in time.

This doesn't make much sense to me. You have a £400 overdraft and lots of savings. The overdraft isn't a problem then. Pay it off with a little of the savings.
Also it s make sense to pay the old phone bill. It is only 2 payments of £40. You have lots of savings and you owe someone money. Pay what you owe if you can.

I've not read the full thread so it may well have moved on.

Tell your husband. Do not lie about debt. Debt is v v v bad. Lying about it is unforgivable.

Remove overdraft facility from bank account.

Learn about your joint finances - get together and compile a simple spreadsheet with incomes and outgoings, just so you know broadly what comes in/goes out.

Get involved - take one outgoing and look for a cheaper deal.

Take responsibility - find a way to manage your spending habits, whether that's cash only or something else.