I’m a functioning alcoholic and haven’t slept with my husband since our wedding night 12 yers ago

[FunctioningAlcoholiczz]

That’s it really, all the money in our household comes from me. Over the last 20 years I’ve spent all of my inheritance and my husband is also a functioning alcoholic.
I love him but I’m not in love with him.
I’ve had two bottles of wine tonight and am drunk and tomorrow will go to work, I work from home.
I’m at a loss as to what to do.
I’m posting this to say it out loud to myself but will probably not respond because I’m either too drunk or will have forgotten about this post.
Husband drinks as much as me and as a result has an erectile dysfunction problem hence the no sex.
That’s really shit isn’t it.

You can change -do you want to?

Do you both drink that every night? I assume no children if you pretty much have never had sex? What does your DH do if he brings in no money? Sorry - so many questions.

Well the good news is that the only way is up, and you dont have any children so you haven't hurt anyone only yourselves.

Have you thought about getting some support, someone to talk to about your drinking? You are not alone.

Yes it is shit but admitting it to yourself means you recognise this isn't how you want your life to be. You both need to go to your GP and start getting the help you need.

Please get help. Your life doesn't have to be like this.

No children, we both work and he brings in almost as much as me.
Yeah we both drink, a box of wine per night. Fuck me that’s too much.

You don't need to see a GP if you won't want it on your record.

What happens if you don't drink for an night? Are you able to ?

What happens if you don't drink for an night? Are you able to ?

Do you talk about it?

that sounds like shit, frankly. I'm so sorry you are living like this. Do you want it to change? Does your DH want it to change?

Oh yes, I can go for weeks without a drink and so can DH but we still don’t have sex, he’s just not a turn on for me. It’s so sad, when we got together he really did it but that ended quite quickly. It’s me not him.
I’m just so confused, I love him to death but he just doesn’t turn me on any more. His dysfunction has a lot to do with that.

Ah OP I hope you get something out the thread it sounds like a very unhappy situation, is it? Is there significance in the fact you said in first post that all the money in the household comes from you but your second post says your husband earns almost as much as you, does that mean he spends all his whilst you put yours to use to cover household expenses?

Are you at physical dependency yet? Do you get proper withdrawals?

4 bottles between my Partner and I was easy of a night for us. Sometimes that was for me on top of one I'd drank through the day to calm the withdrawal. I was also functioning. Albeit, malnourished by the time I went for help.

I'm clean now. My Partner was never dependent, just liked a drink but is also not currently drinking unless he is away - in which case he's welcome to.

You sounds like you're crying out for help and ready to step of the alcohol treadmill?

I wonder whether my drinking is a by product of our relationship. I really really don’t know.

Well.....wine is not as bad as spirits. Spirits can be poison.

You don't need any of us to tell you you are ruining your health and would be generally better if you packed up the booze. You have to realise it yourself and take the plunge. It would be great if you both did it.

First thing is go to your GP, tell them you're worried you may be drinking too much and want to stop (if you do want to stop); GP will help you, also request blood tests (liver function etc), and put you on Thiamine and Vitamin B complex. You can be referred to a specialist unit if necessary.

If you've only been married for twelve years I guess you are still reasonably young. You could have a lot of good life ahead of you if you make some changes.

Please do try.

He was the first person to have an interest in me and I was in my mid 30s.
Don’t get me wrong, I’d had sex before but this man wanted a relationship.
I’m now 49 years old, haven’t had sex since I was married in 2007 and I’m now shit scared, my poor husband wants sex with me and has completely accepted my position but for goodness sake I’m strangling him because every night I get drunk.

Sorry, I’m saying different things because, well, I’m drunk.

It sounds like you have hit rock bottom. Please seek out the Brave Babes Battle Bus threads over in Relationships -there is a wealth of support right there. Please take a look.

That's really sad. Never mind about your sex life

He has erectile dysfunction but he wants sex with you?

If you are measuring how much you drink, can you cut down gradually? LIke literally 50ml less each day? If you've been doing this for 20 years, then stopping will be hard. But good luck. Maybe splitting up from your H would remove some of the need to drink. Do you like it when he goes out?

Imagine a life free of booze, go for it, nothing can be worse than this.

We don’t go out, we literally have NO friends, we moved a few years ago and we both absolutely hate where we are. Our friends are 100 miles away.
As well as having no sex partner we have no friends. I’m sooooo fucking lonely

Well.....wine is not as bad as spirits

I'm going back to an old username OP to post this. I sink a couple of bottles every night too. I'm sick of it too. I'm in a newish relationship and drink less when he stays over but I look forward to when he is not here so I can have nights to myself. Which means nights to myself drinking. It's so unutterably pointless isn't it?

It’s alright, DH is the spare room for the millionth time.
FFS my life is Shiite.