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Original poster

I’m a functioning alcoholic and haven’t slept with my husband since our wedding night 12 yers ago

55 replies

FunctioningAlcoholiczz · 10/10/2019 22:35

That’s it really, all the money in our household comes from me. Over the last 20 years I’ve spent all of my inheritance and my husband is also a functioning alcoholic.
I love him but I’m not in love with him.
I’ve had two bottles of wine tonight and am drunk and tomorrow will go to work, I work from home.
I’m at a loss as to what to do.
I’m posting this to say it out loud to myself but will probably not respond because I’m either too drunk or will have forgotten about this post.
Husband drinks as much as me and as a result has an erectile dysfunction problem hence the no sex.
That’s really shit isn’t it.

OP posts:
RueCambon · 10/10/2019 23:23

Does he suspect GinBunny?

MissConductUS · 10/10/2019 23:25

wine is not as bad as spirits. Spirits can be poison.

Alcohol is alcohol.

OP, I'm a recovering alcoholic with many years of sobriety. You can lead a full and happy life without drink if you want to. It sounds to me like you're in the alcohol abuse stage, but alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will get worse over time.

Try to quit now while your health is still intact. It's much easier to do with peer and or professional support.

RueCambon · 10/10/2019 23:25

How would your H react if you told him you were going to stop drinking @FunctioningAlcoholiczz, would he be supportive or would he feel judged because he will carry on?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Mummybares · 10/10/2019 23:25

It matters fuck all whether its the booze or the relation. Theyre both just as bad sides of the same coin.

To stay sober you need support and a shake up.

Its hard sobering up with a drinker.

It doesnt mattet chicken or egg.

When you sober up you will see more clearly. For now cut out either or both. Theres no magic solution.

Lobsterbiscuits · 10/10/2019 23:28

I dont understand how all the money in the household comes from you if hes earning almost as much as you?

Inthenewsagain · 10/10/2019 23:29

OP thinking of you, please get help Flowers

Wowisthatwhatyearitis · 10/10/2019 23:30

Flowers for function and gin.
Wishing you the strength to turn things around.

chrisie16 · 10/10/2019 23:33

My Functioning Friend, you're already getting better. You're already doing what you need to do. You have taken the first step to recovery, and I bloody well applaud that! Well done you!! This will be a difficult path that you've stepped on, but you will have support all the way xx not necessarily from me, my wrists are dodgy xx :) But fucking bloody well done you xx Don't be thinking about that flaccid friend, we're concentrating on you xx just as it should be xx

TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 23:34

It sounds miserable. How long have you been this fed up OP?

Original poster
FunctioningAlcoholiczz · 10/10/2019 23:34

The money comes from my inheritance, we have wasted a shit load of money. Is that ok

OP posts:
lexiepuppy · 10/10/2019 23:35

DiD you come from alcoholic backgrounds? Is it a familiar pattern?
Does your DP want to get sober ?
Have you looked into going into rehab? Do they have AA meetings near you?
Speak to your G.P for help.
I hope you can turn your life around.Flowers

mammabearandhercubs · 10/10/2019 23:36

Yikes. I thought I had problems!!

alwaysmovingforwards · 10/10/2019 23:36

Do you want to change your life and looking for ideas on how to do it?

Lobsterbiscuits · 10/10/2019 23:36

I asked because you mentioned it as if it mattered and it didnt make sense.

You're getting good advice here, good luck.

RedWineAllMine · 10/10/2019 23:37

If you both carry on drinking the way you are, you aren't going to be around for so long. Perhaps this is the wake up call you need?
You need help.
And to the poster talking about it's not as bad as spirits..I think you need to educate yourself before writing such a stupid thing. I mean..really? 💁🏻‍♀️
That's like saying Cocaine isn't that bad because it's not heroin.

Original poster
FunctioningAlcoholiczz · 10/10/2019 23:38

Thank you everyone, I’m going to bed now. You are all amazing. Love you all.
I’m going to be horrendous tomorrow but thanks to everyone xxx

OP posts:
TottieandMarchpane · 10/10/2019 23:39

When you’re ready, phoning AA might be quicker and easier as a first step than physically going somewhere to talk face to face.

They will tell you to get b complex tablets, so you could even buy and start those as your first step, to do something positive for yourself if the rest takes time.

You deserve better than this. Everyone does Flowers

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2019 23:40

OK, so you are where you are. No lectures.

I wonder whether my drinking is a by product of our relationship. I really really don’t know.

You need to find out, so you need to be honest with him and yourself, no matter how scary.

I suspect you will also need to be honest with your employer.

Rehab would be best.

I'm so sorry. It is scary.

Keep posting. There are other parts of MN to post on, many with people who will understand. Even if you leave this thread, you can start another tomorrow.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 10/10/2019 23:51

I got distracted by stinking work, OP. But I wanted to send you a virtual hug. You can juke and jive to avoid it if you like, but I think you need one.

Original poster
FunctioningAlcoholiczz · 10/10/2019 23:54

The reason that this is so scary for me is that lots of years ago my husband tried to take his life.
As a result of that I just want to wrap myself around him xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
FunctioningAlcoholiczz · 10/10/2019 23:56

I love him, but I’m not in love with him.

OP posts:
RedWineAllMine · 11/10/2019 00:01

Great to see you chatting to us, I hope you are ok. Please see someone about this tho. You both deserve a better life than this. BrewBiscuit

TottieandMarchpane · 11/10/2019 00:02

Baby steps OP.

This can all be unraveled and improved x

MLMsuperfan · 11/10/2019 00:03

You could have a better future if you want one and will work for it.

NoSquirrels · 11/10/2019 00:04

The reason that this is so scary for me is that lots of years ago my husband tried to take his life.
As a result of that I just want to wrap myself around him xxx

Understandable. This is co-dependency, with an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Can you talk to him and seek help together?

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