I have known a few people like yourself.
From what they went through cutting down gradually or only drinking 2 glasses per day didn’t work.
Those that have got it under control after several false starts came to the conclusion that it was either all or nothing.
Cutting down to 1-2 glasses just led to 2-3 glasses then 3-4 and so on till they were back where they started.
I know it is a huge step into the unknown but can you get your mind round not drinking for 1 whole day then the next week do 2 days. Etc or just waking up in the morning and saying you aren’t drinking today and each day you say the same thing.
Most of the ones I know started drinking as a social thing after work, at the weekends then it spiralled from there.
A willing partner who they would give mutual encouragement and it became a slippery slope
A friend said as she aged her need for alcohol grew as her body’s capacity for alcohol shrunk and in the end she gave up because she was sick of feeling sick.
For you and your partner is it more of a habit than an enjoyment.
Just something you do each day.
I do think both you and your partner must be deeply unhappy and are trying to blot out the unhappiness by drinking yourself into an alcoholic stupor each evening.
Can you stay sober for one day and think about all the things that you are unhappy about and ways to change them.
Think about your long term and short term goals like stopping drinking, getting fit, If you would be better moving to be near friends.
Would your dh join you in giving up drinking even just for a short while.
It would be a massive help if he could otherwise if you do it on your own will it create tension or an imbalance between you.
Will you have the strength to do it on your own?