Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

My wonderful dad has died and I am heartbroken

59 replies

BlackAndTanDog · 10/10/2019 12:02

Not expecting any responses - I just needed to get this down.
Yesterday - my beloved dad passed away. We’re fairly sure of the circumstances, but it was unexpected. He was awaiting an operation - classed as not urgent, I think.
It’s a tricky situation with the family circumstances (step-family/siblings) involved.
I am very much my father’s daughter.
I am utterly devastated.

OP posts:
Slaymill · 10/10/2019 12:04

So sorry to hear of your sad news. It hits you like a ton of bricks. Sending my consolations and try to be gentle with yourself in the coming days.Flowers

AnyMinuteNow · 10/10/2019 12:07

Heartfelt condolences, for the shock, loss and grief.

Its to be treasured having wonderful memories of your father. Flowers

Take care of yourself.

Defender90 · 10/10/2019 12:07

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you. Flowers

IamMadameX · 10/10/2019 12:13

Sorry for your loss, take care off yourself.

You think your parents are invincible and never gonna die but deep down you know it's true and it hits u like a ton off bricks.

Try to remember the good times and not dwell on the what ifs, it's hard to though.

Be kind to yourself Thanks

darkriver19886 · 10/10/2019 12:15

I am so sorry for your loss xx

1967chaz · 10/10/2019 12:17

so very sorry for your loss

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 10/10/2019 12:23

It takes quite a time to come to terms with the loss of someone you love, perhaps even more when you’ve known them all your life and that they loved you unconditionally too.

I came to accept that pain as the price you pay for those incredible benefits and now, the hurt is less raw and the happy memories are at the front of my thoughts of them.

Regardless of wider family, you two had your own special bond. Treasure that bond, death cannot break it.

I still speak to mine in my head. Things I see that they would’ve liked, laughs we would’ve shared. It’s quite comforting that they’re not with me any more, but their influence lives on and makes me smile.

You’ll get there, just be gentle on yourself, don’t be drawn into any other family stuff that you don’t need to be involved with. Celebrate his life in your own way.

Flowers
Sunnysidegold · 10/10/2019 12:29

I'm so sorry for your loss.

neverornow · 10/10/2019 12:29

I'm so sorry for your loss Thanks

TheQueef · 10/10/2019 12:31

Very sorry for your loss Flowers

catzrulz · 10/10/2019 12:35

So sorry to read this, any death is hard but when it is unexpected it is awful.
Take care of yourself, and remember you will have many good memories of your Dad.

eenymeenyminyme · 10/10/2019 12:39

I'm so sorry for your loss, nothing prepares you for losing a loved parent.

Flowers
IncognitaIgnorama · 10/10/2019 12:53

Oh, I am so sorry, OP Flowers What a horrible shock Sad

foxyfemke · 10/10/2019 13:05

So sorry, OP. Such a shock. There's a thread about losing a parent on the Bereavement board. I found this very comforting when I lost my mum six months ago.

BishopFrownofStThigh · 10/10/2019 13:07

Oh I'm sorry sweet pea Flowers

Original poster
BlackAndTanDog · 10/10/2019 14:27

Thank you all, it was his birthday on Monday. We were joking that he must now be considered officially old (he was 76) - but that he was a stubborn so and so and would outlive us all.
I can’t process this. I just keep thinking that I must phone dad to let him know that I’m sad... and then I remember.

OP posts:
NearLifeExperience · 10/10/2019 14:30

I'm so sorry to hear this. Heartbreaking to lose a loved one unexpectedly. Flowers

spiderlight · 10/10/2019 14:33

I am so terribly sorry. I lost my dad in December so my heart truly does go out to you. It will take a long time to process. Flowers

Foslady · 10/10/2019 15:15

I’m so, so sorry to hear this.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

NemoIsLost · 10/10/2019 15:41

I'm so sorry Flowers I lost my wonderful dad 2 years ago and it totally knocked me for six even tho it was expected.
You will be in shock now, take each day as it comes. I was my dad's only daughter and saw him every day. We had a close bond. It's heartbreaking, I feel for you x

Original poster
BlackAndTanDog · 10/10/2019 17:03

Again thank you all so much. I have a terse relationship with my dad’s wife, and I am trying to remind myself that she made him happy.

I didn’t get to say goodbye. Nobody was with him when he passed. And that breaks my heart.

OP posts:
fussychica · 10/10/2019 17:10

Sorry for your lossFlowers
I lost my wonderful dad very suddenly more than a decade ago. He lived with us and my poor son found him. He went sitting in the sun on the terrace which was lovely way to go but it was devasting for us. Still miss him more than words can say.

Foslady · 10/10/2019 17:16

Try not to be too upset at not being there @BlackAndTanDog, parents protect their children, and I’m sure your dad would have wanted to have protected you from his final passing

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 10/10/2019 17:25

Op i’m so sorry for the loss of your Dad. It is heartbreaking and it must be such a terrible shock it being so sudden.

Be kind to yourself and try not to beat yourself up that you weren’t with him, although I know it’s easy to say. I’m sure your Dad knew how much you loved him Flowers

TheFaerieQueene · 10/10/2019 17:32

I lost my darling father in April. It is so hard, but he would not want me to falter, so I haven’t . I’m sure your father would feel the same. Take very good care of yourself and try to remember the good times.