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Original poster

My wonderful dad has died and I am heartbroken

59 replies

BlackAndTanDog · 10/10/2019 12:02

Not expecting any responses - I just needed to get this down.
Yesterday - my beloved dad passed away. We’re fairly sure of the circumstances, but it was unexpected. He was awaiting an operation - classed as not urgent, I think.
It’s a tricky situation with the family circumstances (step-family/siblings) involved.
I am very much my father’s daughter.
I am utterly devastated.

OP posts:

WollyCobbles · 10/10/2019 17:36

These are tough times. I lost both my mum and dad this year and some days it's as if I am hearing the news for the first time all over again. Other days I'm fine. I get bored of being mugged by grief

Anyway you are in the shock stage now and it's awful. My heart goes out to you. It's really important to be kind to yourself. Things improve - just not yet

Tavannach · 10/10/2019 17:40

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

AJPTaylor · 10/10/2019 17:46

Oh it's just rubbish isn't it? I miss my Dad still and he died 18 years ago.

Original poster

BlackAndTanDog · 10/10/2019 21:53

Thank you all. I’ve just had some time with my lovely auntie (dad’s sister) - we are close. I will spend some more time with her before she goes back home.
Oh. It’s just awful.

OP posts:

Mydogmylife · 10/10/2019 22:14

So sorry , I lost my dad Christmas night 2014, and I still miss him everyday. I hope you get some comfort soon, it takes time but the pain does ease. It never goes, but does change with the passage of time

nevergotthehangofthursdays · 10/10/2019 22:18

So sorry to hear this OP. I lost my dad two and a half years ago and things still seem wrong and out of place.

I was talking to DD about how real bereavement is nothing like it is in books or TV drama. I cried a bit of course, but mostly I was just wandering round feeling utterly confused and empty. Things rearrange themselves in your head and it takes a long time to find your way round again. to you.

Chippydippy · 10/10/2019 22:24

So sorry OP. My dad passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 3 months ago aged 75. I felt the same way you do. Utterly heartbroken, didn't feel real and all I wanted to do was talk to him about it!

You're going to feel in shock for a little while. The first week I barely ate or slept and couldn't say the words 'my dad's died' without completely falling apart.

My heart goes out to you. Be gentle on yourself. The coming days and weeks are going to be so difficult but you will get through them

Mother87 · 10/10/2019 22:46

Support For Anyone Coping With The Loss Of A Parent. http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/3693544-Support-For-Anyone-Coping-With-The-Loss-Of-A-Parent - so sorry for your loss blackandtan... I found this thread a short while ago and have found it very comforting (my beloved daddy passed away 3 weeks ago... and like some others, am utterly bereft and heartbroken) Sending you a hug xx

TinselAngel · 10/10/2019 23:05

My Dad and I adored each other. He was my favourite person. I lost him 3 years ago, suddenly.

After it happened my Auntie (on my Mum's side) said to me "This is as bad as it gets. This is the worst thing that will happen to you", and I found that strangely comforting.

Later I read this, and that helped too.
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.self.com/story/illustration-grieving/amp

ChicCroissant · 10/10/2019 23:07

Sorry for your loss, OP - be kind to yourself

MrsCharlesBrandon · 10/10/2019 23:13

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

ASmallBoxofChocolateBunnies · 10/10/2019 23:15

I am so very sorry.

Shodan · 10/10/2019 23:17

Deepest sympathies to you OP. My darling dad died three years ago and I miss him every day.

It does get easier, although sometimes a memory, or a song, or one of those godawful joke emails like the ones he used to send me will catch me unawares.

No-one was with my dad when he passed away either. I missed saying goodbye by two hours. The guilt was overwhelming, but I've come to realise that he would've soundly told me off for feeling like that- it couldn't be helped, it was just one of those things.

Take care

BananaBooBoo · 10/10/2019 23:20

So sad. Sorry for you OP. Sounds like you were a amazing daughter and he knew how much you loved him. Couldn't ask for more except time.x

Mother87 · 10/10/2019 23:26

Tinsel... thank you so much for that link... very comforting xx

Original poster

BlackAndTanDog · 11/10/2019 06:59

@Mother87 - thank you for that link.

Another barely-slept night - with the awful dawning realisation when you do wake up that things are unutterably different forever.
I didn’t think I had any more tears left in me - but I was wrong.

OP posts:

Milkandcornflakes · 11/10/2019 09:41

Hi OP..I just lost the lovely dad ..he was only 71..the pain is unbearable .he had a fall and did want to go to hospital intially and he developed pneumonia..it could not be cured the hospital staff battled and tried everything..I live nearly 300 miles away..its bee the worst 3weeks ever ..I have been prescribed some sleeping tablets short term..grief keeps coming in waves I have no advice but want you to know you are not alone xx

FMFL · 11/10/2019 09:45

I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Stay strong

Windygate · 11/10/2019 09:53

I'm so sorry for your loss, please be kind to yourself and take as much time as you need. I found remembering that my stepmother had looked after dad and made him happy helped a lot. 💐

Damntheman · 11/10/2019 10:13

I'm so sorry OP, losing my dad was one of the hardest times of my life

Pavlova31 · 11/10/2019 10:25

Thinking of you Op. So sorry to hear your Dad has passed away

romany4 · 11/10/2019 10:50

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I lost my beloved dad 10 years ago now from cancer.

Be kind to yourself. Thinking of you

stophuggingme · 11/10/2019 11:01

I’m so sorry for your loss. The death of a beloved parent must be devastating.

My father died very suddenly and completely unexpectedly at 61.
The worst thing is our relationship was not a good one at the time and I cannot even remember the last words we said to one another.

When I cleaned out his home and organised his funeral it was so surreal and extremely difficult. Then on the day of the funeral it hit me very hard and I was inconsolable. Since having my own children I miss him so much : even though he was not the greatest father becoming a mother has made me grieve him as if I had always known and loved him. I wish he had met my children, they would have loved him. He wasn’t a bad person he just made some silly mistakes.

On his birthday I always play his favourite records, but some sunflowers as they were the flowers on his coffin and I raise a glass to him. I think he would like that. I hope.

Not sure why I’m sharing this but I thought perhaps it would make you feel less alone.

Take care and I hope you can be looked after and loved through this sad time. 💐

Mother87 · 11/10/2019 11:27

Stophugging/Romany

Original poster

BlackAndTanDog · 11/10/2019 14:54

Thank you al for your thoughts and sharing your stories.
Today we arranged the service. It will be a celebration of his life - dad would be pleased about that.
I am struggling. I am finding it increasingly difficult dealing with dad’s wife. It seems so unfair to me that it was dad who went first. And I know this makes me a terrible person.

OP posts:

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