Creepy neighbour

[JackieD0509]

Hi, i’m not sure if i’m posting in the right place but just wanted some advice.

I live on my own with my little dog and the back of my house looks onto the back of another row of houses, i’ve notice something strange the last few weeks from one of the bedroom windows of one of the houses.

During the day the window of this house always has the curtains closed fully however come nighttime the curtains always have a slight gap between them, the tv is usually on in this room and the light on (i can see this from my living room window).

This in itself seems totally innocent however i notice if i go into my kitchen or bedroom and turn the light on this neighbour turns off their lights and TV(i’m assuming they do this so they can lurk at the window in darkness), when i turn the lights back off the neighbour turns back on their TV and lights.

I thought this was strange so just kept mindful of this and kept having the odd glance at their window, on occasion i can see the outline of someone stood watching me. I decided to try and see whether this was just me being paranoid and decided to make it obvious to the person that i could see them, this is when the figure quickly moved away from the window which confirms my suspicions that i’m being watched by him.

Tonight i tried to get a picture of this, i went upstairs and turned the bedroom light on and watched from downstairs and as i thought the lights went out in their window, stupidly i forgot to turn off the flash on my phone and it spooked him and they moved rather quickly from the window which made it alot easier for me to see that someone was there.

My question is should i be worried about this? How likely is it to escalate to full stalking? He could have been watching me for months and it worries me because I regularly leave my backdoor open for the dog and he would obviously know this after watching me for so long.

You’ve posted in very much the wrong place! Should probably ask mnhq to move it.

Do you not have curtains? Obviously creepy neighbour is an issue but if you have curtains then they can’t see in...

Hi, thanks for your reply I’m new here and couldn’t really see the correct category.

I have night and day blinds which most of the time i forget to close as they don’t let a lot of light in anyway but obviously since this has been happening i’ve been closing them. My kitchen however doesn’t have a blind just some tied back voiles, i’ve never really needed a blind in there and it’s kind of last on my list since i moved in.

My worry is whether this is likely to escalate into anything other than just watching me from a window as i’m always home alone and it’s making me conscious that i’m not safe, i also forgot to mention that there has been occasions the dog has been barking at the front door in the middle of the night. Also is there any advice anyone has to maybe deter this person, is there anything i can do regarding the police maybe having a word with this neighbour?

@TheJoxter Sorry forgot to @ you.

We're just moving this over to chat for you, OP.

@Lilymumsnet Thank you 😊

Creepy

Creepy, someone mentioned on mn the other that they had bought a camera CCTV for £40 which you can record and access from your phone. Also, if you can afford it buy one of those door bells with a camera. In the meantime I'd invest in blinds for your kitchen and let the dog out and bring it straight back in. Its creepy but he could just be nosy

OP I had a similar situation in a previous home. I eventually moved (unrelated) but the person actually found out where I moved to and found an excuse to come to my house and ask to come in. He proceeded to tell me he “knew” I fancied him and that I liked him watching me and that he expected something to happen between us until I moved! I got him to leave and called the police. They basically told me to close my curtains (pointless- I had moved!! And he had tracked me down!)

Anyway OP- in your shoes I would report it as a concern (he’s not doing anything wrong legally btw) so that if it does escalate you have already got a record of your concerns.

Hard to know if this neighbours’ behaviour might escalate but for now I would make sure the whole of the back of your house has blinds or curtains up and I would close them as soon as it gets dark. If funds allow, I would also install a doorbell camera at your front door and a camera overlooking the back garden so you can monitor your home on your phone. Certainly don’t leave your back door unattended, nor your dog in the meantime.

@Jayaywhynot
Thanks for your reply! I have been thinking about getting a Ring doorbell With a camera, i think CCTV is probably the best way to go about this as there doesn’t seem to be much else i can do. I originally just thought he was nosey until i noticed his lights would go off and on in reaction to mine so this makes me think he must be actively watching all the time and not the odd nosing.

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart
Thank you for sharing this with me. This is the kind of this i’m worried about as i’m always home alone and my dog is only small so doesn’t offer much protection.

The fact that the police didn’t do anything for you when your stalker went to these extremes is shocking, doesn’t look like i’ll get much help with the law but i might pop into my local station and ask as it’s only 5 minutes away.

Why can't you close your curtains? Then he can't see you

Grandma RTFT

Also goes a touch beyond just closing curtains.

I would definitely contact the police. I would also look at getting a camera for the back of the house, even if it’s just a dummy one. After the camera flash, the neighbour will know you have been alerted to what they are doing and showing you are taking precautions would be a good idea. I would also buy a cheap roller blind for the kitchen.

@igotdemons
I definitely think the CCTV and more blinds is the way to go now so i can feel somewhat safe however i worry if i try and cover everything he will take new extremes. I will also try and keep the back door open to a minimum and keep an eye on the dog, i’ve always left the door open most of the time for her as shes only little so has a small bladder lol. My garden backs onto their garden and there’s only a fence there to prevent access which worries me as it wouldn’t be very hard to get over.
Thanks for your help.

Wait til he's 'watching you' then take a photo with flash. It won't show anything but hopefully scare him off??

@GrandmaSharksDentures
I have been closing my blinds in my rooms since i noticed. However the kitchen doesn’t have one only tied back voiles which are see through, i will be looking at getting a blind for here to but i worry this will force him to escalate.

@Gustavo1
Thanks for your reply.
I am going to pop into my local station and enquire about this although it doesn’t look like they’ll do much.

Other people have suggested cameras and i think this is probably the best idea. I will also invest in a blind in the kitchen however i’m not sure whether this will encourage him to find other ways?

Very creepy. Definitely contact. police, even if they are unhelpful it means you have it logged if it escalates. Plant something spiky and fast growing against the fence. Berberis is good.

The fact that the police didn’t do anything for you when your stalker went to these extremes is shocking

They said their hands were tied as he hadn’t broken the law. I said well you can see it’s creepy?? He came to my house to tell me he was watching me in my bedroom! They agreed it was “strange” and said to report any further incidents. Thankfully there were none.

Definitely speak to the police though OP. Get it on record that it’s happening.

@mankyfourthtoe
I tried to see if i could get a photo earlier to catch him out and accidentally had the flash on and it spooked him as he moved quickly however it hasn’t deterred him as he seemed to still be watching me.

Are you able to erect a 6 foot fence plus trellis against your existing smaller fence? We did this as our neighbour was constantly watching our kids and peering into our house.

@SingingMyOwnSpecialSong
I’m going to pop into my local station and see where i stand and then go from there. The plant on the fence is a good idea! Thank you

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart
Thanks for replying again! Surely there must be something that protects people in these situations, it’s stalking and harassment. I’m going to go to the police station tomorrow and ask. Thank you

Motion sensor flood lights are a good idea too to go with the cctv, they’d allow you to see if someone was in your garden. Fence/blind/ring door bell/Alexa to set timers for the lights.. might not be eco friendly but if the kitchen lights are just on from 6-9 for arguments sake he’ll get bored of watching an empty room for hours.. if he’s not a super creep. You can also get film that makes your windows mirrored from one side so he can’t see in but you can see out.

@Kanga83
Thanks for your advice unfortunately it’s a rented house and it’s unlikely, i don’t really have the money and i don’t think the landlord would approve it. I will ask and see what he says, maybe another tenant has had the same problem, i’m just unsure by taking these measures it might encourage him to go to more extremes.

My biggest problem is that i don’t actually know what he looks like as all i see is him moving away in the dark when he knows that i’ve seen him, people regularly walk past my house so as far as i know he could be watching me more than i know.