What can we do to get through the next few years financially?

[Marigo]

DD 3y and 13mo twins.

Combined income of £70,000. We take home £4200 a month between us. Mortgage is £1400 a month. DD has funded nursery hours now which will bring nursery down to £2100 a month. But still that’s £700 a month for insurance, phones, food, nappies, petrol, car running costs. I just don’t know what we can do. We can’t do it. I don’t know what we’re going to do.

We had a nanny (in London) which was cheaper than nursery and cheaper than what you’d pay. We could also use childcare vouchers to pay her.

I'd definitely think about two years off tbh. And borrowing money so you can be mortgage free at 55, with three kids and a 70k income is a pipe dream.

Why would OP take 2 years off.

Surely they can share this as neither want to take a hit t their career and i dont blame them.

I think you need to fully analyse your income and liabilities before you decide anything. A good app for this is YNAB (you need a budget). Watch a few YouTube videos about it before you trial it, so you know how it works.

If you use it properly, you will get a real time overview of exactly what you spend on what throughout a month. You can then figure out what you can cut and where you can make savings.

I'd do this before you make any big decisions because the one thing you do not want to do is change your mortgage agreement, for example, only for the extra money to "disappear" in general spend and you are still left short.

Then I would suggest reconsidering your goal of being mortgage free by 55. The childcare years are a financial strain and you need money to ease the competing pressures of work and child rearing.

To be blunt, there's no point in being mortgage free at 55 if you are both worn out by years of financial struggle to the point where it has eroded your marriage beyond repair.

I don't think your situation is all that unusual.

We have no family around and we only scraped through the nursery years with two children...no holidays, no meals out, very few clothes for us, second hand clothes for the children. House repairs non-existant, so no heating for a couple of years. We both worked.

I really envied many of our friends whose parents helped a lot with childcare. It makes an enormous difference. My parents live in different continents not just to us but to each other.

So bluntness, is it ok to ask the parents for money as a pp suggested.

Your nursery is actually pretty reasonable - £15 a day cheaper than mine. Realistically 3 in nursery is always going to be right financially. Your husband needs to be realistic about what the next few years mean for the mortgage. You can try and catch up again later but the numbers are just going to be too tight.

The other thing to look at will be holiday clubs and after school care. I did long-term budgets based on minimal childcare costs once the children were at school at not nursery. I was surprised when I checked out the cost of holiday schemes etc and realised I’d be paying out about 1/3 - 2/5 of my nursery costs in childcare for the foreseeable future.

Having been through that horrendous stage of multiple children in childcare and south east prices my suggestions would be:

Absolutely extend the mortgage term for the next couple of years, it can then be reduced again once all are at school and costs drop

Get a good childminder. With 3 at nursery they're going to have enough days off with their own illness. My experience of several childminders is they are way more flexible at having them when they're a bit under the weather and can tuck them up on a sofa with quiet activities. I think I lost more days covering sickness from nursery than I did with a CM

Take up matched betting, it's a very easy way to boost your income by a couple of hundred pounds a month with a couple of hours a week time investment

I think your main options here are:

Reduce mortgage costs (interest only or increase term)
Reduce childcare costs (childminder)
Reduce pension contributions temporarily
One or both of you reduce working hours or stop working

Personally, I would go for option one.

Another vote for childminder over nursery. I’ve done both. I needed less carers leave with the CM as she wasn’t as quick to send them home with a mild temperature but otherwise well, and in 4 years she had 1 day sick (and had a reciprocal arrangement with another CM for cover)

OP how much extra is the mortgage overpayment?

It might be as simple as pausing that for a few years.

Like a pp said, you cant both work full time, have 3 under 3 in full time nursery AND over pay mortgage. As you have calculated!

One has to give. Overpayments is the obvious choice first. How much would that help?

Any chance you could reduce nursery hours slightly and get an au pair for wrap around care? It will work out a few hundred cheaper each month.

Your situation is unusual in having twins but not in any other ways. Childcare is equal to or more than housing costs for many people (including us).

I can't offer much advice other than what has been suggested - you need a budget with all your costs in and you need to consider the widest range of feasible options for the next year/s (au pair and lodger not feasible), extending mortgage / changing work patterns / family loan / changing childcare / selling one car etc may all be feasible.

It's likely a tough few years but it is for many.

Hmm, is it likely that the lentil stretching and frugality angst would fall to you OP? Because if it is you are perfectly within your rights to absolutely refuse to go there and insist on extending your mortgage.

It’s not just up to your DH anyway. Who made him king of the world?

@Marigo what did you decide?