Childcare for DD when in labour?

[EmotionalEllie]

I'm due my second DC in a few months. First birth was only 6.5 hours start to finish so I'm worried this time may be very quick.

My DM can drive down as soon as I go into labour but she's 90 minutes away. I'm not really happy with the idea of hanging around until she gets here just in case things progress even quicker this time.

What options do I have? I am guessing I should probably plan that labour will start at night as this seems to be most common.

So far I am thinking:

1. get a taxi by myself to hospital and DH joins by car afterwards
2. DH wakes up DD, we all drive to hospital and then he drives home with DD until my mum arrives
3. I find a nanny/babysitting service that can send someone immediately to wait in the house with DD for a couple of hours until my mum arrives (do such services exist??)
4. I ask my neighbour who I don't know that well (only lived here six months!) but seems nice enough

What did everyone else do??

How old is your DD?

Have you considered a homebirth? If you had a fast, straightforward labour last time around it might suit you quite well.

I hired a doula for my second birth. She took me to the hospital and then dh came with dd after ds was born (2 hours later). Then I had a home birth for dc3.

I didn’t actually miss dh at all for my second birth, it was nice having someone there who wasn’t flapping around me. But Then I think always knew my births were going to be straight forward. All 3 were all in optimal position weeks before birth.

DD is 3.5.

Unfortunately homebirth not possible as although the birth itself was fine last time I then had retained placenta and a haemmorhage!

Phone your mum as soon as you think things are happening
Wait until you really need to go in
If your mum isn’t there by that point, get your neighbour round

I kept my child with me and they saw the birth. I'd suggest you go to the hospital with DH and DD and your Mum comes as soon as she can and takes over care. But, if she can't make it then DD sees their sibling be born...

I think the taxi option is your best one and husband stays with child until your mother gets there.

Also dont bank on another quick one. It doesnt always happen. My fifth baby took longer than my third and fourth put together

I'd ask your neighbour. This is likely what I'll end up doing if we have another, and it's something I'm on standby to help with for a friend. Most people would be happy to help in these circumstances.

No friends locally (that you know better than neighbour) that could sit with DD until your mum arrives?

We had a horrendously complicated timetable of multiple people who had offered to step in if needed but could only help on particular days. In the event, we did what I've just suggested you do, have a friend round to sit with DS (who was asleep while all this was going on), while MIL made the 3 hour journey to get to us. If it had happened on a different day, it would have been a different plan!

Is the hospital closer to your mum or a further drive for her?

I had the same issue and opting for a home birth with pool eased my anxiety hugely. DD1 was 18m at the time.

Just an idea.

What did everyone else do??

DH and DD took me to the hospital and got me settled then they went home. They came back the next day after DS had arrived.

Should add my friend was with me too in case I needed to head to the hospital in an emergency and DP could come with me.

Is there anyone else locally that you trust to sit with dd if you needed them to? With ds3 I had a list of local people for if dh or dm weren't around as other two had both been quick births. My list consisted of a cousin, friends, older dc nursery and preschool staff (who I had agreed I would pay!), and my neighbour. I had the list and people's availability next to their name and number, so for example there was one nursery staff member who had no dc and a car who said she would be happy to come if it was nighttime, whereas others with their own dc were not down as nighttime options. I was quite anxious about it all, particularly about ds1 potentially seeing me in advanced labour or giving birth, didn't want to traumatise the poor child if he was the only person there.

Thanks everyone. To answer a few questions:

• We have only lived here six months so I don't have any close friends nearby and feel a bit uncomfortable asking those I do know! Maybe I'm being silly.

• I think I need to work on the basis that I will need/want to head to hospital immediately (as that is what happened last time) although of course if it takes longer this time then that will solve a lot of problems!

• the hospital is only 4 miles down the road but my mum is two counties away. The hospital is slightly further for her than our house but it doesn't make a huge difference

Can you not take DD? I had a super quick labour so my child was fine, you might too if your last one was quick as well. We did iPad and lots of snacks.

I think you should ask both your friends and neighbour, stressing that your mum is ready to take over any time of day and night so would only be 2 hours tops they’d need to watch DD, but it would be a real relief to have someone on standby if needed.

My mum stayed for almost two weeks before my DD arrived a week overdue! We have no family under 4hrs drive away though. I would ask her to keep the week before and after free so that you can call her at short notice. If it turns out to be a false start could she bring things to stay a couple of nights?

You call your mum when you go into labour. If you need hospital before she arrives your dh takes you and dd (pack an emergency bag for her, with snacks and blankets). Your mum picks dd up from the hospital.
DH is with DD but nearby. It may that you're well enough for her to be in the room with you for some of it, but if she gets upset he takes her into the corridor.

If you're planning on taking your DD to the hospital it would be worth speaking to your midwife about their policies regarding children on the labour ward. At my local hospital your daughter would not be allowed into the unit so your DH would have to wait in reception/the cafe with her until she was collected.

There is no way my hospital would allow DD in the room when I'm in labour! If she does come to the hospital with DH then it will just be to drop me off at the main entrance and then they'll drive home again until my mum can get there.

I did ask my mum about staying over in advance but she doesn't really want to and doesn't seem to get that it could all happen very quickly.

Also no homebirth sadly due to PPH last time.

Just ask one of your new friends. I would help out, even if I'd only known you for 6 months. I don't have any family nearby so I had about 5 friends close by who I could call on who would look after DC1.

Hire a doula to come with you (You can get them last minute too) and leave DD with DH.