Childcare for DD when in labour?

[EmotionalEllie]

I'm due my second DC in a few months. First birth was only 6.5 hours start to finish so I'm worried this time may be very quick.

My DM can drive down as soon as I go into labour but she's 90 minutes away. I'm not really happy with the idea of hanging around until she gets here just in case things progress even quicker this time.

What options do I have? I am guessing I should probably plan that labour will start at night as this seems to be most common.

So far I am thinking:

1. get a taxi by myself to hospital and DH joins by car afterwards
2. DH wakes up DD, we all drive to hospital and then he drives home with DD until my mum arrives
3. I find a nanny/babysitting service that can send someone immediately to wait in the house with DD for a couple of hours until my mum arrives (do such services exist??)
4. I ask my neighbour who I don't know that well (only lived here six months!) but seems nice enough

What did everyone else do??

I don't think I'd be comfortable asking a neighbour I barely know to look after a small child.
We're in a similar situation to you, due DC2 soon- no friends nearby who could come if it's after about 7pm as they all have kids, my mum lives an hour away and works full time. Our plan is either I'll get a taxi or DH and DD will drop me off DD and he will come back when my mum gets there or DD goes to school. I'm prepared to do at least some alone and it's not the end of the world. Not sure DD would enjoy seeing a birth- she's still horrified that babies come out of vaginas- so I'd rather keep her at home and have her come when baby is out.

The first stage can last a while when if you had a quick first birth, I doubt you would be admitted until 3/4cm dilated and are having regular contractions (3 in 10 minutes for at least an hour IIRC). If you let your mum know as soon as you're in the early stages you have a decent chance of it working out. If it is quick prepare yourself for being alone for at least part of the labour, or have lots of plans in place just in case.

Could you ask to be induced?

Yes, I would have no issue with labouring alone if needs be. Ideally I'd want DH to be there of course but if he needs to stay with DD so be it!

Last time things got going pretty much instantly, I went to hospital as soon as labour started (as waters had already broken) and was admitted straight away as was 4cm.

Could you call your mum as soon as you feel Labour starting and ask her to drive to the hospital to collect DD. Then you, DH and DD drive to the hospital and your mum get DD from there so your DH can stay with you.

Might save your DH a bit of time toing and froing from the hospital?

When I had my daughter my children’s father stayed at home with our young son aged 2 years and 9 months and I went to the hospital by myself in the early hours of the morning and gave birth.

They then came up in the morning at half 8/9.

Think I'd ask the neighbour. My dh babysat for next door while she was having dc2 . We had a quiet knock on the door at 11pm as her parents had got stuck in traffic. He came home a couple of hours later when they managed to make it.

I would go for No. 2.
This caused me a lot of worry as like you we had recently moved and were 200 miles from family. My DH didn't have a job he could easily leave so I arranged with a neighbour that if I went into labour during working hours she would have my toddler. As it turned out my in-laws were around and looked after DD during the evening while I was having DC2. I remember all the worry about it though.

Yes, same thing that my DH works 90 mins away so if labour starts during the day I guess I will have to get a taxi. And ask another school mum to look after DD for a bit until someone can pick her up. For some reason if it's in the day it feels like it wouldn't be such a big deal as if it is the middle of the night.

I would opt for dh staying with dd until mum arrives. As you don't want the added worry/stress of neighbor watching dd whilst in labour.

My eldest was roughly the same age as your daughter when I had my second. My first delivery was very quick too so had concerns so we had various plans.

If I went into labour during the day and DS was in nursery, one of the nursery staff (who we knew well and trusted implicitly) would bring him back to our house (we gave her a key in advance) and stay here with him until MIL could get here (she's closest but still 3.5 hours from us).

If during weekend when DS not in nursery, same plan but we would wait until nursery staff friend got here.

If middle of night we would call MIL immediately and we would all go to hospital together. If necessary I would labour alone / with midwives until husband could join me (I didn't want DS to see me in labour - I vomit through my labours)

Middle of night plan was also the plan if anybody couldn't be reached at any time.

As it was, I had to be induced with DS2 so it all worked out fine with MIL here for DS1 and DH with me. Quick labour again and we were discharged home swiftly. It was fab.

Ask the neighbour or any of your new friends. People will be willing to help you for a short time.

I’m always shocked when people allow their small children give birth. I can’t imagine how that would be anything other than utterly terrifying and potentially traumatising for a child who can’t possibly understand what they’re witnessing. Off topic, worry but it stuns and horrifies me that anyone could ever think that’s ok.

Ask your friends OP-I would happily help out a new friend in that situation. I’ve been there and it’s stressful having to plan for all eventualities.

*see them give birth, not give birth themselves obviously!

DM and DMIL came to stay for a week each from week 39. DS2 arrived in week 41 (DS1 has arrived in week 42). Our CM has said to ring her if I’d gone into labour earlier and we could have dropped DS1 with her in the middle of the night.

If you can't find a friend/neighbour take your dd to the hospital with you, in the unlikely event of an incredibly quick birth someone at the hospital will be able to watch her until you dm arrives (it happens) but more likely you will be checked that you are in labour and your dh can stay in the waiting room with your dd, by which time your mum will arrive

rainycloudyday

My son saw me in labour (he was eating cereal and watching TV for the actual birth). He was not traumatised by it and is looking forward to the birth of his next sibling next year.

I had a very smooth labour. 2.5 hours from start to finish.

I think it’s completely 100% ok.

Honestly, ask. The people who we had on our list were a real mixture of folk but mostly of the “school mums and dads” variety. Our nearest useful family were six hours drive away.

I would be honoured to be asked to look after children, however little I knew them. Most people are the same- even in the middle of the night.

(Although I hope you have what I did: dc2 and 3 were both daytime babies, and things didn’t ramp up until elder sibling(s) has been deposited to school and nursery)

Is your eldest at nursery? Can they help? Ie with nursery management bt agreement could one of the nursery staff look after your child till your mum arrives... Be it At yours or hospital?
If possible that's a great plan as someone they know, local, is checked out etc and nicer earner for volunteer

If you were my neighbour I would have no problem at all holding the fort until your mum arrived

When our second was born we had no family at all within six hours so had to rely on the goodwill of our friends and neighbours! You have loads of options. If it happens at night, ask neighbour if they can come sit at yours for 2h with dd while your mum drives down. Chances are dd will sleep through it all and be none the wiser. Ask some school/nursery friends too if they would mind if you were desperate. Ask nursery staff if they could come over, or take dd home with them, they may be able to. Leave a set of keys with nursery/school if you are happy doing so. Ask neighbour round in advance for tea or something so she is not a total stranger to dd.

My first labour was 5h total. My second labour was exactly the same. I have many friends who were similar. There is no guarantee it will be faster.

You will either have baby 2 while dd is at school, st the weekend when friends can help for an hour or two or during the night and she will be asleep. Cover every scenario with a plan a, b, c and it will be absolutely fine.

In our case, dc2 arrived in the early hours. Our neighbour came and slept on the couch to watch DC1 then in the morning one of the nursery staff picked him up on the way in and took him in with her. DH picked him up as usual in the afternoon and then they both came to the hospital.

People are usually very happy to help out in such exceptional circumstances, it's exciting when a new baby arrives!

Festivecheeseandcrackers

So your son was watching tv, not watching you actually give birth? Presumably in another room? That’s not what I meant at all, I’m talking about people who have their young child actually in the room. I’m sure some would disagree but I think it’s an awful thing to do to a child.

And that’s great that you had a smooth birth but what if you hadn’t, what if you had a haemorrhage or something even worse? Assuming I’m correct in thinking your son wasn’t actually present for the birth itself this doesn’t apply to you but people who say a child can be there-seriously think about the implications for that poor child should something go badly.

Again, sorry to derail I’m just shocked that anyone says to take a child with you to give birth!!

I’m a registered childminder and I’d be happy to be on call for this type of situation.

A bit different because my first labour was only an hour long, but I had elective inductions with my second and third (and 4th) to allow the older one(s) to be safely minded and me to get to hospital (labour 2 was 45 minutes, 3 was 40, 4 was longer at over 2 hours with added complications)

@howmanysleepsnow wow you have quick labours!! I really hope this baby doesn't come in 45 mins Do you have any early twinges/signs or do you pretty much go from going about normal life to holding a baby within an hour??