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Original poster

Being left out

79 replies

Anon2126 · 05/10/2019 22:40

Hi I could really use some advice please. It's my dad's birthday coming up & sister has invited our parents to her house for lunch & she hasn't invited me or her nephew
(he's 4 & half months old). This isn't the first time she's excluded me, she invited my parents out for lunch for our dad's birthday last year & didn't invite me claiming she had no room on the car for me to go. I'm really upset being excluded again. How do I go about talking to her about it as she's really sensitive & gets easily offended & can get quite defensive??

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 05/10/2019 22:56

😔😔

OP posts:
RainbowMum11 · 05/10/2019 22:58

Ask her straight what time you should be there - see what her reaction is.

Original poster
Anon2126 · 05/10/2019 23:45

Lol 😂 I might try that thank you 😂

OP posts:

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Families
AlwaysCheddar · 06/10/2019 06:31

Have a lunch at your house without her

AmIThough · 06/10/2019 06:35

How old are you?
Why don't you just arrange your own celebrations?
You don't need to be invited. It's not your birthday.

Charlieiscool · 06/10/2019 06:37

Invite your parents for lunch another day. She has invited them but it isn’t really excluding you as much as her wanting to have time with her parents. I wouldn’t expect to be invited over to my sister’s every time she has lunch with our parents.

ohmysoul · 06/10/2019 07:10

I do this with my parents on their birthdays. I don't invite my siblings because it isn't their birthday, it's my parent's birthday. Do something to celebrate with them yourself.

Bucatini · 06/10/2019 07:12

Tbh I wouldn't necessarily expect my brother to invite me to lunch just because he was hosting my parents (although I understand that all families are different). So personally I'd just arrange a separate event for you and your parents.

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 06/10/2019 07:13

Yeah I agree that you should plan your own activity with your parents. If it were my dad's birthday, I'd plan something for him. If my sister wanted to be involved, I'd have expected her to phone me and ask what I'm planning for dad's birthday and shall we arrange something together and how can she help/chip in etc. If she didn't get in contact, I wouldn't plan, prepare, pay for, cook a meal and invite her along as it's not her birthday and I'd expect that she had her own gift/treat planned.

guinnessguzzler · 06/10/2019 08:09

I'm with you, OP, especially if you all live reasonably near each other, I'd think that kind of thing would include all siblings. Certainly it would be a nice thing to do to invite you.

However, as you can see from the replies so far, lots of people just don't see it that way. Whether your sister is deliberately excluding you (for example in an attempt to be seen as the better daughter) or whether she just doesn't see things your way, is hard to know but you may have a sense of this. Her motivation is crucial in how you address it really. If she is deliberately excluding you, rather than simply not seeing this a something that would be a whole family thing, then I think there is likely no point in trying to address it, especially given your description of her as being defensive. My guess (based only one this one post so I absolutely accept I might be way off) is that there are a whole load of complicated family dynamics behind all of this but you will obviously know whether or not that is the case.

Whatafackinliberty · 06/10/2019 08:47

Not sure why you’d expect to be invited tbh

HotChocolateLover · 06/10/2019 09:16

I wouldn’t worry about it. My sister and I are quite flexible about our mum’s birthday. This year we saw mum separately and other years we have done things together. No biggy.

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 10:46

When it comes to our parents birthdays we've always celebrated as a family, that's why I'm upset I haven't been invited. I honestly feel like I'm being purposely excluded.

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whitetoblerone · 06/10/2019 10:51

Those people saying that OP shouldn't expect to be invited every time her sister hosts their parents are missing the point..OP isn't saying that, she's upset because it's her Dad's birthday and she's been excluded for the second time!

I'm with you, OP. We would always celebrate together as a family too. I'd just ask your sister what time lunch is and ask if you can bring anything? Has she actually said you're not invited?! Or is she assuming that you'll just know you're invited? I suppose I wouldn't necessarily invite my sister as she would know she's invited anyway!

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 06/10/2019 11:33

Is your sister always the one who organises/hosts? Maybe she's sick of being the only one to sort anything?

filka · 06/10/2019 11:39

Invite parents to yours next year - and get the invite in early!

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 11:43

Thank you, someone who actually understands where I'm coming from! They go to my sisters a lot & obviously I'm not expecting to be invited every time, but it's our dad's birthday! I know I'm not invited because she if I was she would've mentioned it when I rang her the other day.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 06/10/2019 11:46

How often do you invite your parents and sister’s family round to yours?

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 12:18

Ive mentioned to my sister about coming to my house a few times but nothing is ever arranged. My parents have been a total of 4 times to my house. Once before my son was born & 3 times since he was born 3 & half months ago. I always go to them. I don't live very far from them but the public transport to where I live isn't very regular & my dad refuses to pay taxi fare. My sister has only two my son once in the 4 & a half months since he was born & that was when he was 2 weeks old.

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Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 12:19

Sorry my sister has only met my son once. My parents go to my sisters more than they come to me.

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Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 12:22

Sorry my son was born 4 & half months ago. New phone, just trying to get the hang of it lol

OP posts:
fedup21 · 06/10/2019 12:25

Ive mentioned to my sister about coming to my house a few times but nothing is ever arranged.

Well, that’s down to you, surely? You’re the host and the only one who can arrange things at your own house.

Invite people to your house on a specific day. It sounds like you’re upset people don’t invite you to specific things at their houses when you don’t invite them to specific things at yours!

Sniv · 06/10/2019 12:35

Your sister wants to see her dad on his birthday, so that's what she's arranged.

It would be nice for her to invite more people and make it a bigger party, but it takes more time, energy, money and headspace to host for and feed more people. It also gets wearing if you're the one who always does it, especially if other people start feeling entitled to invites.

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 12:37

No that's not the case all. My parents have been invited numerous of times but like I said in my last post, the public transport to where I live isn't regular & my dad isn't prepared to pay taxi fare to come here!!!

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Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 12:38

I'm upset because my sister has invited my parents for a meal for my dad's birthday & purposely not invited me.

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