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Original poster

Being left out

79 replies

Anon2126 · 05/10/2019 22:40

Hi I could really use some advice please. It's my dad's birthday coming up & sister has invited our parents to her house for lunch & she hasn't invited me or her nephew
(he's 4 & half months old). This isn't the first time she's excluded me, she invited my parents out for lunch for our dad's birthday last year & didn't invite me claiming she had no room on the car for me to go. I'm really upset being excluded again. How do I go about talking to her about it as she's really sensitive & gets easily offended & can get quite defensive??

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 15:06

@Graphista: Yes that's exactly what happened!! Fedup21: No we haven't had a falling out!

OP posts:
fedup21 · 06/10/2019 15:07

Why are you ignoring my questions?

Have you had a falling out with your sister?

Have you asked her why you always used to see your parents together on their birthday but now she seems to not want you there?

Have you asked her if you’ve done something to upset her?

BatshitBertha · 06/10/2019 15:13

I certainly hope you've told your sister and parents that you are hurt you've not been included for a family birthday meal (without blame and drama, just tell them you are sad)

If you want a close relationship with your family you need to be able to be honest with them. Don't come on here to talk to strangers about it, tell your loved ones you're upset.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 15:28

Fedup21: I'm not ignoring your questions. No we haven't fallen out & no I haven't done anything to upset her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 15:30

Yes Ive talked to them about it & explained how upset it makes me.

OP posts:
Spied · 06/10/2019 15:35

Do something another day with your parents and next year or next celebration that's coming up make sure to get in there first and invite them to your house ( sure your fiance could pick them up?)x

Spied · 06/10/2019 15:35

Sorry for the xBlush

saraclara · 06/10/2019 17:40

I can't imagine only seeing one of my two adult daughters on my birthday! Or on theirs! We always celebrate as a family. So yes, I totally understand where your sadness is coming from.
I would say that you'd hoped to see your dad this birthday as you didn't get chance last year, and is there any chance you can join in the party. Otherwise if she's having them round in the evening, take them for lunch.

And next year, get in first! It sounds as though you wait for things to happen, rather than making them happen.

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 18:15

Sara Clara: I did see my dad on his birthday last year because my dad wouldn't go for the meal without me & I will be going over once my parents come back from my sisters house. I'm just sad & upset that I've left out, if that makes sense?

OP posts:
Dandelion1993 · 06/10/2019 18:17

Her child is 4 and is probably used to her dc being the centre of their attention and may not want your baby overshadowing that.

NorthEndGal · 06/10/2019 18:57

You still haven't said, did you offer to cab last year, so everyone could go out?

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 19:45

NorthEnd Gal: My sister was taking everyone except me out in her car.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 19:47

Dandelion1993: Possibly!

OP posts:
Rachelover60 · 06/10/2019 19:53

It does seem odd, Anon. Have you spoken to your sister about it? In your position I would.

(You said your dad doesn't want to pay out for a taxi to see you but presumably your mum has her own money and she could.)

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 20:07

Dandelion1993: I don't think my DS would overshadow my nephew because they see him a lot more than they've seen my son & they don't seem to bothered about it.

Rachelover60: Neither of them are willing to pay taxi fare to come over & see us.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 20:16

The buses to where I live aren't very regular either so it's awkward for them get here. I'm not expecting them to fork out for a taxi to come & see us all the time but it would be nice if they made the effort to come & see their grandson like they do their other one! If I wasn't going over for my dad's birthday, it would be 3 weeks since they've seen him.

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 06/10/2019 21:28

I understand that your sister invited everyone but you to go in her car.
What I am saying, is when she said there wasnt room in the car, did you offer to cab yourself over, if it was just an issue of space.
As in, if you provided your own ride, could you have gone?

altiara · 06/10/2019 21:31

Think your sister’s annoyed after last year when your dad refused to go for the birthday lunch so she’s booked him in first.
If she just wants to organise stuff for your parents and her family then I guess that’s her choice, don’t look at it as being excluded. Just organise your own thing.

In my family, I might do something with my mum but I would try and arrange my brother to come over that weekend, but if he arranged something close to his house, I wouldn’t be put out if I wasn’t invited. Well I actually I might be, even if I didn’t want to go!

NorthEndGal · 06/10/2019 21:43

The reason I am asking do specifically about the cab, is that it matters.
If there was no room in the car, you offered to cab, and she still said no you cant come, that's terrible.
If she said there is no room in the car, you pitch a fit without offering a solution, and cause your Dad to miss his birthday meal, very different scenario, and you could see why she would not be happy.

fedup21 · 06/10/2019 21:50

The reason I am asking do specifically about the cab, is that it matters.If there was no room in the car, you offered to cab, and she still said no you cant come, that's terrible.If she said there is no room in the car, you pitch a fit without offering a solution, and cause your Dad to miss his birthday meal, very different scenario, and you could see why she would not be happy.

Exactly.

Is your sister the only one in your family who drives?

It’s very odd that you always used to do birthdays together but last year your sister didn’t want you to come.

There will be a reason for that and you need to keep asking until you find out what it is.

Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 22:51

No I didn't suggest a cab but my sister hadn't invited me to the meal anyway, she knew I was doing over to my parents that day. If my dad hadn't of mentioned to me about them going for a meal, I wouldn't have known anything about it 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon2126 · 06/10/2019 22:54

Yes my sister is the only one who drives. I was learning to drive before I knew I pregnant but stopped once I found out as I didn't feel comfortable.

OP posts:
DartmoorChef · 06/10/2019 23:28

So last year your sister knew you were going round in the daytime, so arranged to see your dad in the evening for a meal. That way your dad sees both his daughters on his birthday.

Im sensing that you maybe being a teeny bit oversensitive about it and also seem to expect everyone but yourself to make all the arrangements.

MoltonSilver · 06/10/2019 23:30

Your sister has only met your son once?
I think I'd be more upset about that than about being invited to lunch.
You have a new baby - it's not up to you to organise anything at the moment. She should be making the effort.

PixieDustt · 06/10/2019 23:47

I get where you are coming from OP!
My sister is exactly the same!
She's very spiteful and generally just mean

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