Being left out

[Anon2126]

Hi I could really use some advice please. It's my dad's birthday coming up & sister has invited our parents to her house for lunch & she hasn't invited me or her nephew
(he's 4 & half months old). This isn't the first time she's excluded me, she invited my parents out for lunch for our dad's birthday last year & didn't invite me claiming she had no room on the car for me to go. I'm really upset being excluded again. How do I go about talking to her about it as she's really sensitive & gets easily offended & can get quite defensive??

How do they get to your sister’s?

Can you go and collect them to come to yours?

Or suggest meeting somewhere for lunch that is easier to get to.

If there isn’t room in the car for you and a baby and you expect to be driven back and forth that isn’t their fault.

It's kind of mean that she hasn't invited you and DS along.
BUT
If you don't drive, it is absolutely not your sister's responsibility to pick you up and drop you off afterwards. That may be what is annoying her.
She's already got your parents in the car, are you expecting her to do multi-trips to facilitate you?

I'm upset because my sister has invited my parents for a meal for my dad's birthday & purposely not invited me.

I often invite my parents over for lunch and don’t invite my siblings. They do as well. Sometimes it’s easier.

If you never organise anything (be it at yours or somewhere easy for everyone to get to) then you probably won’t get invited.

I'm not expecting her to pick me up & I have never said or insinuated that I do. My parents usually walk to my sisters house. My fiancé normally takes me to my parents & then he goes to work & I spend all day there & he'll pick me up after work. And last year my sister knew that I was going over to my parents but still insisted on taking my parents out for a meal. When my dad kept telling her I was coming over all she kept saying 'Well there's no room in the car. My dad was addimemt he wasn't going to leave me at home on my own while they were out having a meal which is what my sister wanted to do. My sis didn't like that & took the huff.

Is she miffed you have had the first dgc?

Well in that case, I think she's mean and also, your parents are a bit thoughtless too. They should have declined and suggested a meal out on your dad's birthday when all of his children could attend.

They didn't end up going out of the birthday meal in the end because of my sister wanting to leave me out & leave me at home by myself while her, her partner, their son & my parents went for a meal. That's why she took the huff!

Sorry what's dgc?

It sounds like your sister is pissed off with you for some reason. I would try to find out why.

Like I've said, I'm not expecting to be invited around all the time but it's our dads birthday & we usually celebrate as a family & the fact she has purposely left me out, upsets me.

Have you tried ringing her and saying, ‘we used to celebrate dad’s birthday all together, have I done something to upset you and make you not want me to come?’

That is probably going to be more productive than asking us.

Dear grand child.

Is your baby the first grandchild? If so, she may think your baby will take the attention away from the birthday.

As my siblings and I have got older, we do things separately with out parents. It's just about getting that personal time with them.

We sometimes do things together but there's no harm in not.

Ooh right! No my my son is their second grandchild, my sister has a 4 year old son.

I think it's a mixture then of the baby thing and lack of transport.

It sound alike she wants a meal to celebrate her parents birthday with her child.

Just do something separate or move on.

To be fair, it's not really your sister's fault if your dad doesn't want to visit you.

Perhaps next year you could suggest you and your sister cook dinner at your parent's house?

It's definitely not jealousy as my parents make more of an effort to see my sister & her son than they do with us. Even though my sister barely rings them (they've gone 2 weeks or more without hearing from her) & just doesn't turn up when she's arranged to go around & doesn't let them know why. I ring everyday & have a good conversation with them both!

Did you offer to pay for the cab for yourself last year, so you could go?

Another option would be for you to take him out somewhere close to his house, so he doesn't have to cab? Then you could be the one to invite, and make sure everyone is included.

Another option would be for you to take him out somewhere close to his house, so he doesn't have to cab? Then you could be the one to invite, and make sure everyone is included.

Good idea. Have you ever done something like this?

I’ve asked already but why don’t you ring her and find out whether you’ve done something to upset her?

Dandelion1993: What do mean you think it's a mix of the baby thing?

Why couldn't you just get a cab for last years fathers birthday meal? Where was your fiancé at this time?

Have you and your sister had a falling out? Did you ask at the time why you couldn’t come? Presumably someone asked her?

@Graphista
My understanding is that the dear sister put herself in charge of this and didn't want the OP there.

It's not a case of not wanting to get a taxi to go to the meal last year, it's the fact that my sister didn't purposely invite me even though she knew I was going to my parents that day!