WWYD? A boy cut my DD hair at school today

[angryscissors]

What would you do?
Genuinely interested in your responses - how would you react? How would you feel? Would you say anything?

Secondary school. Often sat boy girl boy girl. He took scissors from his pencil case and was snapping them about in the air and towards DD. She moved as far away as possible on her chair and the table. He cut what I would describe as 3-4 sticks of dry spaghetti bunch of hair from her ponytail.

Wow

Incompetent management from top to bottom.

Formal complaint about their handling of it in writing and demand that the boy be sanctioned. Who cares if he's crying and incoherent; he did it, everyone knows it, they just can't cope!

But it's assault and they need to deal with it properly and stop tip toeing around the little arsehole.

Another who initially assumed this was going to be in a Reception class.

Then, reading through the first couple of pages, I'm inclined to agree with lljkk, that there is a lot of assuming and projecting by some posters as ever on MN.

However, your updates today show the school in a very poor light. They have handled this incredibly badly.

You cannot let this go OP. Well done for keeping cool

In my experience schools like to let these things slide for a couple of weeks so by the time you lose patience and get the police involved you will hear "too much time has passed to get reliable statements". This happened to us when my son was assaulted by a teacher.

The fact that the boy's parents appear not to have been contacted would be a major red flag for me. If the school intended to do anything about what had happened surely that would have been a good place to start. I would be talking to the police now.

What a ridiculous fuss .

The boy messed around and did something stupid. He probably fancies your daughter. He snipped off a few strands of hair. No one was hurt.

This won't affect anyone in ten years. Just drop it.

It’s not a “ridiculous fuss” that a pupil in class was seemingly able to wave scissors around wildly without reproach.

I’d be furious if my hair was cut in this way let alone my child’s.

Furthermore, what if another pupil had asked the OPs daughter a question and she turned around in such a way that these scissors caught her eye?

Waving scissors around wildly in a HIGH SCHOOL lesson is completely inappropriate.

A child in my year 4 class waved scissors around wildly (luckily with no damage as I spotted him and promptly put a stop to it) and he was not allowed outside to play all day and his parents were called in for a meeting by the Head.

@Shortfeet - I had thought we'd moved on from it's ok to assault girls if you like them. Thank full I believe most of the adult population apart from a few exceptions would seem to agree with me and not your statement. He deliberately cut her hair. He's in year 8 so no excuse didn't k ow better, and OP made it sound it was a good chunk of hair. Instead of apologising the boy keeps bursting into tears, taking no responsibility and that stance is being supported by the school. I'd be bloody furious too. Staring at her and trying to intimidate her must surely mean he wants to marry her then I guess....

He probably does fancy her. Year 8s have a funny way of showing it. I wouldn’t go too OTT if it was a few strands.

If he was waving scissors around, that’s really the school’s issue to deal with. I can’t see the police getting too excited tbh.

Little b@stard I'd be going CRAZY!!!

Maybe some school staff can offer more but I would contact the people above the school, ofsread/ governors?

School, bottom line are dragging their feet. Possibly thinking as time goes on you'll back off/ things will settle. Maybe they have a certain amount of time to investigate these things and are waiting for that time to lapse?

Boys parents need informing by the school and if even threaten with the newspapers/ seeking legal advice. Maybe ask for their safeguarding p&p's too.

You are doing well to hold it together this is awful, especially for dd who must feel like the school just don't give a shit.

He's a clever boy to use the tears to make the school back off- he's in full control of this whole situation. I'd even consider telling dd (with friend for safety) to tape him on her phone and confront him saying why did you do it? Chances are he will answer differently than to the teachers and I doubt would cry to her. Shitty job for dd but sometimes if you want things doing....
or confront him yourself (maybe tape too to prove non threatening) asking why and again he may answer differently.

I really would be kicking off.

What would the school be doing if a child was sexually or physically assaulted by a peer- sounds like nothing.

Stay strong op.

The crying is without a doubt manipulative, to shut down the conversation.

Very effective too as the school are not challenging him on it.

Not telling his parents is disgraceful.

OP, you have given them a chance.
I would now be indeed going to the police. As much to show them they cannot dismiss my DD as anything else.

I have boys, and I know some boys can be a bit silly and can not think this through, but this is very very wrong.

I would have expected his parents to have been brought in immediately. I would expect the boy to get a real bolloxing and I would expect for him to give a full-time apology for laying a hand on my DD.

I have heard of huge fuss's in schools for far less.
Particularly in mixed schools, boundaries need to be firm.

An appalling message has been sent out to the pupils.

OP, you say you are mad.

My husband would be apoplectic if anyone laid a hand on one of his DD's, not to mind me.

Fulsome apology.

I would be demanding a meeting with the headteacher. The HOY sounds useless.

.

He probably fancies your daughter.

What the flying f*? He's old enough to know you don't wave bladed weapons at people whether you "fancy" them or not. An 8 year old is old enough to know that, never mind a year 8. I thought society had moved beyond pulling the pigtails of girls you liked. It's creepy and misogynist.

Hair can very tied up to image and self esteem for teenagers. It's a horrible thing to do. I reckon he owes her at the very least the price of a good haircut if that's what she wants.

@SD1978 who says it’s ok to assault girls if you like them ? Not me.

We haven’t moved on, it’s not ok, but nor is it a big massive deal , requiring people to be furious.

A few tiny strands of hair were snipped. Not smart. Not ok. But its not like he shaved her head

Those calling for police have no understanding of the role of police.

Police are willing to take it fully as an incident and I have part reported so as not to leave a long gap timewise.

I very specifically asked is it an assault and the answer is a firm yes.

I am now going to raise a formal complaint to the school over the incident and the way it has been handled.

I've had a late email from head of year which is still far from satisfactory for me.

@shortfeet and when he has gotten away with this and maybe, just maybe got some some of buzz out of it, in ten years time his attitude to women could lead to a serious assault causing absolute distress for his victim.

Make sure when you raise the complaint you copy it in to the Chair of Governors and pass it to school in a sealed envelope or (if via email) specifically request confirmation that it has been passed on to the Chair. They need to be aware to hold the school accountable if they are not following protocol.

Really @Shortfeet - I don't think I'm the only lawyer who thinks the police investigate assaults. I must have got it wrong all these years.

Ffs I thought this was going to be about 5/6 year olds

What a nasty thing to do

I'd be looking for an incident report at the very least

Cutting hair?
Staring?

Bit creepy

I think people on here have a very accurate understanding of the role of the police.

Hence they have taken the report very seriously and confirmed it is an assault.

In a well run school, with so many witnesses, that boys parents would have been called immediately, he would have been removed from class and the school, pending a formal investigation by the school.

The school are very very poor in there handling of an incident so serious.

It says so much about their attitude that they want you to go away.

I think you will be doing a great thing for all the children in that school to follow this through OP.

I hope you DD is doing ok.

Last update from me.

Complaint finally followed up because I followed procedure to the letter for their complaints.

I met the head. Lots of well polished phrases. I have no desire to have a row with my children's schools so I was calm but assertive.

The boy continues to deny. He was told that if any new evidence came to light then the incident becomes incredibly severe. He has been told the police were called. He hasn't been made to apologise or acknowledge his wild scissor waving with any punishment which is disappointing.

As for the school, there were plenty of polished statements about why they did what they did. I kept asking if it was an acceptable situation to not communicate. I pointed out their failure on safeguarding. Repeatedly. I said they should be glad it was a pair of scissors and not a weapon.

I got two verbal apologies and three in writing - the head of year told his head categorically that he had apologised so I made it clear he had absolutely not. And I made it a clear that no one had apologised to my DD to have been put in the situation in the first place. Apparently head of year will find her to do so.... 2 days and still counting .

The police absolutely would investigate. It is an assault. The school finally acknowledged the severity of the allegation.

Head asked me what do you want?
I said if you're really an outstanding school then hopefully you have already done what I want and as I have your reply in writing I sincerely hope you have made some adjustments accordingly.

They acknowledged their failures so they've all had a 'telling off' in staff meetings. I hope they learn and improve.