What do you do if no babysitter?

[ReturnofSaturn]

We have a 19 month old son.

Me and DH are desperate for a night out just me and him.

However we have no one to babysit. The only family I have here is my parents who can't do childcare as my dad is my mums carer - she has dementia.
I have a sister but i just can't ask her right now as she works full time as well as doing a lot for my parents. Plus her work is usually evening hours too ( casino)

So my question is, what do other people do in this situation? Just never go out? Pay a stranger to babysit? (I really struggle with the idea of a stranger in our house with our baby while we are out)

I'm not really looking for a solution here, just wondering what other people do?

Get a friend; Swap with other PNG mums; use sitters.com.

There are options.

I hate reading that people don't go out. It makes me sad.

I have gone out but not with my husband alone for a date and my eldest is now 15. I'm used to it now!

Surely you can leave the 15 year old home alone and go out or don’t you want to?

Generally didn’t go out or went out without dp.

Did a babysitting swap with another mum.

My eldest has just gone to uni and my other one comes and goes, has a busy life. I just can’t imagine getting to this stage of our lives and looking at DH, thinking it’s just me and you now pal, if we hadn’t maintained that connection, without kids, as they were growing up. I loved our family time but we also needed time away from them, just us, and it was good for them too.

Makes me sad, too @Oblomov

My DCs loved being left with babysitters - usually older siblings of their friends who they thought as "really cool".

(I didn't have a crazy social life - just involved in a few voluntary/church groups. I wish it was the former!)

I just wouldn't go out. Lack of social life is par for the course with young children I'm afraid. I'm lucky that my mum will babysit every couple of months or so, but I'd never use a babysitter I didn't know. They seem very popular on here but I don't know anyone in real life that would use one.

People seem to assume that the only going out a couple might want to do is in the evening. I don’t drink and my hearing is in trouble so I don’t want to go to a noisy restaurant or bar. Cinema would be good. DH not fussed about the theatre.

I’d like to be able to go out more the DH in the day, go for a lovely long walk in the countryside with him, but finding someone who’d babysit DD for 6 hours or so in the day is pretty tricky.

But I certainly don’t need anyone feeling sad because I don’t go out much at night.

But I certainly don’t need anyone feeling sad because I don’t go out much at night.

The reason people go out at night is because their DCs are asleep then so don't miss them...surely that's quite obvious!

Lack of social life is par for the course with young children I'm afraid.

Maybe for you, not for everyone. Among my friends and family with young kids, we all either use relatives or babysitters to be able to get nights out and occasionally weekends away. My DCs exist because DH and I have a relationship with each other, if we don't dedicate any energy to it, that's bad for the whole family.

My parents never went out socially when I was growing up and I must say I was quite jealous of people whose parents did and who had a babysitter. It was usually a teenage girl and they always seemed so exciting, and my friends seemed to have such a great time with the babysitter.

If I could find a suitable babysitter I wouldn't hesitate.

Don’t feel sad for me - how patronising. Dh and I are very happy after 20yrs together and have had some lovely “dates” during the daytime and continue to do so. We don’t need to be out and about after 7pm to consider it enjoyable

We also paid for one of the nursery teachers to babysit. Several of them did that. Always used the same one and occasionally her older daughter would babysit.

edge err, no, that's not obvious to me at all.

@CassianAndor glad to have enlightened you then! We put our DCs to bed, then go out, and are back while they're still asleep. Whoever is watching them basically gets a few hours of telly and texting their friends as my DCs rarely wake up before midnight and we're always back well before then.

Our nursery staff do paid babysitting. Also our cleaner, who the kids know well. Neither is a cheap option but we use them occasionally. Also swapping with friends works well- especially our next door neighbours. But when they were very little i usually only went out once they were down.

On daytime days out. Very occasionally taking a day's leave together while they were at nursery - very indulgent!

yes, I understand how babysitting in the evening works. I've had evening babysitters.

My DD missing me is not actual a concern. I just don't have anything I want to do with DH out of the house in the evening. Therefore I don't need anyone's sadness that I don't go out much in the evening with him.

I would love to be able to go for a good long walk with him, just him, and DD would love to be at a friend's for the day - but that's a big big ask of someone. So it doesn't happen.

Cassian how old is dd? Because once thwy are school age it's really not a big ask. I love having dc over for mine to play with and often swap full days with people, either for holiday cover or for just for fun. A friend just got married and i told her to send her son to ours for the weekend so she can have a night away. If she'd asked I'd have been happy to say yes- especially if she offered to return the favour one day!

A friends teenage niece who works in a nursery and looks after their children babysits for us once a month, it's an added expense we could technically do without but it's something that's really important to us.

Occasionally we'll take a half day from work and just take the dog on a massive walk or go for brunch.

We also try to make nights in a bit "datey" by cooking something together, lighting candles, playing music and having a drink together away from all the toys etc.

The usual way to do it is to invite one of your dc's friends to join you for a day out. You'll soon find the invitations returned!

she's 9. The problem I find is that most of her friends have siblings and so me offering to have one of a friend's DC in return for them having DD is not going to help them out on the babysitting front.

And asking for this favour because I want to go for a walk with my DH (rather than something like a wedding) just feels like a mahoosive imposition.

I know what you mean, but i have two kids and i still wouldn't see it as that much of an imposition. I would try inviting children anyway and see what happens. On fact one of the reasons i have offered my friend the weekend away is because she is often doing smaller favours for me and i want to repay her. I won't get a weekend out of it as, lije you say, her returning the exact same favour wouldn't gelp me in the same way, but she often takes dd1 places and it gives me valuable time with dd2, for example, or allowed me to get some work done in the holidays when dd2 was at nursery.

I agree with you OP, I would never use a babysitter I didn't know and who my children didn't know.

If you can't think of anyone, you could cook a really nice meal at home one evening, something you don't normally have. Light candles etc.