What do you do if no babysitter?

[ReturnofSaturn]

We have a 19 month old son.

Me and DH are desperate for a night out just me and him.

However we have no one to babysit. The only family I have here is my parents who can't do childcare as my dad is my mums carer - she has dementia.
I have a sister but i just can't ask her right now as she works full time as well as doing a lot for my parents. Plus her work is usually evening hours too ( casino)

So my question is, what do other people do in this situation? Just never go out? Pay a stranger to babysit? (I really struggle with the idea of a stranger in our house with our baby while we are out)

I'm not really looking for a solution here, just wondering what other people do?

My children are now in their 30s. stealthbanana,I am still married to their father. We managed fine by not going out when our children were young. Mainly we were too tired at the end of the day to go out anyway!

I wouldn’t have survived the early years without having Friday night to look forward to where DH and I would have a meal in a local restaurant with a nice bottle of wine.

We go out about once a year if that. We pay £10 an hour for babysitter, who I met through nursery, but we just can't really afford to go out very often if we have to pay for that on top of meal or whatever.

I go out more with my friends/colleagues but as a couple it is once a year at the most.

ALL of our friends have family locally who babysit for them. We are the only people I know in this situation.

You don't have to go out on dates to have a relationship.
We never went out when DS was young, and now he's older (9) he just comes with us.

If your DS is in nursery asking the staff if they do babysitting is a great idea especially if you’re feeling nervous about leaving them- that way you get a professional and it’s someone your DS knows. Otherwise ask around for recommendations or use an online agency where you can read reviews. Local teens are great for older kids but I personally wouldn’t use them for a baby. We don’t have any family nearby and I wouldn’t dream on giving up on nights out together so it’s a combination of daycare staff, recommendations from friends and occasionally online for us.

Pay a stranger to babysit? (I really struggle with the idea of a stranger in our house with our baby while we are out)

Why? Do you have a meth lab?

We haven't been out since DS was born four years ago, we have had about 3 lunches out when we have bunked off work and used nursery, but we both work long hours and can't just go awol very easily

We were lucky and could use parents (mostly mine). My mum's not very well now, but we usually have an au pair these days at least.

Is there any chance of setting up a babysitting circle? We used this for a while and there are lots of websites that allow you to run them. The system was every new family joining needed to be known to at least two other families in the circle - we had a bit of an advantage in that there was a community this was based around (basically I think all the families were from one of two synagogues), so if DS is at a nursery, ask parents there, or even if you go to a play group or just local friends?

Nursery workers or babysitting services.

In reality we tended to use the odd day of annual leave while dc were at nursery and go out for fancy lunch and collect dc in afternoon as normal.

Pay a stranger to babysit? (I really struggle with the idea of a stranger in our house with our baby while we are out)

Why? Do you have a meth lab?

Err no just a normal mother who is wary of leaving a very small child with one complete stranger

Mine weren’t left with strangers but with their nursery staff who also did babysitting- can’t see anything wrong with that, can you?

I wouldn't use a babysitting service and we are in a similar situation. We haven't been out for nearly two years

Mine weren’t left with strangers but with their nursery staff who also did babysitting- can’t see anything wrong with that, can you?

Well no but that's not what I'm talking about is it. I'm talking about strangers. We literally don't know anyone who can babysit.

I’m another who just didn’t / don’t go out.

I struggled at first, but actually I’m not sure I’d change it looking back. We go to concerts, shows, fancyish dinners altogether. Yes you have to adjust times and places but actually it’s been fun having them part of it.

Neighbour's teenage daughter.
Or an agency when they were babies.

Either offer to swooped with a friend, found a local family with teenagers (lucky had some friends with teenagers) or paid one of the trainees at work who where grateful of extra money

Ask around for people. Neighbours & acquaintances. Local people with friends & you don’t have to leave them with strangers but ask around & you’ll find someone. When mine were that young, we used other parents with dc the same age & just did it for one another. Then we used local teenagers of families known to us & the DC. Now mine babysit other younger DC & so the cycle continues.

27 years , surely you got to abstege where the eldest could look after youngest a long time ago!!

A stage!

Various friends and neighbours. We did build up to it - anyone asking what we wanted for birthdays or Christmas, we asked for a promise of babysitting. And had reasonable standards for sitters - keep children safe and fairly happy, tick. Get them into bed and asleep on time - not so much.

Had a wonderful couple years when a neighbour's kid was in 6th form and she'd beg to babysit to get some peace away from her family!

I wouldn't use strangers either. I go out when ds is at his dads but if we were still together me and dp just would never go out.

Do you have any local friends or neighbours who have teenage DC? That's what we use (and I also babysat myself for neighbours from when I was 14).

Ok, if you are scared of the stranger of paid childcare option, you could try:

Asking "mum friends" who know your dc if they would be up for childcare swaps, you'll sit for them one friday/saturday night, they'll sit for you a week or so later. (Generally agreed good manners is to have your dcs in bed asleep before you go out and back before midnight)

Or, do you go to any baby and toddler groups where there are childminders or nannies there with the children they are paid to look after? Watch how they are with their mindees, if you are happy with that, ask if they do evening babysitting. Many do, and you can make an effort to get to know them in advance of asking so its not quite like leaving your dc with a stranger. (However childcare professionals will charge more like £10-15 per hour).

Never go out. Neighbours kids aren't old enough yet to manage a baby in nappies and our older one is a handful and not in bed before 9pm. sitters.com didn't work for us - "local" sitters seemed to be 7 miles away so worked out too expensive.

Me and DP have never been go-er outers together, we have a great relationship. Once little one is at school we will have a few daytime meals out but really not fussed about evening stuff.