I give up

[Goodbyefarewell]

Have obviously namechanged as to make myself anonamous...

My DP is in jail for DV against me. I can't describe the hurt he has caused me. I will not go into it unless someone specifically asks me. Do i get back with him? my heart is broken.

Hey xxx so sorry.
But the love thing right.... it's not going to be any use with a man who is controlling or violent...

No you do not get back with him.

You move on with your life, because he does not love you. It will be hard, but one day you will look back and be so glad that you got away.

You deserve so much better than him.

He's not going to change his behaviour in your relationship. I understand that you love him and there will have been some great times...however...his in jail because he's dangerous, he's been convicted of hurting you physically and emotionally. Don't take him back no matter how much he begs, promises never to do it again, cries, etc etc. Just please don't.

He’s in jail, you can’t do anything about that right now - use the time to find some headspace, think about what you want for yourself and what he brings in to your life.

I’m not going to ask what he’s done, you know what he’s done - it’s only going to get worse from here, because of you go back with him he knows you’ve accepted what he’s capable of. Is this what you want for your life? If it is, wait for him.

Move away. Cut all ties. Start a new life, make it better than his. Make what he did power you on to achieve greatness. You deserve it!

Do not get back with him! can you move? is where you live safe? Are the police protecting you?

Never take an abusive partner back. NOBODY deserves to feel scared or be abused like that. He's in jail for a reason and a very good one at that. If he's abused you once he'll do it again. Please consider getting some counselling to help guide you through this. You are worth so, so much more.

What?! No! He's been violent enough to get the police involved, for them to take action, for the CPS to think it worth going to trial and to be found guilty. No, you do not get back with him. You move to somewhere he won't find you and you make sure no-one who's likely to tell him knows where you are.

Why would you?

If the reason he is in jail is because of crimes he has done to you then no you do not go back. You can be civil but no more. For your sake. Have you tried talking to womensaid they may help you move forward.

dont go back. in the future you will understand that you did the right thing.

Noooooo!

Use this time to get some counselling and rebuild your life.

What a stupid question.
Why would you willingly get back with someone who abused you so badly he is in jail for it?

Don't be dumb and walk away while you can. There might not be a next time because you're dead

Of course you don’t.

Taking him back is literally giving him a green light to do it again, why wouldn't he when you've proved you still won't leave him? What if it's worse next time? What if he actually kills you?

*What a stupid question.
Why would you willingly get back with someone who abused you so badly he is in jail for it?

Don't be dumb and walk away while you can. There might not be a next time because you're dead*

@Octopuscrazy i don't appreciate the way you have spoken to me. It is not a stupid question AT ALL... i am hurt, i am angry and most of all i am confused.

He is telling me he didn't mean it and he is telling me he has changed. That doesnt make me dumb! I still love him and unfortunately as much as ive tried i cant change that.

I appreciate everybodys replies, thank you. This was a spare of the moment post as i would never usually ask for peoples opinion due to shame of still loving him.

Even though you still love him, please do not take him back. It is difficult, but you can get help from Women's Aid, and probably from a local domestic violence police unit - just keep taking steps to get away and make your own life on your terms. Love is not everything. Self-respect is worth more.

I understand how you feel.

However you need to start concentrating on loving yourself and not him. Are you getting any sort of help, woman's aid, freedom programme, police, counseling etc

I think you know the answer and I think you want someone to tell you what you want to hear, rather than what we are all saying.

I repeatedly took back the abusive ex I had my youngest child with. It was a mistake every time. He had me dangling constantly because I had nowhere else to stay permanently and was completely dependent. If I had been lucky enough to have had intervention and for him to have been charged for what he did to us, I'd have been relieved to have had the chance to properly get away. In the end, it wasn't love. I was frightened and gaslighted and had no confidence. They make you think you need them and all the feelings you feel are hard to shut off.

Have you spoken to a counsellor, women's aid or been on any courses as a result of the dv?

OP please don’t. Been there, done that, it never works.

No, don't. It'll be worse next time, because he'll be angry he was punished. He's lying so you'll take him back. I'm speaking from experience here.

How can you believe a word he says?

If a stranger hit you and was imprisoned for it, would you love them?

Don’t become a statistic

If you take him back he will get worse because you have shown him you already accept this behaviour

You don't go to prison for a first offence. He hasn't changed, and he won't.
Please don't go back to him. Eventually he'll kill you.

Do you love him (including the part of him that was capable of hurting you, that chose to do what he did) or the idea of who you thought he was/ who you hope he’ll be now he’s “changed”? Only the first one exists, and you deserve better. I agree with others that going back would be risking your life.