For those who didn't have sex as teenagers - why did you wait?

[NeverSayFreelance]

This is totally random, but I'm on a train and musing to myself.

I see a lot of MNers talking about their children having sex as teens, and then lots of responses from other MNers talking about how they had sex as teens themselves.

I'm somewhat surprised by it! I'm in my twenties and raised non-religious, so it's not a generational thing - I just was not remotely interested in sex as a teenager! Honestly until I met my DP at 21, I still wasn't interested.

If you missed the horny teenager phase, what were your reasons? Let me know I'm not alone here

I also had a very religious upbringing so had huge guilt, and was also terrified of my parents finding out.

Horrendous body image problems and poor self-esteem. The thought of anyone seeing me naked or sexual contact genuinely filled me with dread!

I was 21.
I was terrified of AIDS. I came into my sexual prime in the midst of the AIDS crisis. I had known people who were either HIV+ or had had full-blown AIDS and it definitely made me look before I leapt. We're talking 28 years ago.

I was a painfully shy and anxious recluse basically, like a few people here it seems.

I have a baby now though, so it has happened since.

Fat and ugly

Because I was too scared of getting pregnant and being a teenage mum

Honestly because I was deemed too ugly and simply didn’t have any offers

Grew up, went out, had fun with out pressure...

Oh also fat and ugly..

I was brought up in a generation where in most people waited until they were married. My mum talked about sex as being a chore. I was very shy and didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 18.
I met DH when I was 22 and married a year later. I had a lot of hang ups over sex and had a sexless marriage for 2 years.
I sought counselling when my marriage was in jeopardy and was finally able to have sex with my very patient DH. We have been married over 30 years. I’m still a reluctant partner and would be quite happy to be celibate.

No one asked me.

I was 18. I waited until I was in a relationship with somebody I trusted and then it was just about getting the opportunity. I broke up with him a few months later because I wanted to focus on my a levels. I can't have been too smitten!
I'm glad it worked out that way, if I'd gone to university a virgin I think I would have ended up losing it while drunk or to someone who was only after sex. I did experience both those things but it didn't knock me the way it would have if I'd been more vulnerable. I think I'd managed to de romanticize sex to an extent and see it as mostly a physical thing.
When I met dh (10 lovers later) it was so different to my previous experiences, we just clicked emotionally and physically and it was a revelation!

@Sakura7 that's exactly how I felt! I'm still sure I have huge trust issues and would struggle to ever have sex with someone else if DP and I broke up.

Also grew up in the '80s. Knew loads of people at it from 14/15 onwards but not in my friendship group... Most of the people I knew got into serious relationships at University or even after. Didn't sleep around... Different people have different lifestyles I suppose.

Ugly and didn’t know any boys

Never met anyone I wanted to have sex with. Only did it as the society at the time was very much 'If you're of age and a virgin and not in a committed relationship you must be fat and ugly and no one likes / wants you'.

Wish I never caved

I never thought about going as far as sex I suppose. I did it when I was 20. Only because all my friends had done it, and I felt left out. Silly reason, but I was young. I didn't love my boyfriend at the time but I liked him a lot, and he was gentle so I thought, this'll do.

I didn't meet someone I cared enough about to have sex with until I was 19.

I was 18. I’ve still only slept with two blokes, and I married them both.

I love sex, I wish so much I’d had more of it with more people, but I’m just not built that way. It takes a hell of a lot for me to trust someone enough to let them see me naked 🤷🏼‍♀️

I just wasn't interested, it grossed me out. I didn't want a relationship with anyone either.

When I was 21 I finally decided I was curious enough about it to 'go through with it' though I still wasn't that excited by the idea... conveniently some sexual tension developed at that time between me and a male friend, and so it happened, and we had a 'friends with benefits' relationship for a while (lived 100 miles apart). As it is I'm very happy I lost my virginity to a friend who I loved in a way and trusted (and still do love and trust!) when I was ready. It probably wasn't great sex but emotionally it was safe and caring, which was not a bad start.

TBH, at the end of school most of my mates were still virgins, so it's not the case everyone was at it. I'm not going to assume the same of my kids - I will take the attitude that I am happy for them to have partners over post 16. As my mum said of hosting my bro's girlfriend (now wife) and letting them stay over aged 16 'Would you rather have them doing it safely at home or on a park bench?'

No one was offering I suppose. I went to a single sex school and didn't really know any boys. Also I'm super awkward so if I wouldn't have known what to say to a boy if I ever did meet one.

Because it felt like a really big step and I wasn't ready

Wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy or commitment or exposure to someone else. It wouldn’t have felt right to sleep with someone till I could deal with the embarrassment and openness with someone. I was very horny though from about age 12 and couldn’t wait to try it!

Christians can have sex

Of course they can and do, and love and enjoy it, inside marriage

Most people don't get married as a teen. (Some do of course) so one reason some people don't have sex as teens is because they are waiting for marriage.

I had sex at 15. From about the age of 14 onwards sex was always on my mind. I had intense crushes on boys and felt a natural progression to have sex with my boyfriend. I'm now 31 and I'm still very highly sexed.