For those who didn't have sex as teenagers - why did you wait?

[NeverSayFreelance]

This is totally random, but I'm on a train and musing to myself.

I see a lot of MNers talking about their children having sex as teens, and then lots of responses from other MNers talking about how they had sex as teens themselves.

I'm somewhat surprised by it! I'm in my twenties and raised non-religious, so it's not a generational thing - I just was not remotely interested in sex as a teenager! Honestly until I met my DP at 21, I still wasn't interested.

If you missed the horny teenager phase, what were your reasons? Let me know I'm not alone here

I first had sex aged 18 while at uni because I thought I should. I think I felt a bit socially pressured then as I knew (or believed) that nearly everyone else my age had done it. I think I easily could have waited for another year or two without doing it. I just didn't have an interest in boys or sex.

I was desperate for the first time not to be a one night stand or a fling. In the end it kind of was at the age of 21 because I got tired of waiting for the right person and the right time, so thought I might as well with a guy I was sort of friends with who I knew wouldn’t be a real relationship prospect.

I’ve never been confident and always been socially awkward, so no one was really interested in dating me in my teens. I had opportunities to go home with guys from clubs, but didn’t want it to be that way. I regret not pursuing the one almost relationship I had at 18 (he should have been my first) but I had a lot of other stuff going on at the time we dated and it never went further than snogging on a few dates before we kind of just drifted apart, which was entirely my fault.

Nobody I connected with wanted me as a GIRLFRIEND.
Luckily hook up culture wasn't as rife in the late 80s so it was obvious to me that they weren't interested in more than sex. I think later, in my 20s, young men had their patter down and despite my good start I had a few experiences in my 20s were I realised afterwards I'd been duped and I felt used. Was never after sex for the sake of it.

@cstaff, that made me laugh because I grew up in a big town, not some village, but a girl I was at school with was seeing a guy who got a bus to the next town to buy condoms but was spotted in the pharmacy by somebody who had seen him with my friend. This woman knew her mother and took it upon herself to say ''I saw geraldine's young man buying CONDOMS in Lloyd's''

I'm not Geraldine. I swear.

I waited until 19 as I wanted penetrative sex to be with someone I really liked. I'd done everything else with previous boyfriends but it just didn't feel right to take it further.

I'm glad I waited, it was the right decision for me (think I was the last of my friends to have sex ).

Because I was scared. Then at 16 we tried and it didn’t work 🙈. Then I didn’t want to try again till I was about 17, then it worked but the guy was an idiot. Then I didn’t try again till I was 28 🤣

I was a either month or so off 20 or I might have just been 20. Can’t really remember. Anyway the reason was I hadn’t been in a serious relationship in my teens. Got with then then bf when I was 19 a few months of just fooling around then dtd

No-one fancied me.

I didn’t start sex as a teenager. I was 12

I was raised with huge sex hang ups .

My DM had abuse as a child and young adult, and told me in detail when I was a teenager, which frightened me a lot and made me feel sex and showing affection and being intimate was dangerous . We were told leopard print, tattoos, glitter, belly tops, perfume etc were for girls who wanted trouble .... in retrospect she was very overprotective and scared I think .

Also catholic family with a grandmother who’d happily tell us fornication/copulation was a sin and only to be done if you wanted a child out of it .

We weren’t taught about sexual pleasure at school either , only the science of PIV intercourse and nothing else . I didn’t realise until I was about 22 that people enjoyed having sex, and didn’t find it frightening .

I’m 28 now and still never had a relationship or sex , think I probably need therapy of a sort before I’d be more open to it !

Strict religious up bringing which placed sex outside of marriage right next to murder in the order of bad things you shouldn’t do.

Made up for lost time since though 😁

Too busy going out in big mixed (boys/girls) group drinking, dancing, concerts, talking, laughing! Best Years of my life. None of us paired up. We were mates. Brilliant uncomplicated life.

I just didn't have a boyfriend until I was 20. I'm married to him now

Teenage sex seemed like a risky idea. I was the result of a teenage pregnancy, so that seemed quite a real hazard. I remember the days when HIV/ AIDs were a death sentence. I had no interest in the idea of sex for the sake of it.

I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 19.

The thought of having a boyfriend when I was school age was completely alien to me and my friends! The first out of my age group of friends to have a boyfriend was 16 and she didn’t sleep with him for a very long time. He was a year older.

It was the norm back then.

I would have done it in a shot but no one fancied me

I think I just moved in circles where it was unusual. In school, around the age of 14, the only girls who openly admitted to having sex were from a very rough area that was part of the catchment of a more middle class school so it didn’t seem to be something to aspire to.
It was also an all girls’ school so there was a strong vibe of self confidence and valuing yourself and i suppose we were actively encouraged not to give in or be pressured into sex.
In college it was still relatively rare to openly have sex. Most girls I knew were virgins (and worrying about it) and I distinctly remember one of my male friends being devastated after being pressured into losing his virginity before he was ready. There was a girl in our class who was openly flirtatious and worldly wise who seemed very fast. Another girl I knew slept with her boyfriend and we were a bit in awe of her but, we admitted to each other, not ready ourselves.
The boys we were in college with were mostly respectful and didn’t push that hard. We also shared among ourselves which ones to be careful and avoid.
I wasn’t ready until my early twenties and I was lucky enough to be in an environment where I felt confident to wait.

I definitely had a bit of a fear. I struggled to even use a tampon as a teen, so the thought of anything bigger going in there was quite scary. Between that, and the fact that I considered sex a very intimate thing that I could only do with someone I really trusted, I didn't do it til I met my first proper boyfriend in my early 20s.

Sheltered upbringing, extreme shyness and poor social skills and a dislike of being touched and of touching skin. Basically isolated myself and couldn't even tell you when I first actually had sex, sometime in early-mid 20s. Have two kids now but could really quite happily not dtd ever again.

None of my close friends had boyfriends in the teens, and we weren't the sort to go out pub/club-ing, so it just wasn't on our radar at all. I didn't even have my first boyfriend until I was 22 and then we didn't DTD until I was 25.

I didn't find boys my age attractive back then. I might have been up for it with a sexy 21 year old I guess.

I didn't meet anyone who I was serious with until I was 20.
Lots of girls at school and 6th form were having sex and one had a very quick abortion in yr11. In honesty they were choosing boys for the sake of it and people talked about other people's sex lives like they were chatting about trainers. I hated the thought that the most intimate personal experience could be fodder for the common room chats.

I did a few things prior to PIV sex with a few guys at uni but in honesty it wasn't right for me and I wanted to be with someone I trusted before I did anything more serious.

I wasn't religious or anything either

I've only ever had sex with my husband (met him at 20) and I'm happy with that.

A good friend once said that she wishes she could say the same about her and her husband, she regretted the sex she had had with numerous people in her past.
Each to their own I believe.

I didn't find boys my age attractive back then. I might have been up for it with a sexy 21 year old I guess.

I wonder if this was in my sub conscious too? At 16-18 the boys my age were not at all on my radar and older boys/men would have been far too old.
At 20 my 23 year old boyfriend didn't seem too much older than me. Hmmmm

I was 16 so national average, DH was 18 which was considered old in his circle.

I obviously don’t go around asking people when they lost their virginity because it’s completely irrelevant but the oldest I have personally heard of is 25. He made up for it by sleeping with about 50 people before he turned 30 though .

My friends were mostly all 16/17, not many lost it before the legal age. I did know of girls in my year who had lost it by 13 which I thought was crazy at the time and obviously still do.

I did do it as a teen but i didn't enjoy it. No ONS or anything, just a boyfriend i wasn't particularly attracted to.

I met DH at 20 and it finally.... slotted into place.

Also one girl in my year had a baby at 15. Gossip of the year as you can imagine.