Intellectually incompatible

[Secondsight]

I've posted before about this. I haven't had this with anyone else but I'm beginning to see a side to myself I don't like. I think my DP is far more intelligent than me and I'm beginning to feel like I have some inferiority complex rather than just accept I can't know everything. It's got to the point where its affecting the relationship. Although he thinks I am intelligent but I just think it makes me come across as stupid if for example I watch something and I don't know the names of the actors in it etc. Today he had said that he had found a dvd of a film Peter seller's was in and it wasn't good but then reemed off four titles of films he liked of his he'd watched at a young age. I'd never heard of the films and rather than just accept that I said I hadn't heard of any of them and it just made me feel inadequate. This happens alot and I just don't understand why, most people would just accept they didn't know and marvel at how clever he is!
He just says there's things I know that he doesn't and I've had much the same response on here but it doesn't make me feel any better.

Knowing films an actor has been in isn’t ‘clever’, it’s just retaining information that has been available to him. If you’ve never heard of the films then you won’t have been able to retain that information, as you never knew it in the first place! It seems like rather a strange example of his intelligence.

Knowledge is not the same as intelligence op

I have 3 degrees. The only film I know peter sellers has been in is pink panther - and I’m not even sure about that!

Is there a backstory to this?

To me, he doesn't sound especially clever or unclever, just someone who happens to have watched some films you've not? I can't imagine marvelling over my partner's cleverness for knowing something like that, nor would I think not knowing it was ignorant or stupid.

Why does it bother you so much?

Do yOu mean ‘high brow’ culturally rather than intellectual?

Btw, I have no idea who Peter Sellers is.

I don’t know who he is either, and I consider myself to be fairly intelligent.

As an example, dh and I think very differently. I am always amazed at how different differently people’s brains work. Doesn’t mean one’s cleverer than another.

I'm sure you know other things that he doesn't. Anyway don't worry about it because it's easy to convince yourself of stuff (not just you, anyone) and then you see only things that convince you that you are right - confirmational bias I think.
I know some stuff DH doesn't and vice versa.
Plus what SoyDora says.

Knowing Peter Sellers’ back catalogue does not an intellectual make, OP, but I’m assuming there’s more to it than this?

It isn't being clever or intelligent, it is just having the sort of memory that retains loads of trivia.

I have a demanding job that requires a high level of skill (and dare I say, a reasonable level of intelligence). Ask me to name half a dozen characters in EastEnders or who won the FA Cup this year and I'd be totally stumped.

Maybe you should get some counselling? It's like you're coming up with reasons to feel inferior. Who gives a monkey's about what Peter Seller has been in

And isn't it more of an age thing? Is he older than you, OP? Because Peter Sellers was enormously popular in the 60's, but I doubt anyone under the age of 35 could call to mind much of his back catalogue.

This is in your head! Maybe some counselling would help.

As PP, no idea who this actor is, and it’s not something I would bet my self esteem on.

I often impress DH with my vast knowledge of classic rock, but that’s not intelligence, just knowledgeable on a particular topic I’ve been exposed to for a long time.

If you want to feel more knowledgeable to boost your self esteem why not read and keep up to date on topics you are interested in? Then you can make conversation and feel smart

Why does this bother you so much? Are you especially competitive?

There must be 100s of things you know that he doesn't. Why would you not know exactly the same things?

I think by writing this I've kind of answered my own questions Ive been put on a pedastal
You're the best looking person I've been out with, the cleverest, the nicest the sexiest and that is alot of pressure.
That's not the whole answer and I have to take responsibility for how I feel.
I know logically not knowing things is OK as I've not had this in any other relationship.

Did he do the voice for Winnie the Pooh?

OP I do know what you mean - I can never come up with the names of actors/musicians/films etc off the top of my head and it makes me feel stupid sometimes. It's really not "stupidity" though, it's just whether you have that ability to absorb and then regurgitate information about a particular topic (like little boys absolutely fucking EVERYTHING about dinosaurs). I just can't do that.

No that was someone else entirely. I thought he was the guy from Last of the Summer Wine but turns out that's Peter Sallis and it's the voice of Wallace from Wallace and Gromit he did.

Why don’t you look at the stuff you do do? For example I can sort the washing for 5 really quickly and I know who wears what - I know the temp of each garment on which wash cycle. I can remember book days cooking swimming and PE I remember to pay for school dinners and trips.
I can’t name actors or films.

I know what you are all saying and thanks for Yr replies. I've had counselling but I think being put on a pedastal means living up to someone's expectations which is never a good thing.

So he’s telling you you’re the best looking/sexiest/nicest person he’s been out with? And that makes you insecure about your intelligence?

Yes you would think it would make you more secure but it doesn't.

My husband is a whizz at actors and movies too, and I dont know anyone's names either. I'd never say we're Intellectually incompatible though. We just know different things at different levels. Don't beat yourself up, you probably know random things he doesn't