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Original poster

Fed up with son

74 replies

ExpertPuppy · 08/09/2019 14:31

Name changed for this as could be outing

I'm at my wits end.

Son is 19 and has a 2 year old little girl and she lives with us permanently. Her mum isn't involved in her life.

He is a brilliant dad but he takes drugs and drinks alot.

He doesn't take drugs when GD is around or drink alcohol. He does it when she's in bed or when he goes out.

Advice please

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 08/09/2019 14:37

Your idea of a brilliant df is strange.
I would be giving him notice to leave and applying for guardianship of dgd.

blackcat86 · 08/09/2019 14:46

He's a shit dad. Doing drugs and drinking to excess when his 2yr old in bed is horrendous. What if she were to get up or become unwell? Why is mum not involved in her life? Call SS or contact the health visiting team to express your concerns. The fact that you've allowed this to happen under your roof is really concerning.

crazylady7 · 08/09/2019 14:51

Oh my life, you call that a brilliant dad!!?? Are you crazy?? Makes me feel sick that you'd accept that at all let alone think he is brilliant!
That is disgusting, he needs to get help and quit what he is doing. And I'd recommend never leaving that baby girl alone with him ever until he steps up !!

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 08/09/2019 14:58

Yep, he isn’t a brilliant dad at all. Poor child, with a mother who isn’t interested at all and a dad who isn’t interested in being a decent father. If you weren’t there then she would be at risk.

Wildorchidz · 08/09/2019 15:00

Call social services. Tell them she is at risk. Which she will be if you aren’t there

user1498854363 · 08/09/2019 15:04

What type of advice do you want?
Advice to get him to prioritise his dd?
Get work?
Stop the drugs and drinking?

What does he want? Is he struggling with parenting?
Child must be priority- is she?

HeadintheiClouds · 08/09/2019 15:07

I wonder what sort of upbringing your son had; if this is what you consider brilliant parenting Hmm

Original poster
ExpertPuppy · 08/09/2019 15:10

I meant he usually is a brilliant dad.

Her mum isn't involved because she wasn't ready to be a mum.

He goes to the pub and drinks or takes drugs with his friends.

She still wakes up once a night occasionally and she asks where he is.

OP posts:
annoyingelf · 08/09/2019 15:18

He's a crap dad. He needs to grow up. I'd be tempted to kick him out but then he'll probably be glad you took the decision out of his hands.

I know he's an adult but lay down the rules and come down on him hard when he breaks them.

Skittlenommer · 08/09/2019 15:18

He is a brilliant dad but he takes drugs and drinks alot

I’ve never seen such a contradictory sentence. He’s a shit father!! Waits until his child is in bed to drink and do drugs? What a winner!!

Her mum isn't involved because she wasn't ready to be a mum

Why did she continue with the pregnancy then??

Hennysmommy · 08/09/2019 15:23

He isnt a good dad! He needs to get help and your dgd needs a stable home. Seek to get guardianship of her and kick him out. Sounds like his mates, drinking and drugs are far more important than his daughter. The fact that you say you a fed up of him says alot. Poor baby waking up in the night and her dads no wear to be seen-not my description of a good dad at all. Ring SS. The baby is only 2 this can't carry on for the rest of her life.

savingshoes · 08/09/2019 15:36

If he's not subjecting his child to spending time with him when he's drunk then it's just what he chooses to do in his downtime that you are trying to get help for.
I would start by asking him why he wants to take drugs. Sometimes it's cus he's young, wants to keep in with his friends etc and other times it's to forget about some daily stresses.
Then I would suggest you ask him to contact his GP and talk to Frank.
You appear to be your grandchild's primary carer at night, this is frustrating and I would explain to him that it's hard for both of you and come to an alternative arrangement at least twice a week so you get some rest.
It's great that all the family have pulled together to ensure this little child has a loving family around her when she's so very tiny but it's a big responsibility for anyone.

Rachelover60 · 08/09/2019 15:37

He is not a good dad but he is very young to be a single dad.

Give him a good talking to and see if he cleans up his act. He might, at 19 there is room for change.

Beechview · 08/09/2019 15:44

What advice are you looking for?
Is he working?

DishingOutDone · 08/09/2019 15:45

What do you want to do OP? Get your son to clean up his act or raise the child as your own? Will her mum ever come back on the scene? Are you enabling his behaviour?

MildThing · 08/09/2019 15:45

Oh goodness OP.

So you have taken on responsibility for a child born of two teens neither of whom were ready to be parents.

He sounds like a partying 19 year old who also has fathered a child.

What was the agreement when the child came to live with you? Did you drive this rather than see her adopted? Did he beg you to help care for the child? Is there any chance of him stepping up? How do you feel about his own cut-short teenage life?

I fear you may need to accept that you will be primary responsible carer for your Dgc until he matured and settles down.

PotolBabu · 08/09/2019 15:46

Well. What if he was living on his own. And left his toddler daughter alone at home to go and do drugs. Would you be so complimentary about his parenting then?

Original poster
ExpertPuppy · 08/09/2019 15:47

She continued with the pregnancy because when she found out she was pregnant she was to far along for an abortion.

She was thinking about putting GD up for adoption but son told her not to and that he'd look after her.

I don't mind him drinking once in a while.

He might be taking drugs to stay with his friends but I'm not sure

OP posts:
Molly333 · 08/09/2019 15:52

Does mum see the lityle girl now ? Its been 2 years maybe her feelings have changed and she could help out? Is he struggling day to day ? U are a fab nan by the way

pinkyredrose · 08/09/2019 15:55

Why can't he get a place for him and his DC?

MildThing · 08/09/2019 15:57

“She was thinking about putting GD up for adoption but son told her not to and that he'd look after her. “

But he was 17 then and not really able to make that decision realistically.

What do you actually want to happen? Can you remind him of all that and say you’ll do the overnights up to 2 nights a week but not more than that?

Does he work?

Original poster
ExpertPuppy · 08/09/2019 16:08

No she doesn't see GD now. If she wanted to see GD I'm not sure if she would message son or leave it.

Yes son works a few times a week.

OP posts:
Mamabear144 · 08/09/2019 16:14

Personally i would be applying for guardianship and sending ds to go and get help. He will end up ruining gd life. Not fair on anyone in this case.

Mamabear144 · 08/09/2019 16:16

Also I respect that he is the one looking after the child but at the end of the day he has to be fit to do that. Being a single parent can be hard, I'm a young single mammy but I don't drink and have never done drugs, I also quit smoking for sake of DS so it's just about putting child first.

Livelove12 · 08/09/2019 16:24

Hang on give the boy a break...ok he shouldn't be drinking and doing drugs but he had a child so young and his life has changed and yes he should of used protection but she's here now ...I think the grandmother should have big talk with here son and tell him he needs to start changing or he will lose his daughter and be kicked out....it's hard on the grandmother also as she probably never thought she would be doing baby duties again...sometimes we have to try and not be so harsh with comments to this lady as she probably knows and feels what your saying ...it's defo a hard one as we all have different options on things and how things should be done xxx

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