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Original poster

How can I get DS to do sport.

62 replies

HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 10:55

He hates team sports, won't participate (it's too socially complicated/ASD).
He doesn't want to go running or biking (he's good at this).
He won't even go and play catch (v.good at) with his sister.
He is resistant to all forms of exercise. He won't even do his physio exercises any more.
He was is a sports club but he is too old now. He used to do martial arts but he stopped a while ago and won't go back.

I've had his teacher on to me because he hasn't completed a single PE lesson this term (his neck hurts, his ankle hurts, his knee hurts etc etc)

OP posts:
Original poster
HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 10:59

He also won't "go out to play". I have insisted that he goes out (playground), but he is currently sitting on the ground doing nothing.

OP posts:
EdnaAdaSmith · 07/09/2019 11:00

How old is he? My 12 year old son does 0lay football but in between training sessions his friends don't go outside any more, it's all changed this year because they used to play football together for endless hours on the summer holidays and light summer evenings. He wouldn't go jogging/ running because he'd feel self conscious but has surprised me by being very willing to go for long walks with me. Sometimes needs to be told not asked but no struggle.

He has a step counter which also motivates him.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 07/09/2019 11:03

Does he have a favourite hobby that might accidentally include exercise? Like pokemon go?

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Original poster
HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 11:03

Blush meant to include that. He's 9.
I'm not sure that he isn't too young for a step counter and I think he'd figure out pretty quickly that he just needs to move his arm!

OP posts:
Fatted · 07/09/2019 11:06

I was going to suggest trying to encourage him to walk more. Where we live you have to walk about a mile there and back to most things, so I focus on that for keeping my kids fit. Things like pokémon go or similar, going to the woods etc are good for getting them out and about.

dementedma · 07/09/2019 11:09

DS was like this. Just hated sports. Would occasionally kick a ball round the park with his mates but nothing else. PE at school was a nightmare. He got very overweight but you simply cannot force someone to exercise. Believe me we tried everything. He found his thing was music and is now heavily into that. He lost the weight as he grew and stretched (now 17) and has got fitter lugging musical equipment around.He still hates all sports and does none. Some people are just not into it. Once Op's DS finds some other activity he enjoys, he will feel positive and be healthier. Stop trying to force him to be sporty. It will just build resistance to exercise.

EdnaAdaSmith · 07/09/2019 11:14

Yep - ds1 actually wants to count steps so keeps it in his trouser pocket and takes it out when sitting as he's a leg jiggler obviously any child will work out the numbers go up if you shake it. If he actually wanted to use it there's no reason he'd be too young, if it's not a phone or calorie counter - you can get little pedometer gadgets that only count steps. But if it's not for him it's not for him.

I have an 8.5 year old too and I make him go on walks with ds1 and I, and he isn't allowed to give up his martial arts (to be fair he enjoys them but sometimes just doesn't want to leave the house).

In the playground I used to set the kids Parcour type challenges if nobody else is there and time them against each other.

My 8 year old has a pull up bar and a boxing sack and does press ups and sit ups if you set him challenges and count for him (recognition) - he's not a team sports type.

Take him swimming.

If they're reluctant you annoyingly have to interact more to drag them along, but at 9 that should still be possible even with ASD as long as it's not pathological demand avoidance, in which case obviously you need specialist strategies (though every child is different etc obviously etc)

lotusbell · 07/09/2019 11:14

He may find something he likes once he starts high school. My son is 12 and not very sporty. He enjoys rounders, handball and football but not enough to want to join a team and play competitively. He wasn't 'into' football like most of his peers until his last year at primary school and hated the competitiveness. Lots of name calling and abuse if you missed a shot or pass. It put him off. One good thing at primary, was that he did a lot of inter school competitions like cricket and tennis, designed to include the kids which were not on the football team or runners. Very hard to build confidence and get them included when it doesn't come naturally to them

DDIJ · 07/09/2019 11:16

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Original poster
HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 11:20

They don't have school teams at his school. I could understand a bit better if there was something he is interested in. He won't read, won't even try to draw/craft, he doesn't like listening to music and has no interest in trying to learn an instrument. Literally all he does is whine he wants the iPad but he's already had 40 mins plus 1 hour on the switch today. I'm a bit limited mobility wise at the moment so can't take him on walks but he refused to go out with DH this morning who has now fucked off on his bike in a grump for several hours

OP posts:
redredrobins · 07/09/2019 11:26

Is there a kayak/canoeing club near you? maybe a non competitive sport might be more to his liking.

EdnaAdaSmith · 07/09/2019 11:28

HysteryMystery that's difficult if your mobility is limited, because at 9 he probably thinks if you're allowed to "sit around" he should be too - when you can't "practice what you preach" it's very difficult. I must admit my kids are also motivated by the mutual motivation, in that they're proud that they're motivating me to exercise too (though I have a physical job and would rather sit down)..

That means your DH is being a real arse - why doesn't he take your DS out with him? Is he refusing because DS is too slow? He's got a real obligation to step up here and be a parent.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/09/2019 11:30

Would something like geocaching interest him?

Would he join cubs?

OhTheRoses · 07/09/2019 11:31

Why does he have to do sport/pe? I hated it and vowed when I left school nobody would ever make me hit, throw or catch another ball. Why, just why? And why is it some sort of holy grail? I always walked instead of catching the bus and am naturally an active and curious person.

Not being sporty has never held me back in any way and I am a fit and active almost 60 year old with lots of energy. DD is the same as me and also suffered humiliation at school due to being rubbish at sport.

There's far more to life.

Kokeshi123 · 07/09/2019 11:36

Sport =/= exercise. It's fine not to like sport. It's not fine to refuse exercise (broadly defined) or outdoor-time, because these things are essential to mental and physical health.

I think the two things need to be separated out here. Sure, continue to get him to try things out and maybe he will discover that he loves kayaking or whatever.

But in the meantime, I think his family needs to set out basic minimum amounts of physical activity and outdoor time, and make it clear that this is happening and is not negotiable, just like eating properly and going to bed at a reasonable time and brushing teeth are not negotiable. If he won't play catch or run around, family walks and bike rides should probably be happening. Geocaching might be a nice one too?

And if he can't have an electronic device without getting addicted to it and demanding to be on it all day, perhaps it needs to be removed from his life. Cannot think of anything more exhausting than listening to a child whining about the stupid iPad all day long.

BringMoreCoffee · 07/09/2019 11:36

Here we have puzzle books such as logic problems and sudoku, and jigsaw puzzles.

Does he tolerate cheating? My son who has ASD will waggle his arm occasionally but he knows it doesn't count really and he is very motivated by counting "proper" steps without cheating. It's called a step counter. Only steps count.

Geocaching or Pokémon go might be worth persevering with but your DH would have to walk as far as he does. Would a routine help? Bike ride Saturday, 3 geocaches Sunday?

A trampoline can get reluctant children exercising (but you have to weigh up the risks). Cricket can be a good sport for autistic children because everyone has a defined role - you're batting, bowling or fielding and you only have to think about one thing at a time.

Kokeshi123 · 07/09/2019 11:37

Not being sporty has never held me back in any way and I am a fit and active almost 60 year old with lots of energy. But her son isn't active! I hate organized sport too, but the issue here is that the kid is refusing to do any kind of exercise.

Mishappening · 07/09/2019 11:39

Sport at school is a pain in the arse for some children and can simply put them off school altogether - especially if it has a competitive element to it. God I remember how I hated it! - it did however hone up my skills of imagination trying to think of ways to get out of it!!

I think there are some brilliant suggestions in the above posts - exercise with no pressure and that do not look like exercise. Good luck with this.

Ariela · 07/09/2019 11:41

Riding is supposed to be very good for children with autism, a friend's son quite severely autistic has turned quite a corner with Riding for the Disabled and now can enter into conversation even with adults (avoided eye contact and wouldn't say anything before). Have a look for a local RDA group.

Ylvamoon · 07/09/2019 11:46

Maybe you can interest him in martial arts? Some of it is very repetitive as in learning patterns of movements, it's not a team sport. This might appeal to him. My DD does Taekwondo (not Olympic type!!), the sparring is very controlled and contact is made through punches and kicks rather than trying to get someone to the floor.
Otherwise, I suggest walking cycling going swimming as a family.
But my first thought is: Why do you want him to do sports? Are you doing anything? Children learn by copying other people, starting with the parents....

LoveGrowsWhere · 07/09/2019 11:50

A Sunday morning routine with your DH & DD eg parkrun /swim/bike ride. Make it a family activity that is none negotiable not 'sport'.

If he's good at catching get a basketball hoop on the garage?

OhTheRoses · 07/09/2019 11:52

Fishing, birdwatching, gardening, collecting conkers, scooting, music, dance.

Also if he says he has pains, maybe get them checked out. They may be real.

Kpo58 · 07/09/2019 11:52

What sort of games does he like on the switch? Maybe there is a similar game which is more active on there where you actually have to move to play the game.

Original poster
HysteryMystery · 07/09/2019 11:52

Not being sporty has never held me back in any way and I am a fit and active almost 60 year old with lots of energy.

But her son isn't active! I hate organized sport too, but the issue here is that the kid is refusing to do any kind of exercise.

Yes, exactly this. He is refusing to do anything.

We have tried kayaking. He stopped paddling after less than 5 minutes and ended up being towed. He also can't swim so that rules out most water sports.

No, no, DS isn't too slow at biking (in fact he's quite fast) although he is not as fast as DH. It's the whole getting him out to do it. DH will never get the DC ready to go out. Often then if I insist and shout/threaten then with no screen time he will refuse to take him out because he doesn't want a reluctant child whining at him. Although it's the old transition thing, once he is out he is usually happy.

But in the meantime, I think his family needs to set out basic minimum amounts of physical activity and outdoor time, and make it clear that this is happening and is not negotiable,
But it's all very well saying this, but when he still refuses to do it, what can I do? As far as I am concerned, his exercises are non negotiable. But I cannot physical force him to do them same as maths and reading He would rather sit on the sofa, quite literally doing nothing, for an afternoon than earn himself iPad time by doing his physio or going out to do some exercise.

Pokemon is not something for him. I did start to look for riding places, but the only stables nearby only give lessons if you have your own horse! I haven't looked further down the bus line though, that is something on the list to look into. It might have to wait until I can drive again.

OP posts:
Minniemagoo · 07/09/2019 11:56

My DD has ASD and finds a lot of sports off putting, she is lost in team sports because she can't follow others instructions and is left out. A lot of the individual sports are off putting because she isn't as good (athletics) or there are targets to be met (taekwon do belts). She just wants to have fun.
She does music but only because we spoke to the teacher so she no longer targets grades, just pieces she wants to learn for herself.
The exercise has to be held by us, I did the C25k with her and Dh takes her walking/on parkrun.
It is so hard to get her to start and takes a lot of fake smiling, gritting teeth and cajoling/bribery on our behalf but it has become easier. Tbh timing is everything. Letting him have his chill, electronics first then everyone getting out. It just needs to be routine/something led by you.