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Original poster

Advice please-other parents prolonging good byes

95 replies

Celb · 07/09/2019 04:36

I’m struggling to sleep. My lb started reception class Wednesday. He settled really well until yesterday when I was told he was upset because he couldn’t see me at the window. Basically all of the other parents stand at the window checking on their kids once they’re in the classroom. I think this isn’t fair on the children particularly the ones struggling to settle and have explained to him i won’t be doing it. Now they’re behaviour has unsettled my little boy. Even if you take away the fact it prolongs the good bye how would they feel all of these people staring at them through the window making it darker and more oppressive. My friend even said its a bad idea then does it. Am I being unreasonable? I mean when does it stop, then there’s another separation step for them. Should I talk to the school? Thank you. Sad for my little boy. :-(

OP posts:

NeatFreakMama · 07/09/2019 08:58

YANU that sounds unhelpful, shame the staff aren't just closing the blinds on it. They've backed you into a corner now because you sort of have to join the madness or you little one misses out, incredibly annoying and a waste of time in the morning!

ChicCroissant · 07/09/2019 09:01

if not I’ll just have to join the pack of people doing something I don’t think is right to reassure my boy xx

OP, just because you wouldn't like someone waving through the window at you doesn't mean that the same applies to your son. He wants you to wave. You are focusing on what you want, not what he wants - it is such a big change for him, just wait and wave.

Pippapotomus · 07/09/2019 09:03

You’d love my friends school, the parents are encouraged to stay in the cksssroom for the first 30/60 minutes, longer if they want to and this is through all the years.

At my school the nursery class has a staggered start, the day would officially start at 9,but the door opens at 8:30 and you turn up during that half hour, help with coats and plimsolls, then start doing a table activity that was out. It was so unsettling for DS, it dragged out the goodbye and we had tears every morning. In yr1 the teacher guards the door so only children go in and it's so much better.

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Quellium · 07/09/2019 09:06

I used to teach Reception and we had to ask parents to not come to the window after they'd said goodbye as it was upsetting the children, especially when they banged on it to tell their child something in the middle of registration.

We also got blinds.

I used to have occasional nightmares where crowds of parents were staring in at me through the window, only to look down and see I was completely naked. Classic anxiety dream.

I haven't read the rest of the thread in full, but in my experience, it's always less upsetting for the children to have a clean goodbye. As a parent I totally understand the urge to see them one last time, but I do think you need to be mindful of the effect on the children this could have, even if your child is delighted to see you.

Toddlerteaplease · 07/09/2019 09:09

My mum was a reception teacher. She'd have told the parents to stop it pretty quickly. And would have pulled the blinds down. It doesn't help the kids having parents hanging around.

Rockbird · 07/09/2019 09:24

We get kicked out for exactly this reason. The head even said that if we had to cling and cry, we should cling to the fence round the corner out of sight of the children! They don't put up with any of this nonsense. I would be emailing the school to pull them up on this. As a parent and a former TA this isn't doing the children any good, they need to get on with their day.

Having said that, if everyone else is doing it then it might be that you have to too, given that he's feeling left out. Annoying though.

Original poster

Celb · 07/09/2019 09:32

Chiccroissant you do not know my son I do. I give him all of the time in the world. I always put my sons first and I am extremely empathetic. Google seperation anxiety. I dealt with it it heavily with nursery with him. First advice make good byes short. This works. Thank you.

OP posts:

mogtheexcellent · 07/09/2019 09:33

This behaviour would be shut down at my DDs school. I believe words were also said to the parent who wailed and cried each time she dropped her DC off making the DC cry and get upset.

Speak to the school and see what they suggest.

Pud2 · 07/09/2019 09:56

You’d love my friends school, the parents are encouraged to stay in the cksssroom for the first 30/60 minutes, longer if they want to and this is through all the years.

OMG. That is just awful. Why would any school encourage that?! I can’t think of anything worth than having parents lingering in the building. Nightmare!

TeenPlusTwenties · 07/09/2019 10:20

I too would have a quick word with the teacher and say it is upsetting your son. It will give the teacher more 'power' to stop it if they can say it is unsettling some of the kids.

ps. if you haven't found it yet, there is a very helpful Primary board here on MN.

gamerwidow · 07/09/2019 10:35

Simkin · 07/09/2019 10:41

I reckon school will no this in the bud on Monday somehow and if they haven't, you should have a quick word with the teacher.

That said, parents do things differently and your son categorically will not think you love him less because you're not dragging out your goodbye. Whoever said that needs to get a grip. He will learn that other people's parents do things differently from his, which is an essential lesson really.

Pud2 · 07/09/2019 10:52

This is all about the parents’ needs and not the child’s needs. I’m with you OP.

Original poster

Celb · 07/09/2019 10:53

Thank you tweenplustwenties

OP posts:

Original poster

Celb · 07/09/2019 10:53

Thank you gamerwidow

OP posts:

Welllllsy · 07/09/2019 11:08

I teach reception and this would drive me up the wall! I'd give it a week and if the parents are still waving through the window I'd speak to the class teacher.

ChicCroissant · 07/09/2019 11:09

You said it was something you didn't think was right, OP. That's why I said it. Who told you he was upset because he didn't see you at the window?

Original poster

Celb · 07/09/2019 11:29

Chiccroissant no I don’t think it is right for any child including my son

OP posts:

EmilyStar · 07/09/2019 11:52

You’d love my friends school, the parents are encouraged to stay in the cksssroom for the first 30/60 minutes, longer if they want to and this is through all the years.

I’ve got a friend who really would love this. She asked her DC’s school if she could do this, and she was really cross about it when they said no.
I imagine most classrooms, there’d barely be room to move if each pupil had a parent in there too.

imamearcat · 07/09/2019 11:56

My DD has just started reception as well. It's a tough time! Some parents hang around by the gate at our school but I just leave. I agree I think it's just easier that way. I don't think you can really control what other people do though, either stay yourself or your kid is just gonna have to deal with it unfortunately.

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