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Original poster

Advice please-other parents prolonging good byes

95 replies

Celb · 07/09/2019 04:36

I’m struggling to sleep. My lb started reception class Wednesday. He settled really well until yesterday when I was told he was upset because he couldn’t see me at the window. Basically all of the other parents stand at the window checking on their kids once they’re in the classroom. I think this isn’t fair on the children particularly the ones struggling to settle and have explained to him i won’t be doing it. Now they’re behaviour has unsettled my little boy. Even if you take away the fact it prolongs the good bye how would they feel all of these people staring at them through the window making it darker and more oppressive. My friend even said its a bad idea then does it. Am I being unreasonable? I mean when does it stop, then there’s another separation step for them. Should I talk to the school? Thank you. Sad for my little boy. :-(

OP posts:
autumnboys · 07/09/2019 07:03

I would wait it out for a bit, OP. I think the teacher will tackle this soon enough and close the blinds in the mornings. In the meantime, I would try a quick wave and smile st the window if you can. I would think it’s possible that lots of parents have had a few days off to settle their child in and may soon be needing to shoot off to work, or even someone else will do drop off.

The oldest of my three has just gone into year 11. The things I have found difficult have rarely lasted for long and as they get older, situations like this can give you an opportunity to talk to your child about some families have different routines/traditions to yours.

I hope your little one had a good first few days and that this situation resolves itself soon.

Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:03

Thank you highlandcoo. Sound advice.

OP posts:
heartshapedknob · 07/09/2019 07:04

Our school has the blinds pulled because parents generally were being daft.

You’ve literally just said a proper goodbye to your child, it’s better for them to get used to going in and settling down to start the day, rather than waiting for you to appear at the window. He’ll get used to it OP, it’s only the first week and it’s a big change for him. You’re not doing anything wrong.

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Gizlotsmum · 07/09/2019 07:05

Oh OP. It's hard. Could you maybe explain the reason you don't stay (because he has settled so well and is doing such a good job of being a big boy). Parents can wave from the window if they want. I personally didn't have the time too (and still don't). It hasn't harmed my children who are both loving and kind (as other people have said) and age suitably independant. Part of me would love to have been able to watch but I know it would have made my daughter more unsettled, my son was always immediately absorbed by what was happening in the classroom and wouldn't have noticed either way. They also understand that I can't make every school event although I do my best to make as many as I can.

cardamoncoffee · 07/09/2019 07:06

Yes a quick wave and a kiss blown will be reassuring when he sees all of the other parents there and not you. Try not to worry OP, this really is not a matter to be losing a full nights sleep.
My dsis is a secondary school teacher and is lamenting about some Y7 pupils' mothers bringing them into their form class by the hand and insisting on "settling" them in. It goes against child protection policy and some of them then use the school bathrooms. I can only assume that these are the parents who stood calling through the reception windows long after the bell had rung.

Toffeecakes · 07/09/2019 07:13

If the blinds are up and you walk past anyway then I’d wave and blow a kiss as I was going past. Actually this is what I do. At DS’s school there are glass doors at the back of the room and a lot of the parents stand there for ages, you have to walk past them so it’s unavoidable but some parents go over the top and set the kids off crying. The teachers discourage it. Do you acknowledge him at all?

ooooohbetty · 07/09/2019 07:20

Yanbu. It's not necessary to wave through a window once you've said goodbye to your child going into school. I too am surprised the school hasn't stopped it. The parents that do it obviously don't have to rush off to work.

Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:23

Thank you autumnboys

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Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:24

Thank you heartshapedknob

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Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:26

Gizlotsmum thank you. Yes I have explained to him he is brilliant and that we say our good bye at the gate.

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Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:28

Thank you cardamomcoffee. I’m going to check if the school are going to stop it, if not I’ll just have to join the pack of people doing something I don’t think is right to reassure my boy xx

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Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:30

Toffeecakes I say goodbye and hug and kiss him at the gate. I don’t tackle my way through the literal wall of parents at the window.

OP posts:
diddl · 07/09/2019 07:35

I totally get what you are saying, Op.

So there's 20+ adults all trying to wave through one window at the same time?

Well I'm a shortarse so other than pushing through would have to be giving it a miss.

If it was 2or3 at a time giving a quick wave & moving on that would be a bit different.

I wonder when/how they all decide to leave?

StandUpStraight · 07/09/2019 07:35

Oh God, I remember them doing this at DD1’s school. It drove me mad. It was so unhelpful for the poor kids, who would have been much better off with a kiss and a cuddle at the door, and a quick wave on the way past the window. It’s selfish, because it’s about the parents’ needs, not those of the children. And even if you believe it is necessary for your child, you have to be pretty self-obsessed not to see that it’s disruptive for the others, and find another way to deal with the situation. I would have a word with the teacher. Chances are they are on the verge of sending around a diplomatically worded email soon anyway, as it doesn’t make their jobs any easier.

Clutterfreeintraining · 07/09/2019 07:37

This happens at one of the reception classes at the school I drop off at. It blocks the path to get in and out of school and makes it so difficult for those of us with buggies to go to the next class to drop off/get out!! The reception teacher will have pulled the blinds down by next week.
Same happens in the afternoons, parents tapping the window from 15 minutes before school finishes so they can get their child's attention. Blinds will start being down then too.

GrouchoMrx · 07/09/2019 07:39

all of these people staring at them through the window making it darker and more oppressive.
melodramatic Grin

Dementornator · 07/09/2019 07:42

Dc school won’t let the parents into the class, which I think is best for the kids. We line up and leave them at the door. They go in, blinds are shut, and that’s it. Quick, easy and no fuss. The most definitely wouldn’t be happy with parents standing at the window.

namechange865 · 07/09/2019 07:43

You're being a little bit sensitive, but I'm trying to remind myself that I was a bit like that with my firstborn too. So, what I would do is invent some other kind of little private goodbye ritual, that doesn't involve you waiting at the window. I'm thinking masonic handshake Grin. Like a special kind of hug/kiss/word/whatever that becomes your 'sign off' for the day. So he feels you're doing something special just for him, which just happens to be different from what the others do. Then if it does work and the other mums see how chilled you both are about walking away, perhaps it might encourage them to realise they're being a bit ridiculous!!

SoyDora · 07/09/2019 07:43

I get up OP.
We are asked to leave the playground as soon as the children go inside at our school for precisely this reason. If a child is struggling to settle it usually makes things harder rather than easier. A
Plus 30+ parents hanging round the classroom windows is a pain in the arse!

NewNameIsNew · 07/09/2019 07:48

Our school makes parents drop the kids at a different door slightly away from the classrooms then they walk them through to stop this. It isn't good for the kids imo as not everyone can do it (space if nothing else) and it's just dragging everything out.

Apparently my grandma got told off for it years ago. I figured out she always peeled back in so I'd cry hoping she would take me home. They figured it out quickly because I never cried if my mum dropped me because I didn't have an audience Grin

Sewbean · 07/09/2019 07:49

This would annoy me too.

We used to have parents standing in the line with their kids after the bell had rung, walking them by hand to the classroom door and having a special word with the teacher about their special child, every single day.

My lo was fairly independent and liked lining up by himself but often couldn't tell where the line actually was because of the crowds of parents in and around it.

After the Christmas holidays a line had appeared painted on the ground and parents were not allowed to cross the line. The kids lined up one side, the parents had to stay at the other. Many parents were very unhappy.

Your school will hopefully tire of this op and take some steps to stop it.

Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:49

Grouchomrx I’ll get people to stand and leer at you at you at your window see if you like it

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Original poster
Celb · 07/09/2019 07:51

Namechange865 thank you, amazing idea!

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YouJustDoYou · 07/09/2019 07:54

The school should be closing the blinds. You can't control what the other parents are doing, but the teacher can - speak to the teacher about your concerns.

Louloubelle78 · 07/09/2019 08:03

As you are focusing on your child. What you probably don't see is the children getting upset with parents lingering. How bloody annoying for the teacher putting up with crowds of parents outside the room. Prolonging the goodbye doesn't help children. When my son was little I had 6 mins to catch a train so no time for standing about waving. Don't feel you have to follow the crowd to be a good parent. Do it your way! There again I am not a 'playgroumd mum', my son has special needs so I have been instantly frozen out of any friendship groups. However, I really couldn't care a less and neither should you, stick to your guns on what is right for your child.