Name changed as outing.
DPs grandad became unwell earlier this year and has not returned to full health. He now needs support for lots of tasks of daily living but remains largely independent.
MIL helps him with what is too much for him. This includes cleaning, most laundry, batch cooking, shopping, paying bills/ making large purchases. He needs support at least twice a week, which is the most MIL can commit to.
He doesn't want a cleaner or carers. MIL begrudgingly supports him but has her own needs. Early next year PIL are going on a once in a lifetime extended holiday. PIL have asked that we (DH actually but it affects us all) and DSIL to take over the support. DH has said no. DSIL has said she'll do some but lives 2+ hours away and travels extensively for work, often at short notice.
We live 2+ hours away, have 2 small children and both work full time. We only have 1 car.
I've suggested that we sit down with PIL & SIL to come up with a plan to explain to grandad that between now and then he will need to find alternative support, as whilst we will do some support (online shop for example) we (us and SIL) won't be able to visit more than once a fortnight.
Does this seem really mean? MIL has said many times she cannot continue to provide the support she does due to her health needs and all other family is at distance. For us to provide additional support it would involve a 5hour round trip, or DH (or me) taking the car and going alone.
We are happy to phone daily, do online shops, visit fortnightly but cannot commit to more.
Grandad has money, has capacity and does not need to or want to go in a home. He knows he needs some support but doesn't want to face it. We feel that by doing it in advance of the trip he can make an informed decision about living with minimal support or getting paid help, and we have time should he want the paid help to help him find people he trusts and does a good job.
Are we being awful? Wwyd?