I fucking can't stand being a mum

[bringonthejam]

I'm fed up. DC is testing me so much and I just want to sit in a dark room and sob.

But I can't do that. I can't even sit without having to get up and stop DC from doing stupid shit, despite 'baby proofing' the house.

It's joyless and I feel like I've lost my soul.

I'd never be without DC and my love is so so strong, I'd die for DC. But I don't enjoy parenthood and I'm fucking fed up. It's boring and relentless. But unfortunately not the type of boring where you sit and do nothing. The type of boring where you're forced to do mundane and annoying tasks until the little dictator goes to sleep.

I've always quite liked parenthood until now - I found it very breezy. Then 18 months hit. I want to leave and never return Syaft a new life. But I wouldn't because I just love DC too much. And annoyingly, something within me makes me put their absolute everything before myself (not in an unhealthy way, I take care of me too).

I often wish I never became a Mum. Is this normal?

I can't see why anyone would choose to do this again. I would happily abort a surprise pregnancy, no questions asked.

I wouldn't worry, I'm pretty sure a lot of parents feel like this from time to time. 18months is hard work as they are constantly on the go and getting in to everything. It will pass though and you'll love having them around and they'll hit another age and you'll feel like it again and so on but you get through them and you realise you wouldn't change it for the world. Take each day as it comes, try to make time for yourself and think of all the positives. Speak to your gp if you really struggle but you can do this ❤️

Sparkly it's been like it since 18 months, almost 2 now

Oh you are not the first to think or even write this on here! There is an entire thread in classics devoted to this very topic!

It's completely normal as parenting is really hard and repetitive and mundane and also lovely and great. It's the worst mix of feelings ever.

How old are your DC? I really struggled when my DS was 7 months, came on here and posted something similar and the mumsnetters were amazing. Made me feel normal again, told me it will be alright. They were right and it was alright.

Many years later and parenting can sometimes be annoying when DS repeats himself and talks continually, but generally life is good, and I feel I have this patented thing sorted a little bit more.

This won't last forever. You've just got to get through it. My ds2 went to nursery at 21 months - not because I was fed up but so that I could go to uni. There are options..

That's the thing, I use to feel like I had this parenting thing nailed. But that all changed when he hit 18 months.

I feel absolute dread at the potty training stage 🙄

I just feel like I can. Not. Be. Bothered. Anymore.

Single DS is off to nursery in a week - I'm off to Uni too

Bloody dreading juggling meeting his demands and juggling a very demanding course. I don't have much support so it's all on me and I just despair at it all sometimes

Sorry 😕 but everything else is still true though, it comes and goes but you will get through it

Toddlers are crap! Thank god they grow up!

This too shall pass.
I found being a parent of a baby completely boring and tedious. But I had wanted a child and that didn’t stop me from having another when my eldest was 20 months. I just felt it was like this for a few months then they’d stop breastfeeding/get potty trained/start talking... then it becomes better and more engaging. But you’ll still feel like mother = slave most of the time!
You are at that really tricky stage of your child being mobile and curious without knowing the dangers. I remember thinking I’ll never again be able to make a cup of tea then actually be able to drink it!
Now I’ve got two independent teens and that brings a whole new set of terrors but also (like any phase) a new set of joy.

Yep I have felt like that too, but it won't last forever. When they are at school all day you will get a break.

18 months is sooo annoying as they are demanding and completely unaware of the dangers of things, hot things, ledges, glass etc so you have to always think one step ahead. And they dont always sleep through and they are fussy with what they want to eat.

But.....six years olds (for example) are much more chilled, they go to school, communicate what they want, tell you they "love you soooo much" and you can take them to Nando's and they will sit and colour in and you can tell them to shush and not interrupt if they do, so you can have a conversation! They eat their food and then when you get home you say go and brush your teeth and get your pajamas on, that is not as hard as an 18 month old is it??

Little ones are sooo hard, but they grow up and need you less and less and then they move out

I agree in that it can be the most mundane, relentless, exhausting and boring job ever.
I'm not cut out for being a SAHP (get the impression from your post that you currently are), so I sympathise if all day every day is purely focused on your kids. I found maternity leave such a slog because babies are hard work. Going back to work saved my sanity. I'm due number 2 next month and I'm already dreading the relentlessness of it and I'm sure I'll count down until I go back to work again!

I enjoy my DC so much more now I have more balance, it's a joy (mostly) to spend time with them rather than a chore.

Don't feel bad, it's all peaks and troughs. I found baby stage really easy. Then the goal posts move. I understand people who used to tell me works a break

I k or hoe you feel. For me it was a bit later. Pure joy until age two. Since then it’s been horrible. I hate it. Not sure when it will get better again.

My daughter is about to turn 4 and I’ve only just stopped hating being a mum.

18m, a truly hideous phase for my two.

I found that by 3, they'd mostly pulled themselves together and life was better again.

I did at one point genuinely think I was never going to leave the house again as eldest dc's behaviour was so awful.

Being a uni with a demanding course will be better than being at home with demanding DS. He'll be knackered after nursery which should be busy and fun. Boredom often breeds bad behaviour in my house.

The toddler years were what put me off having a fourth child OP.

They can be difficult and tedious. I had really difficult toddlers too - into everything, tantrums all over the place. I used to look in awe at parents whose toddlers would sit at the table /hold hands nicely /not climb on the window sills /not start pressing all the buttons on the TV/stereo etc.

It does pass though. Mine grew up into good kids.

OP, I have never felt as lonely, miserable, depressed and bored as I did when my first DC was aged between 18 months and 2.5 years. (Obviously I loved him with all my heart too, like you do).

It's normal.

It passes.

"This too shall soon pass" and "this years problems won't be next years problems" are sayings I've picked up from Mumsnet over the years - and they are great saying to live by.

In fact, that is exactly why and when I joined Mumsnet! Back in 2006 under a different username.

I don't hate being a mum but I do quite often find myself secretly wishing my two would fuck off and leave me in peace I'm tired and we've had a busy day, and instead of lying down with a glass of wine watching an interesting film, I'm watching fucking Bing, listening to DC1 whitter on inanely and pushing DC2 off me as he climbs all over me shoving his arse in my face. Life with small kids is a hard bloody slog.

You are doing very well and when I went to College then Uni at age 38, I just loved life, it was the best thing I ever did! You’ll find that although you are busier and juggling stuff with your little one, life is so much more rewarding, and lots of women feel like not enjoying parenthood, usually around the 2 years mark, you are not alone in feeling that way. Hugs xx

I have a 7year old and 18mo. The 7 year old is a sassy diva but she is a dream compared to the 18mo! I can confirm it does get easier. Once all the stages like potty training etc is out the way it gets much easier

Are you a stay at home mum? I felt like this so I went to college. Now I’m at uni. I would rather shoot myself than be a stay at home mum again.

Every parent has these moods and favourite ages and ages they’d rather forget. For me, I loved newborn to 5/6. 6-8 was hell on Earth.
He’s 9 now and to be honest I don’t even know what to do with him, it’s like I’ve forgotten how to be a mum. I’m hoping to head into happier years if he ever goes to school and I get that well needed break.

I feel similarly at the moment, except my twins have ASD and are stuck developmentally in most areas between 12 and 18 months, but getting more demanding and more physically able without being able to communicate what they want. And my health is in the toilet and I can barely function.

I can’t imagine life without them but I frequently think back to the easy life I had before all this. And at the moment I have no expectation of things getting any easier. I never admit even to myself that I feel this way, but I do.

You are not alone.