I fucking can't stand being a mum

[bringonthejam]

I'm fed up. DC is testing me so much and I just want to sit in a dark room and sob.

But I can't do that. I can't even sit without having to get up and stop DC from doing stupid shit, despite 'baby proofing' the house.

It's joyless and I feel like I've lost my soul.

I'd never be without DC and my love is so so strong, I'd die for DC. But I don't enjoy parenthood and I'm fucking fed up. It's boring and relentless. But unfortunately not the type of boring where you sit and do nothing. The type of boring where you're forced to do mundane and annoying tasks until the little dictator goes to sleep.

I've always quite liked parenthood until now - I found it very breezy. Then 18 months hit. I want to leave and never return Syaft a new life. But I wouldn't because I just love DC too much. And annoyingly, something within me makes me put their absolute everything before myself (not in an unhealthy way, I take care of me too).

I often wish I never became a Mum. Is this normal?

I can't see why anyone would choose to do this again. I would happily abort a surprise pregnancy, no questions asked.

I hated most of their small childhood as I was sinking under anxiety or dealing with crazy moodiness ... by 4 DD was amazing ... took a bit longer for DS - now is literally rip the insides out of anyone who dared hurt my children i love their craziness, cuteness, wonderfully bonkers things they say and do ... it WILL get better, I promise

@bringonthejam I could write your exact post. Same timeline as well. Found birth to 18 months relatively easy and from there on has been a monotonous hell.

DC is 2.5 now. I've noticed a slight improvement in the last 3 weeks because speech has suddenly massively improved so tantrums are marginally better and less frequent.

It's still a long old slog though. Day after day of trying to get washing/washing up/hoovering/meals cooked all whilst entertaining or stopping the toddler doing stupid shit. And no amount of baby proofing works when they can open all the doors in the house and you've run out of room to put things where they can't reach them.

Do you get time away from DC? And I mean proper time. Not 5 minutes in the shower while they have a nap.

I get one full day a week when I'm not working and DC is at nursery. It's saved my sanity. I plan my week so that I can spend that whole day doing nothing and in silence if I'm feeling really wiped out.

for you and all the other parents in the same boat!

I webt to uni at this stage with my son. Best thing i ever did, my son thrived after a couple of weeks and i thrived being an adult again . Time spent with the kids was happy time and 12 years on still is . Happy mum = Happy children

When I started reading this, I just knew your child would be a little 'un
I'm with you, it's mundane as fuck when they're wee, but hang on in there as it does eventually get easier.
Give me a teen over a toddler any day of the week.

Been there. DC incl DTs now 9, 6, 4, 4. Utterly glorious.
Hang on in there.
It's worth it with bells on
Life is so rich and so much fun now
If only I could go back to my traumatised, exhausted trying to breastfeed twins while changing a nappy and buying DD her uniform version of myself and tell her.

The best bit is yet to come 😊xxx

I don't know why so many women are desperate to have children. It's got to be the longest hardest slog of a job ever.

@BeverlyGoldbergsHairAndJumpers

Toddlers are absolute fucking bastards.
Most of them don’t even look cute.

Lol lol lol

Yep I feel you, mine are 5, 7 and 9 and while I love them most of the time I feel trapped and angry and like I’m being constantly emotionally abused by kids telling me they hate me!

On the flip side when they are wonderful they are wonderful and sodding emotions mean I adore them and can’t just walk into a lovely peaceful life. Which actually would probably be really lonely and dull and meaningless without them.

Saving grace is the 9yo while still challenging in ways is way past the screaming heebies phase which is what winds me up. We laugh together and she’s cool. So I’m predicting in 4 years when the 5yo gets there the wonderful bits will have taken over and made it all worthwhile.

Until then then let the I love you mummy’s and tiny person cuddles carry you through as they do me!

Oh my god.
I could of wrote your op except I’ve hated it from about day 4. She’s 2!
I love her so much. I do give my absolute everything to it and she’s a bright, funny, happy little girl. But I’m at a loss at people who do it again .... or more!!
(My husband is absolutely fucking shit so maybe it’s that.)
No advise, obviously. Just wanted you to know your not the only one!

The 18 months betwern 18m-3 is hard. There is a reason there called the terriblye twos. But remember it's hard for baby too,. Go easy on yourself. I found going out to groups helped. But I get the baby proofing thing. You think you covered everthing and they find something you missed or learn a a way round it.

I felt sooooooo horribly overwhelmed by the tediousness of it all. And still I had another!
I thought that it was like being a Neanderthal on a loop. Every day just about poo and eating and getting dressed/ undressed. Survival. None of the fun bits.
I remember thinking I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t even do nothing!
But it changes.
Think Of it like saving, it’s really dull now, no spending, no treats, but the lump sum you are investing in will be priceless!

I must have felt this very strongly on at least a bi-weekly basis until DD was 4/5. She turned 5 a few months ago and it's getting so much better. The three of us played a board game this evening and it was really fun!

Could never ever imagine having a second and going through it all again though. Ever.

All this 'remember it's hard for him too' doesn't seem to ring true. He's not an actual tantrum child and never seems to get frustrated!

He's constantly smiling, whilst making my life a living hell

He's also very lucky he's good looking, I could not love him if he was not.

That is the WORST age!! I hated it! Toddler groups are good now! Other mum's who know how you feel, a bit of time out and different toys ect! Nothing fancy, a church hall does the job at that age I think! And lots of sleep for them if they'll take it.
Sometime after 2 it gets so.much better. My DS is nearly three and last 6 months or so I have enjoyed him so much! Wine and rest and time away for you! Good luck!

It gets better by 3

I've got a 2.3 year old and a new baby and sometimes I take it one minute at a time, let alone one day. DS isn't talking as he should be and it's very hard and frustrating. On top of that I'm trying to feed a baby and play with toys with my other hand. I'm mostly looking forward to when DS can speak properly, but the days spent helping him and repeating everything back to him correctly are driving me mad. And I'm up every hour of the night with the baby.
I completely sympathise. We had a blissful time until I went back to work when DS was 1. Then I felt all the worry creeping in, about his walking, eating, talking, nursery illnesses etc. Relieved that I'm now on mat leave again but it's a totally different experience to the first obviously. I feel like I'm shoving poor DD into a pram and carting her places she doesn't want to go to, with DS.
DS is also a very nervous toddler which is a whole other post, but a huge worry.
Love them both with my entire self, but sometimes wish they were 5 and 7...!

Definitely not alone in how you feel. I loved the baby stage, but the toddler stage has been soul destroying. It feels like we've never really left the toddler stage though as older DC (5yo) has ASD and has a similar level of emotional/behavioural development to DC2 (2yo) so it's like having an increasingly big, strong and violent toddler sometimes. I am so relieved to be at the end of the summer holidays so I can get a bit of headspace when the DC1 goes back to school (and escape the social media posts about how everyone else is enjoying all the extra time with their DC)

Toddlers are incredibly hard work but it does get better. You get good anx bad years, and the teenage years will not necessarily be horrendous. My DDs were easy toddlers, hard at 4/6/9 and easy teenagers. I also think going on your course and having your DS know nursery will help because you will get a break and some adult time.

Above all don't beat yourself up about this. We've all been there.

18 month olds are little bastards!! It will pass! I have a 13 year old who is so lovely and a 20 month old who is a little shit! He needs to be constantly entertained and it's bloody draining! The only thing keeping me going is that he will soon stop pressing every button he sees, climbing on everything he can climb on and will stop pooing as soon as I've changed his nappy

My daughter was 14 months when I went back to uni and honestly was too tired after nursery to misbehave! Things will look up, keep going! You're doing a great job! Just keep him alive and give cuddles when you can, I think that is the whole point of being a mum of an 18 month old!