Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Does anyone else think your forties and fifties are difficult ages?

71 replies

gandalf456 · 30/08/2019 10:48

I've got a couple of friends approaching 50 and didn't want to do anything to celebrate as the didn't enjoy their forties so weren't looking forward to their fifties.

While it's a depressing notion, I am in my late 40s and definitely found my 40s hard - eldery parents, bereavement, minor ailments, friends with not so minor ailments, teenagers and still not quite having the freedom I was looking forward to

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 10:55

The concept of "not enjoying" a bloody decade is alien to me...it's such a bizarre thing to say unless you're suffering from depression or a serious illness.

Are they?

I am in my late 40s and enjoying the fact that my confidence is better than ever...my children whilst not exactly grown up (11 and 15) are at least more able to look after themselves and help at home.

Why would having one bad decade mean you don't look forward to the next? Life changes hour by hour...one minute can mean everything is different....

Sarahlou63 · 30/08/2019 10:56

This was me on my 50th! Six years ago today Grin Not keen on the creases that are appearing on my knees and the occasional twinge from my joints but I'm fitter now than I was 30 years ago.

HennyPennyHorror · 30/08/2019 10:59

Fair do's Sarah you look WAY younger!

metalkprettyoneday · 30/08/2019 11:01

No. I’d say 40’s are my most enjoyable yet. Though mine won’t be a teenager until U’m in my 50’s. Of course if you’ve suffered illnesses and bereavements that would make it difficult. Everyone is different , I don’t think it’s an age thing.

WanderingMind · 30/08/2019 11:06

I'm enjoying my early 50s. No money worries, an active social life, no need to work, it's bliss. Ok I'm carrying a few pounds extra but I'm working on that, so life is good and everything to look forward to. Grin

Egghead68 · 30/08/2019 11:07

Statistically I think they are when we are least happy.

I find the health problems that come to some of us with age, plus fears about parental health and age discrimination in the workplace all impact my enjoyment of life. I have a feeling, at 50, of winding down now. It’s also hard to get excited about much because we have been there and done that. On the plus side the financial stability is good, for those that have it.

Megan2018 · 30/08/2019 11:13

I’m just in my 40’s and feeling better than ever, first baby due any day and feeling very content with life!
Every decade has had its good bits and less good bits but I can’t imagine writing off a decade!

Ilikewinter · 30/08/2019 11:13

Im 43, so far so good! I am aware though that my parents are nearing mid 60s and thinking about retirment, that makes me worried as its dawned on me that they are heading towards old age, MIL has had a stroke and that hits home about my own aging parents.

On a personal level though I am healthy and enjoy work (most of the time) and no longer feel the need to 'prove myself', take me or leave me i dont really mind 🤪, im as financially stable as I could be and am lucky to spend a lot of time travelling....fingers crossed it says that way

HandsOffMyRights · 30/08/2019 11:20

I'm 46 and not enjoying it as much as I should be, mainly because of work stress though.

I think I could cope with it more when I was younger, but juggling teens, ageing family members, work and homes feels harder than 5 years ago.

TemporaryPermanent · 30/08/2019 11:21

In strict terms of what happened, my 40s were the hardest decade ever including people close to me being ill and then dying. But I just felt I had so much more to offer them, so much more maturity and emotional resources (all relative - sometimes it knocked me for six, sometimes I failed them hugely).

I much, much prefer being in my 50s now to being in my 20s when life seemed utterly bleak despite being in objective terms pretty easy, and in my 30s, first when I thought I would never have children and then the baby/small child years which are tough let's face it! I also like that the people around me are more settled - it's easier to keep in touch with friends when they don't move every six bloody months.

RosaWaiting · 30/08/2019 11:24

never keen to lump things into age groups really

my 20s - I was ill a lot

my 30s - better but overworked, some health issues, parents had major health issues

I'm 43. So far, apart from dad's illness and death, it's been brilliant and the sense of not giving a fuck about what society thinks and just cracking on is great. Also, better boundaries about work and how to keep sticking to them. Also better at telling what actually needs doing at work, if that makes sense, sometimes I've worked hard on things without realising they were fluff or filler or whatever.

bit of a cushion of fuck off money.

so definitely better. I think my health probably skewed my 20s a lot though.

PeriComoToes · 30/08/2019 11:26

One word. Perimenopause.

angemorange · 30/08/2019 11:26

I think you become much more aware of your own mortality when you reach your 40's and 50's as there's less time in front than behind!

Add in loss of parents/friends and the general ageing process and it can all seem a bit bleak.

I'm 47 and I think my 40's have been a mixed bag - childcare is easier and work is more settled but I definitely feel the 'middle aged orphan' loss and I also worry more.

angemorange · 30/08/2019 11:27

I hear ya Peri! It's the pits.

Soola · 30/08/2019 11:30

I’m 53. Yes I would like to be younger in some ways but I do what I like, enjoy being with my husband when we are on our own but also love spending time our adult children and recent addition of a grandchild.

I had one health scare but other than that I’ve maintained my figure and looks and my husband is fit and well and we are probably at our happiest point in our lives.

I would say though that having good physical and mental health is important at any decade but the physical side more important as you get older as it takes longer to recover.

Eat well, be active and have fun.

haverhill · 30/08/2019 11:34

It’s been my hardest decade emotionally due to ill parents but I feel I now have the maturity and perspective to handle it better.
than I would have earlier.

daisypond · 30/08/2019 11:40

Dh and I are in our 50s. I think it’s the hardest. Redundancy and difficulties getting a new job is rife. Being forced to retrain in your late 50s. I know people starting teacher training in their late 50s. Money worries. Pension worries. Feeling more tired with a 12-hour day including the commute. Getting seriously ill. Friends our age dying. Very elderly parents. Teenage and young adult children struggling with their own lives and pressures. Everything matters more or has consequences.

GreenwoodLane · 30/08/2019 11:47

48

It started off hard with a toddler with undiagnosed sen. The last few years have been a lot better. I’m more confident I’ve changed careers and can see the way forward. I seem to have found a wellbeing in my head. I think I’m happier than I’ve been in my life.

EvilEdna1 · 30/08/2019 11:51

My parents died while I was in my 30s with small children ...that was proper shit. In my 40s I have seen three kids start secondary school, started a new job, started menopause early (bit shit) and changed my appearance. I think its all about making changes so you don't get in a rut. Also seeing the upsides, it crap my parents died early but I don't now have to factor them in to my life.

Goatrider · 30/08/2019 11:54

HennyPennyHorror I agree with you - I don't lump together every 10 years and try to define or rate it.

Obviously there is the perimenopause/menopause to contend with, for most women this starts late 40s or early 50s and this can have a big impact on how this time of life is viewed.

I always view it as a privilege to get older and at this age I am very likely the envy of my future self.

motorcyclenumptiness · 30/08/2019 12:01

fears about parental health and age discrimination in the workplace
This. At 40 I owned my own home, earned decent money in a job where I got to use my degrees, ran my first marathon. My dad's death, having to support (financially, emotionally, practically) my mother, and a jobs market where women become invisible at 30 have broken me. At nearly 50, I need to rebuild my life from scratch, but I don't have the money and there isn't the time.

BirthdayCakes · 30/08/2019 12:06

I always think that people in their 50s look like they're having the most fun!

MedalMedalMedal · 30/08/2019 12:22

I’m 54 and although some nice things have happened I have found much of my 50s tricky and particularly this last year, month on month there has been something big. I definitely don’t recognise the amazing feeling of it all coming together that I keep hearing about.

I often feel very on edge waiting for the next bombshell to materialise. Much of this has centred around family things that have had an awful effect on me (and I’m usually pretty hard wearing). Maybe next year..🤞

Yabbers · 30/08/2019 12:22

I’m generally enjoying my age, but the bits of me starting to fail are really getting me down.

ShippingNews · 30/08/2019 12:22

My 40's and early 50's were the worst. Both my parents died, with Mum having dementia for the previous five years. Then just before she died I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and endured some awful treatments over months before I recovered. During that time I realised that my husband was not supporting me at all - I knew that I didn't want to be married to him.

I left when I was 53 and it was the beginning of good times for me. My children had both moved on, so they were able to accept the changes really well and they were super supportive. I've since met and married my DH, and I've become a grandmother so things are pretty wonderful now at 60.