Does anyone else think your forties and fifties are difficult ages?

[gandalf456]

I've got a couple of friends approaching 50 and didn't want to do anything to celebrate as the didn't enjoy their forties so weren't looking forward to their fifties.

While it's a depressing notion, I am in my late 40s and definitely found my 40s hard - eldery parents, bereavement, minor ailments, friends with not so minor ailments, teenagers and still not quite having the freedom I was looking forward to

I’m 61 and it’s bloody great.

To ensure happy 50s 60s etc, get counselling now to deal with any issues, learn mindfulness, take up yoga and belly dance. Go forward. Be glorious.

"To ensure happy 50s 60s"

always a bit stunned when people say you can "ensure" anything!

They can be yes, particularly if you are in the sandwich generation dealing with kids and elderly parents.

Then you might have your own ill-health, or debilitating menopause to deal with. When I turned 40 I got an ovarian cyst as was diagnosed with widespread endometriosis. Happy 40s!

Depends on your circumstances really. I feel more chilled out and content as a person and confident in myself than I was in my 30s. in spite of the endometriosis and that I could lose some weight generally my health is good. I enjoy the children much more now they are older and I have found a job I really like.

I'm 50 this year so can only comment on 40's but my 40's has actually been the best 10 years of my life! Yeah some bad things happened but overall it was a great decade. My kids were basically grown up (they were 21 and 19 when I hit 40). I was finally earning decent money and started to travel a lot. No elderly parents to look after, never will have, so that's not a consideration for me. I'm actually better placed at 49 going into 50, than I was at 39 going into 40 so expect my 50's to be even better. Especially as I hope to be through the bloody menopause soon!

My childhood was shit. I love my DC but it was tough at times being a single mum. Then studying for a degree, establishing a career etc, whilst bringing them up alone. My 20's and 30's were bloody hard work!

So I think it's too simplistic to say certain ages are harder than others. It depends very much on your circumstances.

barry that really wasn’t intended as snide, I hope others didn’t interpret it that way.

I think when you experience a lot of ill health, “ensuring” anything seems far fetched, but if you are determined to take my comments as mean spirited then I suppose you won’t see them any other way.

I don't fancy the alternative

I honestly don't think any decade has been easy. Moved out when I was 18 because my mum sold out from under me while I was at uni (living at home as halls in london too expensive) - ended up homeless for 6 months. Got a job, and bought flat, at 22. Ended up in 4 year abusive relationship.
Late twenties ok. 29, met my cold fish of a husband and had 3 kids. Separated when I was 41. Been a single parent since but Ended up in another abusive relationship from 42-49 (he lived with us for 1.5 years until I chucked him out) I have Just turned 50. Feel fucking exhausted but keep on keeping on!

Wondering when any of it gets easier tbh. Nothing has been easy so far! I've had some adventures though!

I had a hysterectomy in my 30s, nursed my dear husband through his terminal illness, until I lost him, in my 40s and I’m only coming out the other end after two years of nursing him, mental health problems and struggling to emotionally get on my feet. I’m now 51 and looking after myself more, my business is going better than ever and I’m starting to live again, though I don’t want another man in my life, as no one will ever replace my husband. Ironically as a 51yr old slightly podgy, scruffy woman, who until recently never took care myself, I get plenty of offers. I’m sure it’s nothing to do with my financial stability, own business and home.

I am thoroughly enjoying my forties. The children are teenagers now, so I have more free time to go to the cinema, go to the gym etc. I am slimmer and fitter than ever.
The difficult bit is when parents, uncles and aunts start dying. During the last year and a half I have lost my father, three uncles and four aunts.
However , I love the fact I find it really easy to say no and I don’t give a hoot what people think about me.

Winding down at 50???? Fuck that!

I’ve had lots of bereavements in my 40s but if anything they’ve made me even more aware of the fragility and shortness of life and how it’s so important to grab it all with both hands!

I’m currently planning some new career training and focusing on getting as fit as I can as I approach menopause. Aging is a process that is so pointless to fight so you might as well embrace it - looking at my parents’ generation, those who have remained super fit are having the time of their lives, those who “started to wind down” are bloody miserable.

I appreciate health isn’t a given for all of us but we all need to do what we can to help ourselves as no one else will do it for us .

Well I'm a short shuffle off 50 and, while my 40s haven't been plain sailing I've never felt more sorted. It is what it is. Every decade of life has its own challenges and I'm not going to to waste years of my life.

OK, so I have nothing planned for my birthday (and have no idea if anything will be planned for me - I'll get taken out for lunch if I'm lucky) but writing off 1/4 (or less) of one's life is daft.

I'm bloody loving my 40s. I'm feeling better than ever about myself. I was a bit insecure in my 20s, young kids and child birth in my 30s was hard work. 40s, great!

My forties were full of elderly relatives dying, including my parents, and facing my own mortality, but it helps you look at what is important.
Having spent years looking after family as a sahm, am starting my career again in my 50's at a far higher level than I left it 30 years ago.
It's a time when you can do as you please without dependants or at least not little ones to care for.
For me life began all over again at 50, but it's different for us all.

I think the previous generation were able to enjoy their 50s a lot more than mine. Smaller mortgages, earlier retirement etc.
My 40s were awful following a relationship breakup and a lot of bloody hard work to get back on my feet. I struggle financially and have mortgage to pay for years - plus the prospect of working until I am 67 - which is a lot later.
Life is a struggle if you are a single parent

Pressed too soon!

as you have nobody to share the burden of growing old! It's difficult enough with someone to help I imagine

Loved my forties but was dreading becoming 50 and had quite a panic at the prospect of it.
So far I have been blessed though. DH and I planned financially - a big advantage in getting together at 20- and so having 3 DC at university hasn’t drained the finances totally. We have a great work/life balance (more life than work!) and laugh a lot.
I am increasingly aware of life flying past and of how precious good health is. Life for me has been so good, old age does not look inviting from here but neither did 50 and it is great so I’m hoping it may turn out to be fabulous.

Early 40s I was having a great time - nice holidays, lovely well paid job with nice people, kids at a really nice age, friends from school, very fit and healthy then I got ill mid 40s and one child became a teenager. Had to stop work due to ill health. Thankfully had a lot saved before but yes am finding it hard now. Still mostly happy though. Had a few friends die in 40s which makes you realise just enjoy life whilst you can and pushed me into doing things like longhaul holidays. I do miss my 30s though.

I am loving my 40s so far (I'm 45 now). Much more confident and giving less of a shit about small things. Career-wise I am set up okay. My father died when I was in my late thirties after a long illness so I have been through the accepting parents getting old stage a long time ago. It would be nice if physically I was still as I was in my thirties, but I was never particularly physically attractive so the decline hasn't bothered me that much.

I find it odd to write two decades off!
I'm 54 and can't say I've had a bad decade. I've had bad things happen in that time span but on the whole every decade has been a blast and offered something new.
I'm 3 years into a new job, so I didn't get that until I was 51. It is hugely challenging, sometimes tiring ( even for the 20 odd year olds on the team) but good fun.

My fitness and health is good and while I know you can't control all aspects of your health, after all something's are the luck of the draw, you can do a lot to help yourself.
I've still got teenagers , although at the upper end now and it's bloody fantastic. I'd say the teen years are the best so far. I'd do those years all over again if I could.

My advice is, should you want it , is to have a positive attitude! Be curious and try out new things. Look for interesting things to do, try out new make up styles if that's your thing. Branch out of your comfort zone and take risks with opportunities that come your way.

Honestly an attitude either positive or negative will affect how you live these years. You may as well enjoy them!

Christ don't tell me that. I am 39 and the only thing keeping me going is that 40s are supposed to be better than 30s

I suggest you wait to try your 70s before deciding.

I'm 43, in temporary employment and skint. Also divorcing.

Interestingly I'm the happiest and most content I've been in 15 years. My attitude is that the only thing that will break me is mine or my children's health.

I've had a run of really shit circumstances, been in a sexless abusive marriage. But, my kids are happy and well, I'm learning new skills, finding out who I am again and it's wonderful.