Does anyone still ‘agree’ with smacking in 2019?

[BlueMoon1103]

Really honestly curious about this, does anyone still smack their children and think it’s the right thing to do? If so what are your reasons?

Please don’t comment having a go at other peoples’ parenting, I just want to hear more about ‘stricter’ parenting styles as they seem to have gone out of fashion so let’s keep it respectful.

Plenty of people do (Not me) but I have a sort-of friend that still keeps a wooden spoon to smack her kids and another that happily admits slapping her preschooler round the legs.

Neither of these people are really friends btw. More former friends now acquaintances.

Yes, I know people who do. In fact, on a recent local news article about smacking, the vast majority of comments were of the "never did me any harm" variety.

I don't understand why anyone smacks, personally, it's not as though alternative methods of behaviour management and discipline are some sort of well kept secret. I suspect it's mostly the sort of people who think they don't have to listen to advice because they know best.

No.
Just no.
I know a few people who are on the “it never did me any harm” bandwagon, and it takes everything in my not to say “Well it obviously did do you harm, because you now think it’s ok to hit a child”

Have just witnessed an English mum on holiday abroad smack her tantrumming toddler.

She hit him three times on the bum and thighs.

It did absolutely nothing to end his tantrum and resulted in him going from angry toddler to distressed hysterical child screaming for her to get off him as she yanked him along then hit him.

Horrible
He will only have learnt that his emotions can lead to physical violence

No doubt it ticked the boxes for acceptable discipline but it was horrible to witness

I don’t agree with smacking, but I have resorted to it on occasion. I wonder how many parents with a child under ten will say the same.

Almost everyone I know doesn't smack but I have met parents who do. I suspect it's more common in some groups than others. It wouldn't be socially acceptable in mine.

One thing I will say is that smacking might not be right, but it is effective. I was smacked and very well behaved as a kid, ditto most people I know. The alternative methods of discipline I employ with my kids are difficult, time consuming and not always that effective. My friends experience the same and I think it's a lot more common for us all to struggle with behaviour (especially in public) with our young kids.
Like I said, smacking isn't right, and I don't think we should do it, but I think it's silly to deny its effectiveness.

I’m not totally against it, time will tell if I do it or not.
I was occasionally snacked as a child, only when I’d crossed a line. Not damaged by it. Interestingly all of my NCT group agreed it is sometimes ok!

🙋‍♀️

I think there's a massive difference between strict parenting and smacking.

I know some very strict parents who would never smack.

I suspect there are some pretty relaxed parents who do smack their DC when they get annoyed enough.

My GP actually advised me to smack DS2 when he was little to improve his behaviour (as did my DM, who rarely smacked me) Obviously I ignored them. I'm

I bet you don't get anyone to say they smack their DC on MN though.

I have a couple of friends who have resorted to it in extreme circumstances. I wont judge them. Its not for me but people are not perfect and I shout far too much.

I’ve grown up in a country where smacking was ok (and still is) so my approach when I had my dcs was very much a ‘what the issue here’ regarding smacking.

What I have learnt is:

• smacking and being strict are TWO different things. You can be very strict and expect a lot from your dcs (eg being much quieter than their British counterparts) and you can also smack but these two don’t actually go hand in hand
• smacking imo doesn’t work to make children behave. But p, at least for me, it was often happening when I was at the end of tether.
• having ‘tried’ smacking and other methods such as time out, I think time out is just as damaging as smacking.
• and put down such as ‘you are stupid ’ etc... are also extremely damaging.

If I was to chose, I think a child that is smacked very occasionally will actually fare better than one that is told they are being stupid etc... (emotional abuse).

Do I advocate for using smacking? Nope, not at all. But I wish the same scrutiny was used to a lot of other so called acceptable parenting techniques that are, from my own experience, just as damaging.

Apparently 85% of parents in France smack their children. So, I guess most of France agrees with smacking. I'm not sure what the stats are like for it in England. I looked it up when I was camping there this year after seeing a number of parents smack their children.

I'll preface this by saying I don't smack my children but I do wonder how the criticisms levied at it can be applied to other discipline methods?

Take, for instance the 'gentler' option of the naughty calm down corner. This isn't something you would do to another adult, it corrects behaviour by temporarily withdrawing company, attention and affection, it is arguably isolating and humiliating. I can see how some people think a quick tap is preferable to this drawn out method.

So, while I used the calm down corner, I don't pretend that I know for sure it was 'the right thing to do' or that huge swathes of other parents are getting it wrong.

I agree about alternative methods of parenting being inefficient btw.
All the advice I’ve seen in MN about parenting has never ever worked with my dcs.
That include time out, sticker charts, sending them to their room, taking away ‘privileges’ etc....

And I do think it’s much easier to parent children when you are strict then when you’re not. Because you have very clear boundaries and you stick to them all the time. There isn’t a ‘it’s ok to get up from the table and fool around at meal time’ when you are at home but then running around And trying to make your dcs behave when you are out and about for example.

I agree that being strict and snacking are not necessarily linked. I think I’m a lot stricter than most people I know and I’d never smack my kids. Some of my friends don’t have as strict rules for behaviour and generally seem “softer” on what I’d consider bad behaviour yet they smack!

I’ve smacked my 6 year old when he’s hit his brother and not regretted it.

I’ve smacked my 3 year old because I didn’t know what else to doand regretted it.

I know lots of people who smack, most very rarely.

The one thing that I will say is that when smacking was an accepted form of discipline, standards of behaviour were higher. Kids behaved in school much much better than they do now when they knew their teachers could hit them. I’m not saying that makes it right, but echoing a PP, it does show it’s probably effective

@Baguetteaboutit, yep I found that method actually cruel and much more cruel than occasional smacking.
The hurt is emotional but we all know that emotional abuse is very hurtful and just as bad as physical abuse. I would actually agree that it’s worse because it’s done at a time when children are building up their self confidence and self respect and it’s destroying all that.

See, I don't think smacking does improve behaviour. Every single child I've ever met who was smacked was a less than model child. The smacking tended to go alongside some pretty lax parenting and did nothing to solve the ingrained behavioural issues in the long run.

I wouldn’t smack my own child, but I’m not judgemental of those who do. I think smacking can be a very effective form of discipline (I only have only annectotal evidence, but it worked on me - I don’t look back and think my parents did anything wrong.) Verbal discipline requires some confidence and skill which not all parents have, and feeling like they can’t smack their children I think has left quite a few parents in the lurch, leaving some children with no discipline at all.

I'll start saving for my kids therapy now then Notme. We all just try our best and inevitably fail, don't we?

No, I don't smack, but neither do I believe a smack on the bum is abuse. I've plenty of parents who are very righteous about smacking losing their shit and really shouting at their kids, putting pressure on their kids to perform, exposing their kids to the adults dysfunctional relationships etc.

Many people who judge otherwise good parents who use a smack on the bum as a form of discipline need to look at their parenting skills themselves. I'm not a perfect parent and neither are most people, I try my best and I reserve my judgement for parents who abuse, whether it be physically or mentally.

@Kungfupanda67, I dint think that standards of behaviour were higher because if the smacking. They were higher because children were EXPECTED to behave better.

Take for example how much noise a child can make.
Take a train in the uk and as soon as you have a child, people recoil expecting a lot of noise. And most parents will say that they cant help it because ‘it’s a child and they are bored/long journey’.
Now take a train in France and you wont hear a peep from any child. They can stay quiet for the duration of the journey.

That’s coming from a difference in expectation (even in a playground those children are quieter than the British ones!) not from being using smacking.

*I've seen

I was the opposite to that @FajitasForTea I was very good, very compliant child. I liked rules. Just occasionally though I was deliberately naughty and did get the odd smack. My parents were also the opposite to lax! It was a very loving family but with boundaries of expected behaviour. There are no ingrained behavioural issues with me or my brother.

Baguette I know..... I’ve tried so many things before settling down to what I think has been the best way to parent. (Which also means I’ve tried many things that weren’t actually suitable and probably detrimental to the dcs!)
Maybe I should be getting therapy for my dcs with yours?

I would like to think I won’t smack
My child (only 2) but I wouldn’t say I’m against it. I’m against hitting and lashing out as a parent out of control of a situation. If however a smack on the back of the hand or the bum is your form of punishment I don’t think it’s necessarily awful compared to shouting at a child, taking away their things etc