Calling all immigrants. Any aspects of British culture you struggle with?

[FishCanFly]

I will start:

• Kids bedtimes. I've been called neglectful.
• School uniforms. I could buy many more clothes within reasonable fashion.
• Film\game ratings. Like if Skyrim would harm a 12yo

Yorkshire pies and mince pies are two things I don't get.

I thought both meals contained meat. I hate Yorkshire's with a passion and mince pies is false advertising.

I don't get lighting a cake on fire at Christmas or bubble and squeak. In fact all British meals are odd to me

Oh God, I struggled with bed times. I couldn’t understand why everybody would send the kids to bed at 6 and have dinner on their own. Now I go to other countries and find myself fuming at having children running around and interrupting as we are trying to have an adult conversation over dinner 😁

What’s a Yorkshire pie?

There's a different between direct and rude.

eg - I say to English friend, "what do you feel like eating tonight - I'm happy with anything except I really can't face sushi tonight."
Friend, "I'm easy really"
Me: "Okay - how about we check out that new tapas place?"
Friend: "Mmm, actually, my IBS is flaring up a bit so maybe not..."

This can go on for a while.

I just sat through the Welcome Back to School day in the international school that I work in. Our lovely (very English) head was telling new / reminding existing staff of the many rules and every sentence began with “if I could ask you to possibly...” or “it would be very helpful if you could...” or “if you don’t all mind, I’d really like you to...”. Not a direct instruction at any point!

Then our French admin manager stood up and did the same, except all her sentences started with “you must...”, “you are required to...”, “you are not allowed to...” ! The British indirectness and reluctance to give a direct instruction was very obvious ;-)

Spanish DH said, when I asked him this:
"Meh. All European people are basically the same as each other ( he's lived in 3 countries). He doesn't like a lot of British comedy though (finds it crass) and wishes you could get better fish here.
He is quite reserved really, isn't outwardly emotional and loves rugby and pies so perhaps he is spiritually a Yorkshireman! Hmm.

Oh, also, as someone not very British I really don't seem fit in with:
The idea that talking about money is rude. I once asked someone how much the extension on her kitchen cost and she looked at me like I had shat on her Karndean floor...
Being unwilling to haggle...Spanish husband makes me buy all purchases that may involve haggling as he will just immediately pay what is asked!
Bland food. I can't get excited about food with no flavour.
Not liking children. I find it hard not to ruffle small children's hair and squish their cheeks. Endless threads on here about people who dared to touch their baby make me sad.
The class system, which still keeps working class oeople down and rewards priveledge.
The power of the big supermarkets and the fact that we have lost so many local shops.
The crazy house prices and the fact that we are now a 2 tier society of owners and renters.
The miserable, rigid secondary schools.
School uniform.
The insular way people live, and the idea that old people are just a nuisance.
Just..a lack of generosity of spirit sometimes. A suspicion of joy or warmth.

We do have the best biscuits though.

I don't actually believe squeezing cheeks, ruffling hair and visiting newborns as soon as the vernix has been wiped away has anything at all to do with genuinely liking children, it's more of a proprietary thing.

I like children - they're fascinating little human beings, and I'm happy to babysit if I'm free, have a house full of my children's friends a lot of the time and worked with children for a large part of my career, but I don't squeeze cheeks or ruffle hair - children generally dislike that, especially cheek squeezing, and I think the fourth trimester is very important and newborns under 4 months aren't toys to be passed about between people who think they're entitled to a go...

OK. ..!
I think what I mean is that I feel warm and affectionate towards children...not that I own them.
I read many many posts about not liking "other people's children" (so-children in general then) and lots of very precious posts about old ladies somehow contaminating babies by touching their foot or something.

My point is that in cultures other than British it's normal to be physically affectionate in a casual way to small children.
Off to Google "vernix".

Touching random children is just not on. As for squishing their cheeks - ouch, that might hurt the little dears. 😉

He doesn't understand the appeal of baked beans either.

I was on a training course once where there were 2 Brit-based Spaniards trying to convey their gastronomic horror at combining jacket potatoes with baked beans and cheese. All the Brits present struggled to see the point they were making, as it was a perfectly decent meal.

I think the anti children sentiment is a recent development and more prevalent in younger people. When I have taken my children out (gp surgery, pharmacy, supermarket etc) usually the older people like to talk to them, give them a high five, and are generally really nice/understanding. The people in their 20s-30s though just don't care, and look at us like we're a nuisance at times. That's not all people of course, just what I've noticed. There have also been really nice younger people who have helped us when our pram got stuck. It just depends. But I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it's more prevalent to be anti children if younger, but that's probably the same in my home country too (so many more people deciding not to have children these days). It also depends on the area and if it's more family oriented or not.

Sorry for place mark. I want to read all this as I find cultural differences very interesting.

I think that when people talk about how things are done "in Europe" or "on the continent" with regards to children, food, and various other things, they don't actually mean "the EU excluding the UK" they mean France, Spain and Italy, perhaps Portugal.

Certainly the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland and Austria can be as different to France, Spain and Italy as those countries are to the UK.

Early bedtimes and not reaching into prams univited aren't actually uniquely British. Obviously there's often huge variety even within a larger country, let alone between northern and southern Europe/ Mediterranean countries and more northerly regions etc.

They genuinely love inequality. Bizarre

As I said much earlier on in this thread, the class system is alive and well in many other countries but manifests itself purely in terms of wealth (as opposed to some people thinking they are better because they have "breeding"). But rich people think they are better than poorer people the world over. Calling it class is a British thing, but looking down on people with less money or education is categorically not.

I think what that poster was getting at was the far odder fact that so working-class people venerate a spectacularly useless hereditary monarchy and think in alarming numbers that upper-class politicians for whom they are irrelevant oinks are funny.

Never had an anti-children sentiment. Had it actually more so 30 years ago, but not recently - it depends what county you're in too.

I'm half-English & half of something 'exotic' - my other heritage is VERY direct/literal... I recall shopping in my teens in a far-off land and would be greeted in clothes shops with "aaah you want the fat-girl clothes" and the "big lady shoes" (was size 12/shoe size 5) And strangers would 'pinch' my arms whilst commenting on my skin-colour (far-off land is very wealthy & cosmopolitan with a mix of ethnicities... maybe a lot of that was a 70's/80's thing)

Mother87 I lived in Japan for a few years (though it wasn't multicultural or multiethnic do not where you're talking about) and once a much older colleague said to me that he was deeply sorry that he couldn't offer me a lift home from a (compulsory) work night out because he didn't think I'd fit in his car

I was a size 12 too, 5 foot 7. Admittedly he was about 4 ft 7 and probably about five stone... His car was a perfectly ordinary four seater Toyota though, not a teeny tiny Playmobil car or something I don't even think he was trying to be cruel.

@WallyWallyWally

I prefer your Head’s way of giving instructions. I would not take kindly, as a member er of the teaching staff, to be told,
“You are not allowed to..,” etc.

Anothernotherone - I don't feel quite so bad now (yes also SE Asia)

I think they mean Yorkshire pudding.

There are many things I struggled with at the very beginning but then used to them and found them really useful. ( like early bedtime for children and baked beans). Love them both now.
There are many things I still struggle with:
-Can’t get obsession with crisps, they are not food surely?

• separate hot and cold taps, We lived in new built house with separate taps and no shower over a bath so washing hair was impossible.
• People not washing fruits: apples, grapes, strawberries, etc and we are talking about nice educated people, middle class even.
• People not rinsing dishes after washing up liquid. Why, just why?
• people not being direct . Tbh it’s a bit easier after 10 something years but maybe I’m just a slow leaner.

By the way the list of positives are much longer in my case , I’m just saving it for a different thread.

-Not being direct or not giving heads up.- I am not a mind-reader

-Diet - Maaaan, a sandwich for lunch

-Silence in the tube - Why does people look at me when I talk?

-Random people talking to themselves or shouting alone in the streets.- Hmmmm, I am more used to it now

-Supper and diner time- It's early

-Kids bedtimes- Mine are not even half ready

-School times - Who tf designed school to finish at 3.30pm and how working families do it? -Other countries finish later

-Clubs closing early- Not affecting me anymore

-Biscuits and cookies - They are so good in the UK. Where I come from are more basic. How can I keep my waistline

-Housing - Why some private landlords get away renting that shit-hole

Things I love:
-Women are more equal here
-Job opportunities and salaries
-People is more charitable
-Really safe cities
-Scotland is breathtaking
-More diversity
-Robin Hood
-Harry Potter
-Access to foods from everywhere
-Green spaces
-Healthcare