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Original poster

How to deal with family members who smack.

63 replies

SlightlyColdToast · 27/08/2019 10:10

We were visiting PILs recently, and SIL was there with her toddler DC. I knew she used to smack her (much) older DC, but thought she had stopped this. Toddler was playing up a little, but nothing too bad, and SIL shouted and smacked them round the legs. Nobody knew where to look and nothing was said at the time. We have a small baby DC who will certainly not be smacked. I felt really uncomfortable at my DC witnessing that situation, baby did seem to realise something was wrong as was looking at me then back at SIL. We left soon after. I haven't had a chance to speak to DH about it yet, but I'm not sure how to bring it up or to explain how uncomfortable it made me feel. Without it sounding like I'm having a go at his family

OP posts:
raspberryk · 27/08/2019 10:13

Mind your own business?

Kiwiinkits · 27/08/2019 10:27

Yup, mind your own beeswax on this one.

HandsOffMyRights · 27/08/2019 10:28

I once raised a similar concern with a family member.
It did not go well...

Kiwiinkits · 27/08/2019 10:28

Because there is nothing quite as smug as someone with a baby telling someone with a toddler what to do and what not to do. And even while I’m sure you’re well-meaning, it will not go down well with your SIL if you make a fuss about this.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 27/08/2019 10:30

I get were you are coming from OP. Try and focus on why it’s an issue for your child to witness it. You are not going to be able to change his family’s behaviour unfortunately.

WorraLiberty · 27/08/2019 10:32

I felt really uncomfortable at my DC witnessing that situation, baby did seem to realise something was wrong as was looking at me then back at SIL.

Well then your baby will grow up learning that not everyone parents the same as you do.

I disagree with smacking children but it's really none of your business.

owl89 · 27/08/2019 11:33

I can't believe people are telling OP to mind her own business. Toddlers do not deserve to be smacked. How disgusting.

owl89 · 27/08/2019 11:39

Just to clarify, I meant your SIL is disgusting, not the posters here lol

LochJessMonster · 27/08/2019 11:43

Mind you own business. People parent differently. If a child is playing up, a smack on the back of the legs will stop them doing it again.

eurochick · 27/08/2019 11:59

I'm shocked at this thread. I can't imagine anyone I know smacking their child. I'd be pretty horrified to witness it too OP. I'm not sure how I'd deal with it in your shoes.

SarahAndQuack · 27/08/2019 12:01

Are you somewhere where this is illegal? If so, I don't think you can or should ignore it.

If it is legal, I think you just raise it with anyone who'll be in charge of your child. Will that ever be SIL? If so, it's like anything else. Personally, I don't smack but I do give my child chocolate; my mother would have smacked but not given chocolate. I'd expect her to stick to my rules not her own (and she'd agree).

Catbrat · 27/08/2019 12:02

This would make me feel uncomfortable too, I have a 11yr old who has never had so much as a tap on her hand, smacking is barbaric in my eyes. But, its not illegal so she can do as she pleases, I wouldn't mention it, it will just cause problems.

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 27/08/2019 12:04

I think I'd have blurted out "Aww you tight cow!" in a half joking manner. I'd do the same if I saw someone hit their dog too 🤷

Benjispruce · 27/08/2019 12:05

My children have had the odd smack. They are teens now. Just asked them and they can’t remember and don’t carry any trauma. I was occasionally smacked. We weren’t there so don’t know if it was appropriate. I don’t really get the fuss. Stay out of it unless it’s obviously not a little smack. Then I guess you wouldn’t have to ask because your instincts would take over.

Totototoro · 27/08/2019 12:06

She is hitting a toddler and people are telling her to mind her own business?

You don't hit a toddler. It's disgusting.

Benjispruce · 27/08/2019 12:08

Hitting is not the same as a smack. It’s not black and white.

LochJessMonster · 27/08/2019 12:09

@Benjispruce 100% agree. There's a massive difference between a smack and a hit. I was occasionally smacked as a children, never caused any trauma. Hitting a child or smacking in the face is completely different to smacking on the bottom or back of the legs.

Totototoro · 27/08/2019 12:16

No. It isn't.

Instead of taking the time to talk to your child, explain what they are doing is wrong, why it is wrong and that you would like them to not do it anymore you are just physically hurting your child in a quick fix attempt to plaster over the issue and probably to take out your own frustrations on that child.

In what other situation would that be appropriate? None.

So why is it OK to submit a one to two year old to physical punishment?

It's lazy and abusive parenting.

Benjispruce · 27/08/2019 12:17

Whatever

Totototoro · 27/08/2019 12:18

What an eloquent and thought out response.

You know I'm right.

owl89 · 27/08/2019 12:36

I'm actually baffled at how many people think it's ok to physically hurt a child. If you need to smack a child you have no idea how to parent effectively and don't deserve children. If you are comfortable smacking a child in front of other people, I dread to think what you do behind closed doors.

HandsOffMyRights · 27/08/2019 12:38

Oh, and smacking a child is NEVER appropriate!

lastqueenofscotland · 27/08/2019 12:39

I can’t stand the “never did me any harm” brigade.
But I do agree it’s a very hard situation and confrontation won’t go well. You are h likely to change her behaviour so may be easier to just spend as little time as possible with her

petyeti · 27/08/2019 13:22

Christ this is a toddler. A toddler who is learning and figuring out boundaries, it's what they are supposed to do. You don't lash out physically when they annoy you. I can't believe anyone is telling you to ignore it.

petyeti · 27/08/2019 13:22

I can’t stand the “never did me any harm” brigade.

There are lots of people it did do harm to.