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Original poster

How to deal with family members who smack.

63 replies

SlightlyColdToast · 27/08/2019 10:10

We were visiting PILs recently, and SIL was there with her toddler DC. I knew she used to smack her (much) older DC, but thought she had stopped this. Toddler was playing up a little, but nothing too bad, and SIL shouted and smacked them round the legs. Nobody knew where to look and nothing was said at the time. We have a small baby DC who will certainly not be smacked. I felt really uncomfortable at my DC witnessing that situation, baby did seem to realise something was wrong as was looking at me then back at SIL. We left soon after. I haven't had a chance to speak to DH about it yet, but I'm not sure how to bring it up or to explain how uncomfortable it made me feel. Without it sounding like I'm having a go at his family

OP posts:

ILE35 · 28/08/2019 22:05

I'm a proud member of the "never did me any harm" brigade. It didn't!

There is a difference between a smack and an over the top hammering.

I'd say you are better minding your own business with this one.

june2007 · 28/08/2019 22:12

A smack in law in England at least. 9Sctland may be different and not sure of Wales.) I considered reasonable chastisement. Raising it as an issue can be more problematic, We all find things we can disapprove of about someone. Someone may not smack buy swear like a trouper for instance.

Hidcote · 28/08/2019 22:25

I'm a proud member of the "never did me any harm" brigade. It didn't!
It did do you harm. It made you think it's ok to hit kids when it isn't

Mrskeats · 28/08/2019 22:44

Brilliant hidcote
I might hit the kids I’m tutoring tomorrow if they annoy me. That ok too?

Stompythedinosaur · 28/08/2019 23:14

I'm a proud member of the "never did me any harm" brigade. It didn't!

There's plenty of evidence that corporal punishment has a negative effect on children. You have no idea how you would have developed without being subject to this.

Hidcote · 28/08/2019 23:54

Brilliant hidcote
I might hit the kids I’m tutoring tomorrow if they annoy me. That ok too?
Have you interpreted my 2 posts as saying I'm in favour of hitting?

Mrskeats · 28/08/2019 23:58

No sorry hidcote only the brilliant bit was for you.

Hidcote · 29/08/2019 00:01

putsomethingontheendofit · 29/08/2019 03:04

I do have a toddler, very much 'in the trenches' with him. I don't hit him.

I would have to leave - I wouldn't let him witness abuse.

jellycatspyjamas · 29/08/2019 05:43

I do have a toddler, very much 'in the trenches' with him. I don't hit him.

I’m not remotely condoning hitting, I’m glad you don’t hit your toddler, I don’t hit my two older kids either. It is however a huge societal shift that has seen smacking become unacceptable, it was once seen as commonplace and I’ve heard parents being told their child “just needs a smack” in my lifetime. Attitudes towards smacking have changed a lot, which is a good thing but not everyone is there yet.

Given that, I’d be supporting someone to learn more positive ways of behaviour management - from a place of care for her and the child, not giving her a hard time on the internet, for others to join in too. Some of the comments on this thread are exactly why women find it so hard to say they’re struggling, are at the end of their tether and need help.

Jurassicmuma · 29/08/2019 06:51

My sil smacks and my mil smacks sil's kids to. I think it's bloody awful. My children haven't never done anything that warranted smacking but my mil has made a few joking comments about "how she deals with them when shes looking after them". I rarely leave them with her but I'd hit the roof if she smacked them. She complains to people about how she hardly has them, I know deep down shed never have reason to hit my Kids cos they are really well behaved but I just don't want to leave them there. I once witnessed sil smack her son and I deliberately looked uncomfortable and disgusted. It made her feel so awkward and it bloody should. Smacking is wrong

PurpleFlower1983 · 29/08/2019 07:24

So teaching a very young child that violence is ok is something you should mind your own business about? Wow.

ILE35 · 29/08/2019 17:12

@hidcote

By hit do you mean a short sharp slap on the back of the hand or bum cheek when they are being a brat and behaving badly or even worse putting themselves in danger or an out of control beating done purely out of rage (clearly unnaceptable)? There are all different degrees of hitting (rolls eyes)

And I actually did turn out all right having been subjected to it. Come to think of it I've never actually smacked my own either but if I seen someone doing the former, smack on the hand/bum then yeah I'd mind my own business.

Wow all you want.

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