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Original poster

What’s it like being a parent to a grown up ?

76 replies

Lardlizard · 26/08/2019 23:52

I actually can’t imagine

Does it creep up so slowly you can’t notice

OP posts:
springydaff · 26/08/2019 23:58

They will always be your babies though you NEVER let that show. You love them in the same heart-stopping way you did when they were little. They forget about you and they think you similarly forget about them - not so.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/08/2019 00:03

Springy

We went to the beach with DPIL this weekend and MIL was taking photos. I assumed of the grandkids. But then I realised she was also snapping DH on his own, and it suddenly really hit me that even though he's a hairy bloke in his 40s, he is still her baby just like 18mo DS is to me. It was a real 💓 moment!

DramaAlpaca · 27/08/2019 00:07

It's lovely actually. I have a great relationship with my three, who are in their 20s. The thing I didn't expect was how much I still worry about them, even more than when they were small. I expect that will always be so.

Herefortheduration · 27/08/2019 00:14

When I was oh with dc1 I commented to someone that I was scared on being mum to s teenager, she said you grow with your children and that has always been the case.

NorthEndGal · 27/08/2019 00:15

It's weird, but good
I like how they turned out

bananasandwicheseveryday · 27/08/2019 00:33

It's great. I've loved being a parent at every stage - newborn, toddler, going to school, teenage and adulthood. Every stage has it's own special moments and memories. And that moment when you are your baby cradlitheir baby for the first time. The sheer rush of emotions, completely unexpected in my case, words cannot describe it.

Bookworm4 · 27/08/2019 00:39

I have 4 DC; 14/25, my eldest is a wonderful young women, I think you always love them but I find as she’s grew up and moved on in her career I admire her and am so proud of her more than ever. It’s does hit me every now and then I have a ‘child’ who is 25 and getting married in 2 years; how did that happen? Was she not 5 two minutes ago!!

actuallyquitesmall · 27/08/2019 00:40

It's lovely. We go to Ikea and talk about cushions Grin

Seriously though, it is a bit of a relief when you can step back a bit and don't have to be a parent 'on duty' 24/7.

mathanxiety · 27/08/2019 01:04

The worrying aspect of it gets even worse ime.

They're out on their own and decisions they make become very consequential.

AllBellsNoWhistles · 27/08/2019 04:48

I love it.
I often used to wonder when they were little things like, wonder what job they will do? Will they get married, etc.
They're working in complete opposite jobs to what I am imagined, they're married and they have their own kids.
The hardest part is not talking to them as 'mum' because they have to make their own decisions and make their own way in life.

Skittlenommer · 27/08/2019 05:16

The thing I didn't expect was how much I still worry about them, even more than when they were small. I expect that will always be so

This is why I think it’s incredibly naive of people to assume that once their children are grown your life is your own again. Having children is like a life sentence. You worry about them until you die. It’s not worth it IMO.

barryfromclareisfit · 27/08/2019 05:20

Worry. Helplessness. Frustration. Pride. Gratitude. Joy. Loss - you might love them, admire and enjoy the person they have become, but the little person they once were is gone. Adaptation - not new, you’ve been doing it since they were conceived, being who they need you to be. Hope - that they will be safe and happy, not get hurt, that people will treat them well. Fear - of everything that might possibly go wrong. Resolve - to live in the moment, enjoy what you have, not ask questions, not have expectations. Selflessness.

It’s a bit like that.

barryfromclareisfit · 27/08/2019 05:21

It’s worth it!

Chottie · 27/08/2019 05:30

I love being a mother.

I loved all the stages of being a mother and now my DC are adults, they are friends as well as children. Both are independent and living happy and fulfilled lives. I love spending time with them and now I have gorgeous DGC, my cup of happiness is full and I feel very blessed.

In a nutshell, being a parent to adult children is very relaxing, they make their own decisions about their own lives.

BestBeforeYesterday · 27/08/2019 05:35

Having children is like a life sentence. You worry about them until you die. It’s not worth it IMO.
I've seen you on other threads posting similar views, what do you even know about being a parent if you don't have kids? Why waste your time posting stuff like this on a site where there are a million threads on other topics? Makes you sound like a case of "sour grapes".

Toneitdown · 27/08/2019 05:37

I think it depends what sort of grown up they are. It's wonderful if they're getting on with life but not everyone does. If your adult children aren't happy then it's quite different.

Toneitdown · 27/08/2019 05:39

It’s not worth it IMO.

Did you regret having children?

mathanxiety · 27/08/2019 06:15

I didn't mean to be such a wet blanket in my previous post.

I have to say I love this stage and I wish they lived closer.

It's especially heartwarming to see them trying their best to figure out nice Christmas gifts for each other, to see how much they all pull together to help each other out, to give advice - how much they like and appreciate each other.

As with all of their previous phases, this one has promoted reflection and personal growth for me, more than I though possible after the teenage hurricane years.

For some reason they never adopted 'Mom' as their name for me. The DDs call me Mommy and DS has an 'inside joke' name for me that might be outing but I like it.

Yogagirl123 · 27/08/2019 06:18

I love it, the stages seem go quickly, but because it’s gradual, you know longer have toys in the house, the choices on tv change. Then GCSE’, starting college, finishing college, learning to drive, first jobs I would say I worry more now, as a PP says they are always your babies. Best thing I ever did, having my two, I would do it all again if I could.

greentheme23 · 27/08/2019 06:31

Closer to my 20 year old dd now than I felt at 14. She's now appreciative of what we did as parents. Enjoy her company and she enjoys mine. Loving watching her transition into full blown adulthood.

Skittlenommer · 27/08/2019 09:04

It’s not worth it IMO

Did you regret having children?

No, as I don’t have any but if I had then I know I would have absolutely regretted it!

Having children is like a life sentence. You worry about them until you die. It’s not worth it IMO

I've seen you on other threads posting similar views, what do you even know about being a parent if you don't have kids? Why waste your time posting stuff like this on a site where there are a million threads on other topics? Makes you sound like a case of "sour grapes"

You can know an awful lot about it without having children. I know for example that it looks like extremely exhausting hard work and it doesn’t end when they hit 18! Most definitely not sour grapes. There is not a day goes by that I’m not thankful to be childfree. I do post on lots of other topics too.

Asta19 · 27/08/2019 09:08

Mine are 28 and 30 and they are still my favourite people in the world to spend time with. I was a single parent for most of their childhood so no one knows me like they do and vice versa. We can have really deep and meaningful discussions and we can happily chat about crap! They are probably the only people in this world I can really be myself with.

Neither of them want to “settle down” with anyone yet and both are ambivalent about having their own kids. Which is ok with me. I just want them to be happy, which they are. I’m not entirely sure I’d want a grandchild born in todays world to be quite honest.

I personally feel happy I had them young. As it means I hopefully get way more time to spend with them! That’s why I personally couldn’t have had kids in my late 30’s/early 40’s as that would mean I’d be 70 now and I still feel I have a lot of years left that I want to be around for.

fattt · 27/08/2019 09:09

I’ve ‘noticed’ you as well skittles

Just be happy in your choices and let others be happy in theirs.

Having kids is hard work. But so is everything that means something. Nothing really meaningful in this life comes without a certain amount of self sacrifice.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/08/2019 09:09

It's...different.

I've got five, the eldest is 30, which seems impossible. But they've turned into wonderful, independent people who I am proud to be friends with.

The oddest part is when you feel the power shift. The first time that they take care of you - even if it's something as simple as coming round to fix something you can't mend, or sort out a computer problem that has eluded you. Gradually, gradually they become the 'grown up' and you become the 'older person who must be looked after'. I still give advice, but now they give me as much as they take from me.

It's rather nice. Like finding a whole bunch of new friends.

katewhinesalot · 27/08/2019 09:21

Mine are only new adults and are still living at home. I'm having to negotiate the leaving them to make their own decisions without me sticking my oar in. It's hard to step back completely.
Otoh it's lovely to be able to do things without considering the needs of your children. I've got my freedom back. It's nice to interact with, and see the products of all our hard work. It's nice relating to them as adults. I'm swearing more as I'm not minding my tongue.

Just got to get them do some adulting over leaving their shoes everywhere. Then we're done.