What’s it like being a parent to a grown up ?

[Lardlizard]

I actually can’t imagine

Does it creep up so slowly you can’t notice

Ha! I've been through hell with my children - not contented adults (yet). I live in hope.

So, no joys that they're functioning adults etc. I am usually very nervous before seeing them, hoping it goes well.

I adore them though and I'm glad I had them even though they've broken my heart to smithereens

Just a shout-out for mums/parents of troubled and difficult adults (all my fault if you believe what you read on MN apparently - as if the pain of it wasn't bad enough..)

I've just the one, had him in my mid 30s. He is in his mid 20s and has settled and happy life with his long term girlfriend and a good job.
I definitely worry less about him now than I used to but I'm always thinking about him. We are very close and speak often but don't live as close as I'd ideally like. Most of the time he seems so adult but occasionally I glimpse the child he used to be and that always makes me smile. I'm very lucky that he's always been pretty easy to bring up Fifa aside
As others have mentioned it's hard to let go and if I'm honest I sometimes probably still poke my nose when I shouldn't

I love him to bits, he has made me very proud so many times. Best thing I did.

Yes the worry, it is endless and you are only as happy as your least happy child.

But you have these lovely people, who remind you so much of yourself and your DH in your youth and who share your basic values yet help you open your mind to new ideas.

I dearly love spending time with my grown up kids; its just lovely.
I do sometimes wish I'd raised them to be more homeloving and less adventurous. I count it a bonus when we are all on the same continent.

“Yes the worry, it is endless and you are only as happy as your least happy child.”
This is so true. Both of my children have had hard times in their lives- my dd in particular. Being strong and calm and rock like for her was almost more than I could manage.

You are only as happy as your least happy child

So, so true.

I absolutely love having grown up children, they look after me if I’m ill, talk over my problems, and pick us up from the pub! I do remind them to remember their passports but they remind me too.😀
Yes sometimes I worry about them, but they also worry about me sometimes. A big hug from my six foot tall 25 year old son is wonderful.
I’m going through a possible cancer diagnosis at present and they’re all there for me in different ways, be that endless cups of tea from my daughter or offers of shopping and dishwasher filling from my sons, they don’t drink tea so don’t think about it, it’s not a sexist division of labour.😆

For me the best thing about being a parent to a grown up child is watching him with his own children, he's a far better parent than I ever was, he has patience, and an understanding of the ways of small children, they're 3 and 1, he's a lovely man and I feel very proud of him.

I sometimes wonder if there is anything wrong with me because I worry an AWFUL lot less now that my children are grown-up.

Basically, I have a lot of confidence in their ability and judgment. More so, than I think I should have had in my own ability and judgment at that age. Certainly a lot more than I had in the ability and judgment of some of the people who had power over them when they were younger (doctors, headteacher, EWOs etc). My dd, at least, will never be free of pain and suffering- but at least these days the decision process surrounding those issues is in her very capable hands.

“I sometimes wonder if there is anything wrong with me because I worry an AWFUL lot less now that my children are grown-up.”

Obviously there isn’t anything wrong with you! But for me, i didn’t have anything significant to worry about til mine were adults. You did. So obviously our perspectives are very different.

Mine are a bit wild, a bit too thrill seeking. ADHD tendencies I suspect. When they were kids it was manageable with adrenaline inducing outdoorsy hobbies. My kids were always the first ones in the group to go down the death slide or to jump into the waterfall pool.

Adult thrills can be more dangerous (and sometimes chemical). Fortunately they are getting more sensible as they are getting older.

Anxious mother, reckless kid is a very fraught combination.

What I find hardest about adult children I ( and mine is early 20s - not married, no grandchildren ) is that in earlier years I could have scooped him up and pretty much sorted out any problem.

Now I can't - but I want to . Standing back is hard sometimes very hard ,

He is fine by and large but he has friends who have been through tough times with relationships / depression etc & very hard to tread the right line

Thanks all for the insight
I guess I worry about it sometimes but hopefully it will creep up slowly
But I do think it could well be a bigger worry

Mine are 27, 26, 25 and 22.
I bloody LOVE having adult kids .
Three still live with me as we are in Oxfordshire and they can't afford to move out yet, but they (and partners) come and go, chat, mess up the kitchen cooking, talk to me late at night, hug me and go to work with a casual 'bye Mum, love you..'
I love that they are capable independent people, but still my babies, and they all still come for hugs.
Eldest is a doctor and lives far away but I am so proud of her I could burst. Youngest has autism and learning disability and will never leave home but is content in his world.
You never stop worrying, and the worries are bigger and badder... but you have faith in them and it's great!

Its good and bad tbh. The things you worry about change as they get older and as adults you dont have much control over what they do.
I have one still at home and one who moved out to go to uni and has not moved back and I find much harder with the one at home because I see what goes on and tend to get too involved and anxious about everything. Its hard to step back when they are living under the same roof. Whereas with the other one, I dont see the half of it I suppose and therefore worry less.
I thought the teenage years were bad but I'm still having sleepless nights. But that's the kind of person I am.

It’s lovely but going too fast
My daughter is 42 and son 38
And I’m sad that at some point I will have to leave them.

I have a grandson 21
That’s adult too
Lovely..but someone put the brake on please

My daughter and family drive 7 hours to spend three nights with us in wales
( we live a mile apart in our hometown)
I feel so blessed.

Absolutely lovely. They are such fun to be around and genuinely nice people. We worry sometimes, if they are ill or overseas. Our relationships have changed over time but that constant responsibility dissipates. We speak most days, share most things, they stay often and ask advice. Wedding planning is great fun.
It does all go a bit too quickly.

I have two DS's both in their 30's, I still worry about them. They are both happily married to lovely young women and I am proud of all four of them (the women are both as close as daughters now).
Oh but I do miss those squishy hugs they used to give me!

Pp mentioned now the roles have changed as they get older and you age.
When I ring , the first thing they ask is
Are you alright?
Bit worrying isn’t it?

It's lovely. Much letter than if they were babies/children.

Level of worry exactly the same.

It is absolutely worth it skittles.

Having grownup children is better than having small children imo. Of course you never stop worrying about them, but as your own parents age you worry about them too. I would like to think my parents and children would worry about me from time to time.

It doesn’t feel remotely weird to me to have grown up children. Give me a child at 13, the older they are the better.

One of mine has just become an adult & im loving it. Interesting conversations, shared taste in movies & tv & so much fun. She’s about to leave to go to uni in a few weeks & i know she’s ready but I can feel my anxiety starting to build. It’s like she’s slipping out my finger tips. Thankfully I’ve still got other kids to mother & hug on a daily basis

My eldest two are ‘new’ adults at 21
and 19. I find this much easier than parenting young ones but they still worry you except now it’s the texts like - ‘How do you change brake pads on a car? I’m doing it myself.’

I don’t always see my eldest much as he’s moved out but my 19yo is still at home and much better company now than a few years back.

It is a gradual process though and has happened naturally so not noticeable til looking back.

For me his 18th birthday was like a door opening!
I could rationalise the fact that he was ENTITLED to be treated as an adult. He had the same rights as his parents and had to be consulted on family decisions that affected him. Obviously his earning potential was missing but driving, voting, giving blood, independent holidays and buying a house all happened in the first three months!

It was also his last year at High School and he needed to learn life skills to be able to live independently at University, so he got a crash course in cooking and household budgeting, too. It felt right to me but there was some reluctance from DH (the more anxious parent), a bit like banishing the young lion from the pride.

Now he’s starting his 3rd year and we all WhatsApp regularly, see each other at least once a month and maintain an affectionate relationship. We’re proud of him and support him any way we can. He’s not “in the pride” any more but we look forward to the end of University and his next steps.