It’s great you’ve identified the problem. I have been there / am there! (Writing this all down for my benefit too). For ages I was saying “why can’t I lose weight” when the problem was “why am I overeating?”. I really struggled with getting started too. Here’s what helped me (this is totally personal to me, I have no medical training whatsoever etc etc).
Tomorrow morning weigh yourself.
Work out how much you want to lose to get to your goal weight.
Give yourself a realistic average overall weight loss target per week (bear in mind it might take you a while to get going, you might lose loads at the beginning, plateaus etc). Something like 1lb per week. But I think the NHS website can give guidance on healthy weight loss per week.
See how long it will take you to lose the weight at that rate. This might be quite disheartening if you have a lot to lose. Ie you suddenly realize you won’t be “thin” by Christmas. But it’s really important to understand you are in this for the long haul and it’s changing the way you eat long term, hopefully forever, not a fad diet. Each day you will feel better and each day you will be closer to the goal weight. Remember that you will look and feel a lot better at each weight “on the way down”’as opposed to when you were that weight before but gaining weigh with unhealthy eating habits. You might want to split this into a number of smaller goals. Happy Scale is a good app for that.
You might want to experiment with how often to weigh yourself, it’s really personal. Daily can be motivating, especially at the beginning. Weekly might see more of an overall trend? If you find scales very triggering and a gain would send you off on a binge maybe forget the scales and go by an item of clothing, measurements etc.
Personally, I have stuck with weighing because I am trying to move across BMI categories and so actual weight is important to me. But I have changed to lb not Stone and lb. All my life I have fixated on stone and lb weight and I know exactly what I weighed in stones at different points in my life. So changing it to just lb has made it more clinical and less emotional for me.
Forgive yourself for gaining the weight and for using the coping mechanisms you needed at time. Onwards!
Download MyFitnessPal if you don’t have it already.
Ok so now you need to make “tomorrow” happen. But it’s so difficult to change how you eat when you wake up bloated and feeling terrible after a day of overeating. So you’re going to do it slowly. Day 1, just set yourself a time like 6pm, and you’re just going to stop eating junk by then. That’s all.
The next day make it 3pm or midday and add in any “healthy” meals instead. Veg, protein, whole grains, fruit etc. This stage is more about breaking binge pattern than anything else.
If you want to log all these days on MFP it can be quite eye opening!
Once you feel confident to do a whole day of regular meals set yourself a realistic calorie target on MFP. Something like 2000 per day if you’ve regularly been binging over that. Keep at 2000 for a week then reduce to 1800. Do another week on 1800. Keep going until you reach your ideal target of calories per day.
Choose the “diet plan” that suits you best but think of your calories going further so it probably will be something like low carb / high protein with lots of veg but the idea is noting is off limits, you just need to stay in your calorie range. Do research different methods (lots of advice and descriptions of different ways of eating for weight loss on these boards) to find what suits you / your lifestyle best.
Do not offset calories with exercise. But do incorporate more movement for its own sake. Like the calories- Little by little. Get off the bus a stop earlier until you build up to walking the journey etc.
Clothes: if you can / have the money clear out your wardrobe of anything that makes you feel bad. Move clothes you want to fit into again elsewhere for now. You want a whole wardrobe just with clothes you are happy to wear right now. (Even if it’s just a capsule wardrobe). A tight waistband is bound to make you feel depressed and heading for a binge.
Buy a few new clothes if you can that make you feel nice and comfortable and that fit you now. If you can only buy one thing but some new exercise clothes. They make you feel positive and like you are doing something, it’s easier to walk that extra distance to the bus stop if you’re in sports leggings and trainers and they’re comfortable. Lots of places do plus size nice sports wear now.
Don’t wait until you get to your ideal weight to get new make up, colour / cut your hair, get your eyebrows done etc. Doing these things will make you feel better, improve your self esteem and can be a replacement activity for when you used to binge.
Try and start dealing with the feelings behind the binging sooner rather than later.... what is it you are stuffing down with that food? Frustration, anger, loneliness? If you can afford therapy I really recommend it, and it’s possible your GP may be able to refer you. If not or in the mean time do some internet research, read some books (Fat is a Feminist Issue is an old one but a good one). doing this might bring up some really painful feelings for you, so I do recommend some professional guidance.
Something simple to try is when a urge to eat something you don’t want to eat comes, pause. Acknowledge the urge. “I really want that Mars bar” .Ask yourself how you are feeling / what are you feeling and why. “I am feeling so overwhelmed! I can’t get everything done today that I need to. I need a break!” Take some breaths, acknowledge the feelings. That might be enough to move on. Or if not you could continue: “how will the Mars bar make me feel, better or worse? What could I do instead? I could have a cup of herbal tea and prioritize my to do list.”
Try not to focus on the final weight.... it will seem so far away that you can “always start tomorrow”.
Instead think about feeling comfortable, not bloated, getting into bed feeling happy about what you have eaten.
Check how you talk to yourself. Cut out the “you’re disgusting and fat” talk. Speak nicely to yourself.
“You have had such a good day, so proud you didn’t add any crisps to your shopping basket”
Etc.
Drink plenty of water. Get some reusable water bottles and fill them up each night for the next day.
Don’t expect a perfect streak all the way to your goal weight. Practicing getting back “on the wagon” is an important tool too. Otherwise a slice of birthday cake, a party, a holiday where you overate will be able to properly derail your progress.
Read the weight loss chat threads on here: they have loads of good ideas / inspiration/ motivation. Something I read on here once: “Losing weight is hard, being overweight is hard. Pick your hard”.
You can do it!