So big I barely recognised myself

[Unrecogniseabletomyself]

I saw myself in a mirror today and barely recognised myself. Genuinely didn't look like me. I am so big, my shape is lost.

I keep getting bigger. I am aware in talking in some sorry of passive way about this, yet it's entirely within my control to change it. I seem completely unable to stop overeating. I really do know that sounds feeble and it's not true. Yet I still can't seem to do anything about it.

Have you been at this point and what changed things for you? It affects my health, my confidence, my day to day life. I have young children and I hate being unhealthy.

I have had a stressful few years but I am doing much better, have dealt with that, yet I keep getting bigger. I don't know what answer I'm looking for. I'm hoping there is some way too approach this that will make a difference.

I thought about slimming clubs but can't find any on nights in free too attend. I have wasted money on gym membership.

I started reading Fat is Feminist a issue those morning, I had a copy already. Going to see if I can get the Gillian Riley one later. If not I'll order it.

I had a group of 20 something's film me and laugh when I was doing a physical activity with the children recently. I know the behaviour was not nice and they were idiots but it still had an impact. I think it'll take a big bit of courage to exercise in public, but the getting active really really appeals so I might try. Even just long brisk walks fow now.

LittleFairywren I understand what you are saying about understanding the reasons. I've had a lot of therapy though and I'm fatter than ever. I think I need to try actually doing something.

Tons of useful advice here. Unrecognisable they were indeed idiots and beneath contempt.
As for the pp flogging the diet miracle crap please dont affront our eyes to have to read that crap.

Overall it strikes me that when you end up over weight there can be a fundamental acceptance issue.
I am a person who tends to over eat and consequently gain weight. Even though others may eat the same and not gain. This is always going to be the case. Curbing and managing those tendencies to over eat is do able and will bring great rewards but it's going to take conscious attention and vigilance on a daily basis for the rest of my life. Like the pp with the 2 days off a month there may be planned days off. Christmas day for sure. Other than that I summarise my strategy as:
Acceptance of tendency to over eat and willingness to identify and manage addictive eating.
Awareness of what over eating will cost me in all aspects of life in the long term
A focus on management of eating habits firstly and weight loss as secondary to that. Focusing on one day at a time or even one meal at a time.
Looking at both the quality and quantity
Quality: so overall less processed food, more fruit and veg, less wheat bad fats and sugar etc.
Quantity: this is the timing/how often, so reducing snacking, smaller portions, maybe building in a bit of fasting if you can.
I think it takes a certain amount of almost getting mildly angry, and saying hell no enough is enough I deserve to be happy and fit and I will take the time energy and effort to make that happen, even if it means changes at work and home. Who decided the prison being over weight can be was a good enough way to spend our precious life and health. Not any more. And certainly not for the dubious luxury of cheap mass produced trans fat filled crap!
Overall a multi factor problem needs a multi factor approach and the best results will come from being aware of all of them even if they aren't tackled at once. I think we all have to sit down and think or write out our battle plan and start today.

Oh OP - I completely understand, weight just creeps up on you and one day you look in the mirror and wonder how you got to that point. It happened to me and having gone from someone who never needed to think about diets I tried loads. And I failed at all of them after initial success because my willpower is shit.

DH decided to do the 16:8 version of intermittent fasting (god knows why, he's a fricking string bean) and I said I'd do it with him, solidarity in starvation etc. And while he didn't even manage the first day, I found that it worked for me. Gave me willpower I never thought I'd have - I can say no to chocolate now. Even to cheese! I'm still not quite sure how the diet works but it's easy to fit into your life, no calorie counting or 'syns' or excluding food groups (unless you need to for medical reasons) or any of that malarkey and you can skip a day when you want to.

Admittedly I'm exercising too but I was doing that before the 16:8 and nothing was budging so I'm pretty sure it's down to diet and not the occasional HIIT class or run.

Hope you can find something that works well for you too - there's loads to choose from as I can see from this thread!

Btw I'm also not hungry all the time. I thought I'd be constantly starving but actually it's pretty easy to just get up, go about your day and not eat till noon or 1pm. I get hungrier now if I do eat in the morning.

unrecognisable those people are total a-holes and they don't get to define you.

Joyful the contrariness is accompanied by palpable rage when I get hungry and I know that what I want to eat will make me fatter. Oh, the injustice of it all!
Changing mindset and food habits is definitely the way forward, rather than dieting. I am going to dial back the amount of carbs I eat and go on from there.
Re-reading this thread will also help.

Hi OP, I know you've had a lot of book recommendations on this thread but please can I add one more! It's 'Brain Over Binge' by Kathryn Hansen. It specifically addresses two of the issues you've raised in your posts: firstly that you were hoping sorting your life out in other ways would have a beneficial impact on your eating habits (she explains exactly why this isn't the case), and secondly the bit about how you want this so much and yet feel out of control can't seem to stop overeating (this is a big part of binge eating disorder).

Good luck OP!

@Unrecogniseabletomyself
" I had a group of 20 something's film me and laugh when I was doing a physical activity with the children recently."

I had a group of teenage lads walk past me, one said, "look there's big mama" . I completely know how you feel. I was in shock and thought I'm not that fat, am I? Weighed myself and wondered what had happened to me? I used to look slim and attractive! I felt ashamed of myself for letting myself go. Then I started my healthy eating and exercise.

My eldest confided in me this morning that she's happy now I'm looking slimmer as she was a bit embarrassed by my weight before. I had no idea how much my weight affected her.

I feel more positive about change today. I think just sharing the whole messy embarrassing business has been helpful in itself. And to know others get it - the mental struggle rather than just the mechanics of dieting - helps it feel less shameful. Often discussion doesn't go beyond the specifics of various diets ( which I appreciate too).

I enjoyed my lunch today, more than I usually enjoy food. I am not sure of my approach yet but I really think I'm ready to get planning. I can be a very capable person. The posts here have really helped. I feel a bit too caught up in my own feelings to offer much support which is a bit crap but I am glad the many great posts here have helped others.

I hope other posters starting out in making changes are doing well.

mrpepperpotty that does sound like it fits well with my thoughts, will check it out thanks

Well done OP. Good to hear that you are feeling more positive. It’s nice to know that you have helped many others with your post too. 😊
I signed up to MFP (as per Pears advice) and I can see very clearly just in 2 days, where my weight is coming from!!

I've just put yesterday's food into MFP and, yes, it's quite enlightening!

Thanks @EttyG, I'm going to give it a go.

This was me about five years ago. I had three children in the space of 2.5 years so had gained six stone. After DC3 was born I became seriously anxious and barely left the house so just sat around eating most of the day. I was 17 stone 9 at my heaviest so 6 stone overweight (I’m 5 ft 7). Hated myself, could barely look in a mirror and I just had no energy whatsoever.

One day I just decided to take back control of my life. I have no idea what snapped in me but I was so sick of being fat, I just decided to do something about it. It was a Thursday as well so none of this ‘diet starts Monday crap’. Lost seven stone in a year!

I started off with the 5:2 diet which really helped me teach my body how to actually be hungry and all about portion control too. I did this for the first 4/5 months and lost 4 stone. The next 3 stone came off purely through exercising a fuck tonne and eating ridiculously healthy.

Kept it off until I fell pregnant two years ago and subsequently had two losses in a row then my 9 month old. Now 3 stone overweight so not as bad as before but I eat for comfort and pregnancy is really, really bad for my health .

I'm in the same boat, OP.

I'm going on holiday tomorrow, but definitely getting on with aiming for the new me on my return. I shall be referring back to this thread.
There have been so many excellent, helpful posts. Best of MN! 👏

Yes Sayer - you are right, it is the best of MN. Nice to see / hear everyone supporting each other.