If you were a billionaire, what's the most ridiculous and indulgent thing you would use your money for?

[Vasya]

Setting aside for the moment the fact that the existence of billionaires is a sign of a broken economy and they shouldn't exist... what is the most self-indulgent, ridiculous thing you would pay for if you were one?

I'll start:

1. Hire Stevie Nicks to work with me to write a love song about my husband.

1. Host a dinner party catered by Alain Passard

1. Daily back, neck and shoulder aromatherapy massage before bed

(And I don't want any worthy suggestions about world hunger and scholarship programmes. That stuff is all assumed. I want the fun, stupid stuff you could have just because you were rich enough.)

I’d have more donkeys than you could shake a stick at
Well I think it's very cruel to rescue poor neglected donkeys then upset them by shaking sticks at them

-Daily blowdry
-personal trainer

• housekeeper/chef who will cook delicious healthy meals OR shop/prep things and lay ingredients out in little bowls like on a cookery show, so I can do all the nice pleasurable bits of cooking without the drudgery.
• new socks/tights every time (the old ones can go to a good cause somehow since this is fantasy land)
• all shoes custom made - I have stupid shaped feet and I hardly ever find any that are comfy and well fitting never mind attractive

Flowers all around the house, delivered and arranged and replaced every week by florists.
Will never do my own hair again.
All the dogs in the world
A boat moored in Ibiza

Actually those aren't ridiculous at all haha

Going on holiday to paces that are isolated enough to be inpractical for normal holiday making.
Siwa Oasis 800 miles from the nearest town in Egypt
Madagascar
Taking my specially adapted yacht to the antarctic.

I love these. Suddenly it’s not so hard to see why the rest of us think billionaires are removed from reality.

Warming to my theme now:

No DC in our family or in any of my children’s current classes will be paying for university. That’ll be on us.

Ed Sheehan will ring me at 8am to do my alarm call. Until I tire of Ed and replace him.

I will have a sort of tanning booth in the yacht that applies sun tan lotion evenly to me and all the kids.

See those giant diamond earrings that last week with no money you thought vulgar? Got em

Omg yes to the daily new socks and tights . I'd even extend that to new underwear.

I would pay a private hairdresser to do a hair wash and blow dry for me every morning. I love having my hair washed at the hairdressers, I always think this there and how relaxing it would be in the early morning!

I would recruit a huge team of people to travel around the country planting spring and summer bulbs in all the villages/towns across the country, to make all places beautiful and cheerful.

Someone in Devon left lots of money to their local council to do this in their town, and I thought it was a wonderfully genius idea.

My first thought was my own secret Batcave. No, not Batcave. Looks a bit grim. And chilly.

I'd buy or build, somewhere secluded, utterly luxurious and absolutely top secret.

I'd then fill it with the world's most decadent and expensive sex toys, gin and chocolate.

Dammit how could I have been so busy thinking about socks and tights that I forgot about a sex gin and chocolate cave???

YY to daily Personal trainer. I’d get ripped!

Someone to follow me around and every time I reach for some chocolate; they will shower me in compliments to boost my ego so I don’t want the chocolate any more

A massive, beautiful garden with acres and acres of wildflowers, a massive pond, and other wildlife friendly habitats. Also with a section for growing my own food. I’d like to be able to potter and do bits of gardening but i’d also have a massive team of gardeners and groundskeepers for when I can’t be arsed.

Being massively extravagant with my friends by buying them lovely houses. The ones that are worrying about IVF? Boom, i’d pay for as many rounds as they wanted, with all the recommended supporting therapies. Maybe a bit on the ‘philanthrooic’ side but also very selfish because it means I could call them up any time and be like “fancy an Antarctic adventure?” And they wouldn’t be tied down by work or anything so could come with me

I’d do those random things you sometimes hear about like hiding £50 notes around towns and creating a scavenger hunt on Twitter.

I’m not massively into clothes, but I would like a wardrobe of really decent, hard wearing clothes for all occasions that are perfectly tailored to fit.

But mainly i’d love just giving it away. As long as I had enough sensibly invested to see my family and friends secure and I didn’t piss it all up the wall; I would absolutely LOVE setting up a foundation to do some real good on a massive scale such as Bill Gates does. I’d also love going to ‘ordinary restaurants’ and just leaving extravagant tips then running away to hide somewhere I can see the looks on their faces when they realise. I’d spend so much time with food banks, women’s aid, environmental, and so many other charities figuring out what would make a big difference and just buying it for them. I’d donate to the big ones but also I think that big donations to small, local charities would have so much of an impact for what would actually be a relatively small donation.

Yes, it’s a ‘do-good’ thing but I would get SO much satisfaction from it.

Diamond tiaras. I would have loads of diamond tiaras for every occasion, ie answering the door, going to the loo, cleaning my teeth.

I would pay someone to wear in Doc Marten boots for me. Love them but can't wear them because of my delicate stupid feet.

Looking at all this it appears that being a billionaire is terrible for the environment. I’d need to set up some sort of charity to offset my carbon footprint from my travelling adventures

@daphine2004

I’d buy Greenland.

Take a case full of money (notes obvs) to the top of the eiffel tower and scatter it into the wind. I'd enjoy seeing people getting a nice surprise of raining bank notes.

Fresh washed and ironed sheets every day
Someone to wash and style my hair every morning
Full body massage every night

Lee Evans and Jessie J

I would private hire them both for an evening of performances and have a little party just for me and my family.

Private chef

And I would hire a someone else to do all the school and club runs for the DC.

I'd need a private island really. I'd like a slide from my bedroom to my beautiful warm swimming pool. I'd like a nutritionist, health team and personal trainer to make me a healthy weight with zero effort or deprivation. I'll lie down and watch TV as they exercise me.

I'd like a machine that washes, dries and dresses me. I walk in, stand still and emerge 5 seconds later ready to face the day.

I'd like to rescue all donkeys and all Jack Russells. I'm going to need a dog training team.

I'd employ someone to come on holiday with me to Australia to check for spiders everywhere I go. The only thing stopping me from going is the fear of a massive spider encounter!

Someone to trim the tops of the trees in the woods outside my house as they've started to grow tall enough to block out the late evening sun (but I'd plant more slower growing oak trees nearby to compensate 🤣)

Pay Boris Johnson enough money to go away for a very long time!

Learn how to cook the perfect steak, and have my arteries cleaned out of all the cholesterol that overeating of rib eye steak may cause.

No one must ever disagree with me, i may become a megalomaniac but that's fine. I have a private island.

I'd buy two dozen goats and become a crazy goat lady.

I'd have a garage full of great cars.
And a helicopter.
Plus a private fully equiped lab to research whatever I'd fancy. Screw grants. I'd pop in every week to see how things were going.

I'd start my own Van Gogh museum private gallery.

I'd like to buy Tom Berenger and wind the clock back to 1987 when he was super hot. Then we'd act out my favourite films together. How happy he'd be!

NotQuiteUsual, like this?

www.popularyoutube.com/video/j2b-wTJ8x3E/Not-the-Nine-OClock-News---Toilets-sketch-in-full/

I would work out my notice in my job and take the opportunity to finally be honest with the minority of customers and colleagues who are rude/entitled/petty etc.

I would create a big tropical garden under glass with its own beach and a thatched bamboo hut. A bit like a cross between Center Parcs and the Eden Project.

I would also like to buy a couple of lovely holiday homes in Cornwall as investments, but let them out for free to families who could really do with a holiday, but can’t afford one.

Ooh how could I forget about cars?!?

Teslas, Aston Martins, Land Rovers... the possibilities!