*trigger warning* Domestic Violence- can I report it without reporting to the police? [pic included]

[reportingtopolice]

I'm a regular poster- fuck off Daily Mail journos.

Me and my husband had a row last night (he was drunk and being sick, I'd been up all night with eldest daughter who had been unwell and I was angry he'd gone out with a friend who has said some nasty things about me recently that husband didn't even attempt to stick up for me on.

He snapped and put his hands round my neck. Our eldest (11) heard me shout and came in to see it happen shouting "get off mum". I drove him to his mum's about two miles away at half three this morning as he was trying to drive himself and I was worried he'd kill someone- he spent the whole drive telling me it was my fault he'd snapped. I will not take him back.

I know I need to report this but I don't want him convicted and I don't want social services intervention (reasons related to my job). Is there anywhere else I can report it to?

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, where I work (I'm not a social worker or teacher but I have involvement) the threshold is really very very high for you to be given any real level of social work involvement, and to be honest getting assigned a social worker only seems to happen in really serious situations. It's terrible, but there isn't the capacity.

So it's very unlikely you will have social workers breathing down your neck or anything, they might call you and that's probably about it.

Good on you for reporting him, you have been a great parent to your daughter here.

Log it with the police, please, the police can help but you need to take the step then do everything they say. Tell them you fear for your life, don't be ashamed or embarrassed, it's a fatal mistake. Go to the police, get someone to go with you, if you have absolutely nobody then can someone on MN local to op assist? Don't give out any details here on public forum, but perhaps an admin can assist. You need to go to the police, please! I've had too much experience of bad things happening from women who didn't go to police or did but then got back with the guy.

Sorry missed a post, well done for reporting him!

Oh I am so sorry. You are doing exactly the right things. I know the shame is sickening but it really does belong to him, not you. You deserve love and support, please don’t be stopped from asking for it. Sending and un-mumsnetty hugs x

I'm so sorry OP, good on you for reporting this.

Well done OP. Let's hope he stays away

Dowser, Thanks so much for that info. Hoping to be there myself on 26/10. Will now be able to get in touch with the representative from that map you put on. x

Hopefully he'll be arrested and given bail conditions for 28 days which will give you breathing space.
In fact your work don't need to be informed unless children's services deem it meets the threshold for child protection which if you take steps to separate and keep him out, it will not.
While he's out of the house (hopefully on bail) you can look into legal options such as an occupation order on the house.

Oh love
I know how hard reporting this has been, can I offer a hand hold for when you talk to the police?

I’ve been there, let all of the embarrassment and blame lie firmly with him where it belongs. Use the people around you that care to help you through the next few days/weeks.

You’ve got this and we’re all here right beside you.

Thank you Dowser

The world has indeed gone mad.

He has been arrested

It's what needed to happen OP your doing the right thing for you and your dc I know it's hard but stay strong he could of killed you.

Thay s good.
He deserves to be arrested
Do seek support for you and dc to talk to someone
Take it one step at time

You've done the right thing.

And please don't worry about your children's school. I'm a teacher and if I had that as an update I would only want to do my best for that child/mother and just make sure they were supported! Also if your boss is in a role like you are describing they should know what they are doing.

There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of!

I'm glad to hear you have both your Mum and MiLs support xx

I think you’ve done the right thing. Better to be open then your daughter will feel she can talk about it openly as well (if she needs to e.g with school staff).

As he should be lass.

Handhold continues.

I’m sorry Op I’m sure despite everything you will be feeling like crap but you have absolutely done the right thing.
I’m glad you have lots of support 😘

You've done the right thing. He broke the law, and he needs to face the consequences. Please stay safe.

OP how are you doing?

RUOK?

@reportingtopolice how are you?

Hi, I am OK. I went to work today and have just got home. His car is still on the drive. The police has applied to the court for an order that says he is not allowed to come back to the property or contact me for 28 days.

DD is tearful today that Daddy isn't here. I know how she feels

@reportingtopolice don't feel upset he isn't there. He attacked you. Look at the picture to remind you when you have a wobble and miss him. Partners who attack their partner by the throat are at more higher risk of causing serious harm or even death if they stay together. There is a statistic but I couldn't find it

You and dc will be fine
You can get counselling support ask gp
Just carry on take dc out do some nice things picnics in the park...
The simple truth .."daddy hurt mummy so needs some time out. "
Tell her you will arrange for her to see him in a couple of weeks...you can get supervised contact arranged thru SS or a relative or friend

Oh she is 11 and witnessed so you can be more explicit
That it s never ok to hurt someone like that
Let her ask questions and answer honestly .
Eg will he go to prison?
Answer I dont know. Police will decide if it goes to court.