Really really struggling with newborn. Don't think I'm cut out for this

[Nobhobs]

He just won't stop crying and fussing and fighting sleep. I'm trying to breastfeed but he feeds so regularly I can't keep up I'm totally exhausted. Tried pumping but it's so much work and he feeds so regularly it's hard to find time to do it. My pump isn't handsfree and the second I seem to start he wakes up screaming and I need to stop and hold him. He's got really bad acid reflux and is on ranitidine and gaviscon but he's still sick constantly. I just need some fucking sleep and it's got to the point I really am starting to fall apart. On a good day where I've had some sleep and he's being cooperating I'm happy and love being a mum but so so so many days are hell and I'm running on 4 hours of (broken) sleep every night and 15 minute cat naps here and there before he wakes up screaming again. I cannot do this every day

I would agree with the pps saying why are you pumping? Is it to administer the gaviscon? Because I found that ridiculous. Maybe go back to gp and stop the gaviscon as it can make babies so uncomfortable with constipation. Maybe the ranitidine needs to be upped or another medicine tried as this obviously isn't working (depending on how long you've been using it and ranitidine dosage is weight sensitive so needs to be upped as baby grows) Remember a reflux baby feeds way more to ease the pain they are in. Just accept that you will be feeding a lot (stop pumping) and sleep in between. My baby was exactly the same, he's 14 weeks now and completely different. Sounds like your husband is doing a lot so I don't get pps who are asking why he isn't doing more....

It honestly does get better op.
You are doing well.

I hope you’re asleep, OP.

Oh op, mines the same age, I introduced mix feeding at 3 weeks because I couldn't keep up, and after he had emptied my breasts he would still be hungry. I also had a few issues with engorgement in the first week, where even the midwife couldn't get milk out of me when he had his heel prick done.

I pump now after every feed (every 3 hours) and after tracking and talking to the health visitor I'm producing half of what he wants, so introducing formula for every other feed worked for me. As pps have said, I would seriously consider trying it, if only for your sanity as much as anything.

I've found that having bottles of breast milk and formula prepared means that when my dp gets home from work he takes over and does the evening feeds and nappy changes

Also, both sets of parents have taken him out of the house a couple of times, we're really lucky that our parents are close by and we can call on them if we need support. Do you have anyone like that who you would trust to take him off your hands for a couple of hours with a bottle or 2, just to give you a chance to get more than an hours sleep?

I FF but my ds was like your baby, screaming every time I put him down, I got to the stage I was hallucinating because I was dead on my feet. The only thing I found was that he didn't like being put down in his carrycot or cot, he wanted to be able to see what was going on. I ended up from about a week old putting him in his bouncy chair wherever I was, he even slept in it during the day & if I was having a bad night with him, I even put him in his chair inside his cot. By about 10 weeks old I used to put him in his high chair when I was in the kitchen, it was one that reclined but it meant that he could see where I was, I could talk to him whilst I was cooking or preparing meals, he never slept as much as I thought a newborn would. Do whatever you have to to get him settled so you can get some sleep.

My ds was like this found out months later he had a upper lip tie so wasn't feeding effectively.

Have you checked his tongue and lip x

Hi op! This is a super tough phase ... could you try to get hubby to hold the baby for a couple of hours before his bed time while you sleep and for a couple of hours in the morning before he works while you sleep ... or if you can’t get little one off your boob ask if he can keep an eye on you both while you breast feed in bed ( and you sleep while baby feeds?)

It does get easier , but that’s of little help now try infracol if you think it’s discomfort due to wind ( can make reflux worse )

Your doing amazingly and if you can keep up with breast feeding well bloody done.

I couldn’t do it it was one of the toughest things I have ever tried to do, sleep deprivation is cruel ... but you need help even on work days where you can, your doing an amazing job.

Will people STOP advising to give formula it is not going to help!!! If she wants to breastfeed there are other ways of working through it!!

It does help though. I actually think it is this all or nothing breastfeeding advice that makes people give up all together.

Some babies are more demanding to breastfeed than others. My first was super easy, quick feeds and long ish gaps in between them. No need for mixed feeding, smugly ebf acing motherhood. Although when I went back to work I switched to formula, I might have carried on breastfeeding if mixed feeding was more encouraged. Second breastfed forever and seeing as I liked to sleep and didn’t want to spend the first months of her life utterly exhausted and miserable, I mixed fed. Still going strong at 9 months. I know many people still mixed feeding well past the year mark.

Yes, we all understand about breastfeeding supply and demand and the slippery slope argument. Although most of us capable of nuanced thought are able to mix in some formula and still maintain breastfeeding, it’s all about balancing and being sensible in your approach. Having one formula feed a day and getting a decent stretch of sleep without pumping is a life saver for an exhausted mother and a damn sight more helpful than the co sleeping advice you so often see on here.

Just here with this for you OP: . It gets better, promise.

I honestly don't know why people insist on BF mothers that this is normal. The baby is feeding hourly, OP is shattered and at breaking point and some posters are telling her to BF more regularly? I'm from a society where everyone BF, but a woman going through this would be encouraged to offer a formula feed to see if it helps. Most women still BF until baby is 2. The UK advocates an all or nothing approach which is a main factor in the very low rate of BF IMO. Totally up to the OP obviously but sometimes we are made to feel as if giving a FF is something of a failure so just backing up what others are saying about giving formula a try.

PlatoAtMy I couldn't agree more. I say that as a mother of 3 who tried EVERYTHING to ebf. A couple of times it very nearly tipped me into pnd as well. I found that when struggling I asked for help - the ideas were great - what was not great was the people who insisted to stick at it and to steer clear of formula. It made me feel like I had no choice and would be judged if I didn't stick at it or couldn't do it. I'm now happily mixed feeding my third at 10mo.

I wish we could just all support each other when it came to bf. It can be bloody hard for some people
and unless you've been there then you don't know. When I was holding baby all the time and then when she would be put down, expressing because my supply just wasn't where it should be, and then baby would wake up for another feed and repeat 24 hours a day (when you have 2 other children to look after) to the point that I was hallucinating and I wasn't safe with my children, the last thing I needed (but got) was someone saying "stick with it, it'll get better". All it does it serve to make you feel like an utter failure.

OP, if you want to then mixed feed. It can be brilliant. However if you want to stick with it then start by cutting dairy out (oatly is one of the best milk substitutes) and make an appointment to see a lactation consultant who will support any problems and can diagnose a tongue tie. You can always reintroduce dairy at a later point (takes 6 weeks to be out of both of your systems).

Good luck OP. Whatever you do, do what you need to do.

It's more important to have a happy healthy Mum than to breastfeed. Try mixed feeding. It's not the end of the world if they have a bottle. Your DH can help out and you can get some rest. It's NOT a given that babies cry all the time. Mine didn't cry like this.

My dc were both like this so I feel for you. It was the hardest time if my life.

My advice would be to go to sleep the second your dh takes over at 6, leave all other jobs. Try to get a stint of a few hours sleep then. Also work put how you can get extra sleep at weekends when he is around.

The other thing that saved me was co-sleeping.

Op I'd stop expressing if I were you.
With my first I thought it's what one was supposed to do. But it totally messed up my supply.
Stop expressing and try and get back into the babies routine. They do go through growth spurt phases and feed more but it should settle down.
Try not to fight him, let him lead.
I found a Co sleeper cot to be life saver.
Don't feel bad if you want to give up and start bottle feeding him.

Good post cardamon, interesting that your culture does both and for longer, sounds perfect and takes that pressure off.

Gobbolinocat many women EBF but if there are struggles there isn't the same stigma on giving a FF that there appears to be in the UK. I had my DC here (UK) and by day 4 I was ready to top myself. DD was feeding constantly, I had a crack in my nipple that was bleeding but DD would scream if I took her off the breast. I was fantisizing about her being abducted from the ward due to sleep deprivation. The midwives said this was normal and to get my BF established I had to feed more regularly and could not give a bottle under any circumstance until 6 weeks as this would confuse the baby. My DM forced me to give a bottle at 12 days and I have never cried so much relief. I'm not exaggerating when I say that those 12 days caused so much trauma, so I hate when women tell others 'it's completely normal'.