Really really struggling with newborn. Don't think I'm cut out for this

[Nobhobs]

He just won't stop crying and fussing and fighting sleep. I'm trying to breastfeed but he feeds so regularly I can't keep up I'm totally exhausted. Tried pumping but it's so much work and he feeds so regularly it's hard to find time to do it. My pump isn't handsfree and the second I seem to start he wakes up screaming and I need to stop and hold him. He's got really bad acid reflux and is on ranitidine and gaviscon but he's still sick constantly. I just need some fucking sleep and it's got to the point I really am starting to fall apart. On a good day where I've had some sleep and he's being cooperating I'm happy and love being a mum but so so so many days are hell and I'm running on 4 hours of (broken) sleep every night and 15 minute cat naps here and there before he wakes up screaming again. I cannot do this every day

It's HARD. But it does get better.

Definitely get baby checked for tongue tie, by someone who knows what they're looking for. Normal HV/MW aren't qualified. You need a feeding specialist HV or lactation consultant. Look for your local breastfeeding group on Facebook, they will be able to point you in the right direction. Your MW/HV should also be able to give you the information if you're not a FB user.

5/6 weeks is really hard, they're having a mental grow as well as a physical one. Be kind to yourself, you are doing so well! It will pass and congratulations!

Much of parenting is mundane and shit. I get it OP, I do. But I promise you it WILL get better

I’m sorry things are so hard at the moment. My son had reflux and it was really hard in those early weeks but luckily ranitidine worked really well for him. As your baby is already on ranitidine and gaviscon but is still really upset, I too would suggest you give up dairy too see if this helps.

Where are you based? Is there a breastfeeding cafe near you? I loved going there as there were lots of mothers going through similar things who you could talk too whilst lovely volunteers got you tea and cake.

As a previous poster said, newborns are hard work but they shouldn’t be crying all the time. Could you talk to your gp or health visitor about it?

It's ok. I bloody hate babies! Adore my 3.5yo and 20month Old. It's a different world to where you are now. Consider combi feeding, meet babies needs but otherwise prioritise yourself. You'll get there. This is the shit bit

You can do this and it will get easier.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to read the entire thread as I'm about to go to sleep but I wanted to share some things that helped me, just in case they help you, sorry if they have already been mentioned.

• Get yourself a pumping bra (I have the Medela one, but there are others on amazon) which is great for handsfree pumping
• Get yourself a haaka or naturebond to collect milk from the other side but be aware that any kind of pumping will increase your supply.
• Join some Facebook groups for help with breastfeeding and other stuff (UK breastfeeding support & Breastfeeding guidance and support UK are good)
• If you can afford it consider seeing a lactation consultant. If not then some local groups may have one there depending on where you live
• Get the wonderweeks app so you can see when you're in a leap

My DD has reflux and is on meds too. I have to wind her before each feed, during every pause and for a while afterwards. Upon investigation we discovered it was party due to tongue tie. Also whenever I eat certain foods (dairy, soya, citrus) she becomes really fussy.

When she's feeding a lot I'll just lie down and feed her on the bed on our sides, which is much easier Also as a general note the Huckleberry app was really useful for timing naps and the my brest friend feeding pillow was amazing during cluster feeding.

You got this

I have a nearly 6 week old and finding it tough. Im bottle feeding but its still relentless, he's eating a lot and will fight sleep for hours he didnt nap for 7 hours today! Im exhausted...I do have a 5 year old as well so remember this stage so I am not feeling as stressed as I was last time as I know this is the hardest bit and things will hopefully get easier around the 8 week mark Hang in there...

I so sympathise! It's awful when they're refluxy and won't sleep; and the lack of sleep really catches up with you. Could you give him a formula feed (I used an Aptamil Anti Reflux formula which really helped my refluxy baby). Go back to the GP or ask for a phone consultation and explain everything - they can possibly up the ranitidine dose or try something else (referral to hospital reflux specialist). You could try a low dairy diet in case it helps, and mine took a dummy which made him happier. It DOES get better!!! Every day he's growing and his tummy is getting stronger and better able to cope, poor little mite. Loads of luck to you, hang in there! And lean on the GP and the health visitor (and Mumsnet!) for advice

It feels like such a long time when you're in the newborn bit but it wont be like it forever! I found the first few months tough with ebf ds2. My turning point was deciding to eat dinner with the kids then co sleep with ds2 (rather than having to settle him every 2 mins). Oh, and a now tv subscription so i could watch a Handsmaid Tale. He's now coming up to a year, i still co sleep but have my evenings back.

Ps I found there's sweet turning point with breastfeeding where it became easier. Having my nearly one year old toddle over to me and sit on my lap for a cuddle and some milk makes it all seem really worth it

Start mix feeding or bottle feeding. It’s so much easier. Purely because other people can help and it’s not all
on you. Get yourself to bed with some earplugs and leave your OH to it for the night. You’re exhausted & you need rest. I have two perfect healthy bright DC formula fed from day 1. Zero difference between them and their breastfed peers. I think the benefits of breastfeeding are vastly confused with the benefits of children having engaged, educated, interested parents who are generally those who try to breastfeed. You’ve done so well to keep going this far. Give yourself a break

One day at a time OP. Combination feeding saved my sanity in the early days as it meant I could get the odd 3-hour block of sleep. I won't repeat what others have advised but I agree with all PPs who have said it gets easier! Have faith - you will get your life back. At 7 months my DD is now sleeping properly and I get 8 hours a night. It will happen for you too.

How is little ones poo? Gaviscon gave my youngest constipation. If baby stomach is hard get medical treatment asap. It is hard when baby is ill and you are desperate for help. If your dh can't help at night, can he do early moring or evening? Any sleep is better than no sleep. Do your one sleep well in his car seat? I even called my dbro a few times asking him to drive ds around in the car while I slept. Dh did that to. But you can give any willing and responsible adult your baby and ask them to drive baby around if it helps baby sleeps better.

With DS1 I was totally unprepared for how often he would want to bf so mix fed from about 3 weeks. With DS2 I was much more aware that constant feeding is normal.
If you want to keep bf, my advice would be to make sure you have water, snacks and a good box set and just follow baby's lead.
I would describe DS2 as a grumpy baby, cried a lot if not feeding, hated the pushchair/highchair/anyone but me holing him but he is a wonderful, cheerful and friendly 4 year old now. It does get better.

This sound like my youngest and it turned out to be CMPA.

Some of his other symptoms were mucous in nappies. Eczema. Sticky eye. Skin rashes. Poor weight gain.

Maybe worth speaking to your hv or gp about if he has any symptoms.

If you introduced formula then you'd have more dishes to do.

It's so tough at the the beginning but worth sticking with ebf in my opinion.

I hated the first few week with newborn and remember the sleep deprivation. Torture!

My babies didn't have reflux but my eldest had colic and cried from 6pm til midnight every night for weeks. It was tough. I did a tight swaddle,dummy and white noise to get through it.

Best of luck to you OP.

How's things op??

Just wanted to send a message of support . To echo other posters it sounds like CMPA. I would go to GP and ask for advice . They can give you other medications as well for reflux . My little one went through this. I know how hard going it is . My baby was miserable with her allergy which was initially seen as just reflux. Also ask your health visitor for support. Mine was amazing .

Just to echo others it could be CMPA, it changed my life when I stopped eating dairy and ds slept for more than 30 mins at a time. If it is cmpa formula will make it significantly worse ( I was forced to top up ds with formula at the beginning and it really didn’t help). You can get special formula if required
Expressing didn’t work for me as no much came out.
Have you tried a dummy? Can help with the comfort sucking and give you a bit of a break.
It does all get much easier soon

@Nobhobs I don't want to read and run however literally the first few words you said about the crying I can totally hand hold and sympathise with you! DD2 is also 5 weeks and the past week or so if she's not being held or in a deep sleep that I'm able to put her down she crying to be held! It's hard work when there's job that need doing or running around after a toddler too! But I have heard from 6 weeks onwards it's meant to improve. Is bf satisfying your LO? Do you think he's drinking enough at feeds? Or is drinking and crying because of the pain he's experiencing. Poor little guy it will ease and improve I promise. Take all the help you can get tho xx

Yanbu I did not enjoy the newborn stage and I wasn’t contending with reflux - just an averagely fussy and colicky baby that seemed to be crying whenever she wasn’t sleeping.
Bfeeding did not go well for me and switching to ff seemed to help things a bit, but basically I only started enjoying them from about 10 weeks.
It seems never ending when you’re in it but afterwards it seems very fleeting.
I really didn’t enjoy it but weirdly had 3 dc!

OP I feel for you. The first few months are hell, especially if you’re bf because the full burden is on you. When my baby was six weeks old I tried to get social services to take him away because I was so tired I couldn’t cope. I was hallucinating and passing out and having hysterical crying fits. Looking back I was obviously having a breakdown. You need as much help as you can get from friends and family. Feed the baby and do nothing else. Stuff the housework and laundry - just feed and sleep. Get someone to hand you the baby for a feed then take him away.

Pumping didn’t work for me. I wasted time and effort sterilising and pumping, only to be woken by crying and full boobs anyway. I figured if I’m awake I might as well bf. Co-sleeping was a lifesaver - I put a mattress on the floor and lay in the middle with the baby, fed him to sleep then dozed off.

Aww hugs OP. I have an almost 9 month old reflux baby who wasn't diagnosed until 6 months. Don't listen to people who tell you it's normal for a baby to cry constantly, especially after feeding. Since bubs is medicated obviously something else is still going on. Agree with everyone, it could be a cow's milk protein allergy, and giving regular formula to a baby with CMPA won't help bub at all.

Check their poop for mucus, if you don't know what to look for take a photo of the nappy and show your GP or a lactation consultant.

It is so so hard when your baby is upset all the time and people telling you "this is just motherhood" can f**k right off because it isn't helpful to you at this time.

This was me 3 weeks ago with my 6 week old. He has reflux, colic and cmpa. He wouldn’t be put down, wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in my arms, cried constantly and was generally hard work. It came to a head after the third night of no sleep that I seriously considered walking out and leaving him with someone as I couldn’t physically do it.
My advice is through all advice out the window and do what you need to to sleep. During the day I have slept with him in my chest upright, we have conslept which has helped and invested in a sling.
Like other people have said have you considered mix feeding? Also may be worth asking about milk allergy too as the change in milk has also helped my DS massively.
Ask for help- get someone to take him out for a couple of hours if you can. It doesn’t seem like it now but you can do this x