Really really struggling with newborn. Don't think I'm cut out for this

[Nobhobs]

He just won't stop crying and fussing and fighting sleep. I'm trying to breastfeed but he feeds so regularly I can't keep up I'm totally exhausted. Tried pumping but it's so much work and he feeds so regularly it's hard to find time to do it. My pump isn't handsfree and the second I seem to start he wakes up screaming and I need to stop and hold him. He's got really bad acid reflux and is on ranitidine and gaviscon but he's still sick constantly. I just need some fucking sleep and it's got to the point I really am starting to fall apart. On a good day where I've had some sleep and he's being cooperating I'm happy and love being a mum but so so so many days are hell and I'm running on 4 hours of (broken) sleep every night and 15 minute cat naps here and there before he wakes up screaming again. I cannot do this every day

It is exhausting and I totally sympathise. I am not sure why you are pumping, if you don't have to I wouldn't complicate life. I had one of these and can tell you that it isn't your fault in any way. Do nothing but look after yourself and your baby. This includes sticking them in the sling or pram and going out for walks but otherwise sitting on sofa or lying in bed feeding as needed and just go one day at a time. In your situation if I was desperate for a break I might ask my partner to give a late night formula feed on occasion rather than often. It really does get better.

@Skittlenommer Why are you so bloody unhelpful?

I agree with others OP, is there a reason you are not using formula as well. Why isn't your husband doing more?

At 5 weeks you sleep when baby sleeps! Is this your first OP?? I would dissolve yourself if all other responsibilities if it is! Maybe get dh to cook and never mind laundry etc. you just sit on the couch and feed and watch tv. Have a big jug of water and snacks beside you to keep you going! Porridge is good for your milk production as is fenugreek. As my mum said to me “sit under that baby and don’t move” 😂😂 this too shall pass!! Don’t introduce formula it’s NOT the answer as you still need to make the bottle, sterilize it etc etc and it does not guarantee more sleep!!! Keep going u are going great!!

It's not normal for a baby to scream constantly every single hour it's awake - don't let anyone tell you that this is normal and you somehow just need to just deal with it. Babies cry for a reason - like a few posters have mentioned above it sounds like CMPA - try cutting dairy from your diet and see if things improve.

It makes me so angry when people come out with this patronising crap - yes, newborns are hard, but not this hard.

@Skittlenommer that's really helpful, thanks for contributing

OP if baby is screaming almost constantly I would try eliminating dairy for a while and see if that has any impact. Expressing is bloody tough, and mixed feeding can be successful. Dd had one bottle of formula a day until we started weaning at 6 months (like I intended to originally for any naysayers).

Hang in there, you have got through the worst bit. About 6 weeks something clicks in my experience, they feed more efficiently, sleep better and we get more confident. It's probably partly because their neck control is getting better etc but it was the same with both of mine. You don't realise it at the time but by 3 months you can't work out why you were struggling. My advice to get through it is to get out a bit, even a walk, talk to real humans, sitting worrying at home made me feel worse.

Will people STOP advising to give formula it is not going to help!!! If she wants to breastfeed there are other ways of working through it!!

I could have wrote this post. Have you tried wearing him in a sling, keeping him upright should help with the acid reflux, and having him close to you may keep him calmer and happier? We propped our DD up with a wedge under her mattress to help with the reflux, and swaddled her til 4/5 months to help with sleep issues, it was relentless though! I didn't think it was possible to be so exhausted in the first couple of months! I accepted any and all help from friends/family, especially those who are Mums themselves, made me feel better that they'd been through it an come out the other side!

This too shall pass

Another saying ask about a possible dairy allergy. Your baby sounds just like my dd was and she was diagnosed at 4 weeks, and literally overnight she was a different baby.

Good luck

Yeah I remember this bit of motherhood. I think I did nothing but cry out of sheer exhaustion and frustration for the first 8 or so weeks. It does get better.

Op I would t necessarily start on formula yet- (I’m not anti formula by any means, I mixed fed after a few months) - but I would definitely give up expressing. Bloody hell breastfeeding was relentless enough, last thing I wanted to do when I wasn’t feeding was pump! Just know this passes and be kind to yourself, rest and eat is all you need do

Oh your poor thing!

It is so so hard. But you can get through it. I promise, this too shall pass. I found the first few months so difficult. I breastfed which was a choice but it did not come easily to me and dd- it was a huge effort and commitment, especially the first few months before solids.

Try to stay as calm as you can - this is just a phase. Get as much help as you can. Be kind to yourself. Take shortcuts wherever possible - food orders, let housekeeping slip a bit, ask Dh to help more, prioritise sleep whenever you can. Try to eat well and drink lots of water.

Go to gp about wind if it doesn't improve. I wish I had done that more/asked for more help.

Keep posting here for support.

My dd is a teen now. The first 6 months were the hardest. She was a dream after that - even as toddler. Things will improve.

I didn't breastfeed (except for 2 days of pure hell) and it was the best decision I made. Mentally and physically I was able to have a break by allowing others to give a bottle.

There is SO much emphasise on breastfeeding and I really don't think 'breast is best' for all. For me it would have completing broken me and I would have hated mother hood.

Perhaps give it some thought to mix feeding? Or exclusively bottle feed? If he suffers from bad reflux then there are anti reflux formulas that really help.

Also get baby Checked for tongue tie??

My DS was the same, gaviscon & ranitidine didn’t stop the puking & I was so sleep deprived I have no idea how I kept going.
I gave up dairy & he was so much better within a week & the sickness virtually stopped.

Set up camp in your bed so you can sleep whenever you can & go back to GP or HV if things don’t improve.

Can you feed lying down OP if not try to learn as then you can safely lie in bed together following co-sleeping guidelines and you can nap when he falls asleep really easily. Even if you want to put him in a cot at night you can do this during the day and part of the night if you get tired of getting up.
Also learning to feed him in a sling so you can move about and do a few things.
Personally I wouldn't pump just try to breastfeed on demand and find ways to make that easier on you.

Is the baby gaining weight? Are your nipples sore? Why are you expressing? I think that can make it harder sometimes- if you’re not feeding you're expressing so you never even get 5 minutes.(Sorry for the interrogation!)

While it won’t hurt to give him some formula, I really understand if you don’t want to. Some people find it helpful to say “I’ll just do one more day”. They change so much at this age that sometimes one more day is all you need to move on to the next phase.

Please go to your GP. Your baby needs to be checked for CMPA.

Don't feel bad for stopping breast feeding and giving bottles. I tried breast feeding my first two and nearly had a breakdown third I decided to go straight to bottles and she was so easy compared to my others. I could see what she was having and just felt more relaxed myself. Fed is best so if you want to go for it and let someone else feed bubba a few times so you can get a decent break. Our fourth is an adopted baby, bottle fed and is happy and content - milk allergy diagnosed after 5 weeks of crying and tummy aches and now she's on dairy free neocate milk she's such a happy baby. I get a lay in every Saturday morning after hubby feeds her and takes her for a morning walk x

Have you got a sling? In the stretchy wrap my refluxy baby was happy as he was upright and I could get out and about or just eat some lunch without the screaming.

Hi a fed baby is a content baby absolutely do what suits you x do NOT be pressured either way xx it does get better one day they don't sleep then they don't want to get up!Out if bed!!Your a good mum you are doing your best be gentle on yourself xx

I could have written your post two years ago.

I’m not going to add to the advice already given, as you will choose your own approach according to your needs/desires, but I will say IT GETS BETTER! For us, it was my daughter learning to sit up, which made her less scream-y from the pain of reflux, and gave me the chance to get a bit of my life back. Reflux was completely gone by 10 months, fortunately, and my screaming grumpy whingebag is now a brilliant (and exhausting) toddler.

YOU'RE DOING BRILLIANTLY! It's hard in the beginning but it does get easier. My DD barely slept and fed constantly. I was EBF so my husband did what he could but it was mostly on me and at times I cried with tiredness and frustration. Seek help with breastfeeding from your health visitor or local breastfeeding support service - Home Start were a great help to me. Check in with your health visitor if you're bothered about babies weight. Keep telling yourself it's just a phase and it won't be like this all the time. Look after yourself and be kind to yourself - being a mother is tough but YOU'RE DOING BRILLIANTLY

I have been there op with my dd and it's absolute hell.

I think they have a growth spur at 5 or 6 weeks. Might be why he wants to eat do much. Hang in there you're doing great. And it's not for ever; this too shall pass.

Does he have his 6 weeks check up soon with the GP? You could check with the GP then (or sooner if you want) if everything is ok.