Can a child know they’re gay at 9?

[Tweetingmagpie]

My daughter told me today she’s a lesbian and she has a crush on a girl at school.

She’s only 9! Is it possible to know this early? Or could it be that she just does t like boys yet and just really loves her friend and is confused for some reason?

I don’t care if she is btw, but I’m just not sure how to handle it because of her age, at the time I just said well that’s fine if you are it doesn’t matter if you like girls or boys but you’re only young and you don’t need to label yourself yet if ever, and I will always love her no matter what choices she makes in life.

This seemed to go down well and I thought I would just leave it be but she’s mentioned it a couple of times again this afternoon in an almost jokey way, and she’s told her brothers and sisters and they’ve all been talking about it.

I know she watches glee at her dads house on her laptop and I know that has a lot about gay relationships on there but I used to watch it and I don’t remember it being inappropriate? (Happy to be corrected) also this alone would t make her say she was gay would it?

She’s not the kind of child who seeks attention by saying outlandish things so i don’t think it’s for attention.

So have I handled it ok? And what do I do going forward?

At 9, I don’t think so. At 19, I’m not even sure. I was in my 30s when I discovered things about myself.

From my point of view, female sexuality (I can’t speak for men) is something that can be quite fluid throughout life.

I think you have handled this excellently.

@NotVeryMatureForAnOldLady I’m 100% with you on all of that, that’s what I’m like with mine too.

I disagree with all the people saying that you wouldn't make a thread about a 9 year old taking about hetrosexual crushes - 9 is bloody young! I'm sure some people would make a thread about it (given there are countless threads on topics like "AIBU not to let my slim child eat a second apple?" and "Am I pregnant? I haven't tested but feel a bit queasy, although that could be the takeaway" ...)

The answer is maybe. Some people really do know at that age, but others are still unsure into adulthood. I think you telling her to just see what happens and not label herself was great advice.

It's possible, I know several young men who came out at 12 ish and girls hit puberty earlier typically. Just respect her choices but also indicate that whether it's girls or boys it's a bit young for a girl/boy friend. Young people today are more fluid in their sexuality too, it's a case of do I love them rather than are they male or female, quite hard for people of my age to understand but lots of my DD's friends have had relationships with both sexes but don't even say they are bi, most by 18/20 are in opposite sex relationships now but if I was posting 2-3 years ago I would say half their female friends were gay ... We love our kids whatever, just let her know you are always there for her

Will she get picked on at school for it...
I very much doubt it. People are much more accepting of each now a days, aren’t they. Being Gay isn’t like it was years ago

Unfortunately kids still get bullied for being gay, I live in a close knit Welsh village and the language I hear in primary school kids when I'm.out and about calling each other faggots and gayboys..the parents are no better either

Having said that though my dd1 is bi and hasn't had many problems but then she's a private person and keeps herself to herself

Yes, of course, it’s also normal to have all sorts of feelings for people close to you that you are just trying to work out for yourself at that age.

I used to play “husband and wife” with my friend when I was that age and had quite strong feelings for her. I’m not gay (though actually she is).

Sometimes it’s just play and experimenting with feelings, sometimes it’s more real than that. Either way, fine, love her and support her friendships.

I think your response was great op.
I especially like the point about not feeling that we have to label ourselves
Don't overthink it.

Aw Simon I love that you had a crush on Aladdin that is so cute! ☺️

DD knew at 9, came out as gay at 13, then changed to bi at 16. Coming out was fun for her as my parents, sibling and extended family are bigoted bastards, yet DD gave zero fucks, actually told her grandparents at 14 they could accept, or lose, her. Was so proud.

From my point of view, female sexuality (I can’t speak for men) is something that can be quite fluid throughout life.

Very insightful. From my perspective, I've been gay, straight and deep-down know I'm actually bisexual but from mid-teens I've hated men, all men, and haven't pursued a same-sex relationship since then.

I had no idea my DD1 was gay until she was 19 !
In retrospect the fact she had Santana from Glee on her walls rather than any of the boys might have been a clue... but she wasn't sure of herself , tried to date boys as a younger teen but was pretty sure by 14.
She is now happily married to a beautiful (dark haired) woman

We always said to the kids when they were little, that we didn't care whether they wanted to be with boys or girls as long as they were in a loving relationship, and that that is what has happened for the elder three...youngest has autism and at 22 shows no interest in relationships.

You handled it fine Op... :)

DS told me he knew since he was 11 so it’s certainly possible.

He had actually told me then but I put it down to his classmates constantly bandying around “you’re so gay” as an insult. Talk about self-fulfilling prophecy

SimplySteveRedux that’s so sad that you hate all men. You must have a good reason for that but remember men are just people too and are not all the same x

Hugs Steve She has good enough reasons wilt so the NAMALT really isn't appropriate tbh.
Hope you are well Steve - I did nominate you for following your op but no luck as yet. Have name changed since - maybe I should renominate .

Yes, though she might feel differently when she's older.

Yes I think it's possible. I started having attractions to boys around this age so it was likely I was going to turn out straight. They were crushes but I didn't understand it at the time. So I think it's possible she knows she's gay and for you to take her seriously, but to keep an open mind as she's got a lot of growing and developing to do.

Hope you are well Steve - I did nominate you for  following your op but no luck as yet. Have name changed since - maybe I should renominate .

Aww, bless you @NotVeryMatureForAnOldLady , I'm now wondering who,you are!!

Ive always wondered about declaring yourself bi.

I had crushes on girls when I was 11/12 but through adolescence fancied boys. I've only had two major relationships in my life, both men, one being dh who I have two dc with. But then recently had a severe crush on a woman I know to the point where I've avoided seeing her because i thought my relationship might get affected. Would that make me bi? As I've had few relationships, no boyfriends when I was a young teen etc I don't feel experienced enough to be labelled bi. But maybe just never labelled myself. I think sexuality is fluid, we fall in love with who we fall in love with...

I'd avoid labelling anything, to your dd op and you've handled it well so far. What I've said to my dc from an early age is you can marry or be with anyone you want, if they love you and want to be with you too.

Hi
My daughter is 9 and has told me she has a crushes on 2 girls.
i feel she's too young but understand it's because it's a girl that I'm feel like this but if it had been a boys she had crushes on then I wouldn't question it .
I have never made her feel being gay is anything different but she is embarrassed and told me not to tell anyone. My partner is worried she's going to get bullied because she has told a few friends.

Just wondered if your daughter is still saying she's gay all these years later ?