ds just ruined my telephone interview

[stuckinthewrongbody]

Just had a telephone interview with a job i wanted so badly DS has just ruined it! i put dd in her cot to have her nap and i gave ds some snacks and his ipad.

I go sit in the back and close the door he follows me starts screaming hitting his toy gun up the door i tell her i would call her back which i did and she just didnt seem interested after.

Feeling very crap about myself dont think i will ever get back in to work at this rate.

Judging from some of the replies here, I thank my lucky stars that my company really don’t care when there’s a child popping up on a video call. Everyone just smiles understandingly and is very reassuring that it’s not a problem.

Oh OP, I really feel for you. I would have been crying with frustration. It’s not about being DS’s fault - it’s that it happened anyway. Some people on MN really have no imagination about what no support means.

FWIW it wouldn’t have put me off giving the right person a face to face interview. I wouldn’t for one second equate that cal with you not ever having childcare in place. It was one call, FGS.

The thing is I would be wondering if the person couldn't arrange childcare for an interview then what happens when the child is sick for a few days or can't get to nursery?

OP you said you're having issues with your DH, are you sure he's actually working 7 days or is he just avoiding family life (like my exH used to when he just "had" to work 7 days a week as well).

You’re already employed by your company, RedCrab, op was in the very preliminary stages of a first interview.

What does “it was one call, FGS” mean? Why would anyone assume op had childcare in place the rest of the time, but declined to use it during that “one call, FGS”?
That makes zero sense.

There will be another chance I'm sure. Stay positive and hopefully you'll get another interview soon. It is unfortunate but won't be the last time.

Red crab outwardly people may smile reassuringly but it is annoying and looks unprofessional to have kids popping up on video conferences especially if they are noisy/ distracting and the parents just think it’s cute. I’ll bet many are inwardly eye rolling. Like people that keep bringing their kids into the office and expect everyone to fawn over their cuteness. It’s really annoying having kids running around the office when you’re busy.

Was in a queue in boots the other day where a little boy around 6 was telling the cashier at the pharmacy in step by step detail about his holiday. It took forever. She was only one serving and the queue was getting bigger and bigger. People were getting really fed up but the parents? My god they were utterly oblivious and were encouraging this painstaking monologue to continue. Not cute. At all. An example of people thinking everyone else thinks their kids are marvellous too! Nope... they don’t.

@HeadintheiClouds FGS because it’s ridiculous previous posters saying they would question whether OP would have childcare in place when she was actually working! Of course she would! One call in one afternoon is not indicative in any way of her approach to work or understanding expectations of her as an employee. It was ten minutes out of her life that she took a chance on and it didn’t work out - but it’s stupid to make out like she would be flaky about childcare if she got the job.

There is a massive lack of support for women returning to work, not least by other women not being flexible enough to understand that real life happens.

And FYI it did happen to me during my telephone interview where I had several video conferences meeting the CEO/ COO/ CMO and CFO to assess my suitability. Thank fuck none of them cared! I was embarrassed and flustered but they laughed it off and reassured me it was fine.

That’s when I knew they put their money where their mouth was when they talked about being family friendly. They are extremely and but it’s a crying shame.

People really are dicks aren't they.

OP I'm sorry it didn't go well. FWIW if I was interviewing over the phone I would totally be ok with the child issue, it happens.

@Pamplemousecat they’re really, really not. I have weekly video conferences with several of the directors and many other colleagues, and we all have young children. We are based in London and SF so time zones span 8 hours. Someone’s kid always pop up on a call.

But like I say - when I interviewed there, we talked a lot of flexible working and they were very encouraging of working parents doing whatever they needed to do.

Why are all these kids popping up with such regularity? Don’t any of you have childcare?

Sods bloody Law. What a shame when he’s normally good for you. Keep your chin up OP

It’s so unprofessional having kids popping up on calls. People shouldn’t be looking after kids whilst working as it’s not fair on other colleagues who inevitably will have to pick up their slack .

DD is 10, it’s only in the last year or two I could work from home on conference calls and know it was unlikely she’d interrupt.

Yikes. DH has had daily conference calls since DD was about 2. She’s nearly 9 now and he hasn’t needed to worry about her interrupting him since she was about 6.

But why is it such a bad thing if they pop up on a call? Everyone is so relaxed about it, the child normally climbs onto the colleague’s lap, looks at the screen for a bit then climbs down. No interruption, no big deal.

Because we have an 8 hour time difference, times for calls when people are all available are either done at home in the evening or we stay late in the office. The culture is it’s preferable to do the call from home rather than be stuck at your desk - what’s wrong with that? Surely that’s a better work life balance 🤷🏻‍♀️ If I was at my desk for these calls, I’d be at work until 9pm. We’re all ex-corporate and very thankful we’re not chained into that kind of presenteeism anymore.

Perhaps because we’re all so relaxed about it, that doesn’t feed into the desperation of attention from the children. Because they have chosen the employees they want and gone for the best they can regardless of circumstances, and decided instead to accommodate all kinds of flexible working, the environment is incredibly supportive and kind.

Before this role, I would have been saying similar about it being unprofessional. Now I have been on the receiving end of such grace and understanding, and benefited from it, I am way more likely to offer the same to the right person that I wanted to work with. There needs to be a huge paradigm shift into what a working environment looks like compared to the reality of people’s lives. I am very thankful I’ve found the role I have and no longer part of a culture that makes me embarrassed to say something has cropped up and that something is children!

Red crab slightly different as you’re now describing it as outside of normal working hours. Still wouldn’t find it that cute/amusing but would tolerate with good grace if outside normal working hours and be grateful my staff were dedicated enough to take the call.

The thing is I would be wondering if the person couldn't arrange childcare for an interview then what happens when the child is sick for a few days

Surely most people take time off work when their child is sick and can't go to school/nursery what do you think they do when both parents work - you can't put a sick child in childcare so one of them needs to stay home, but that is part of working as a parent and not unique to this.

You have my sympathies. I was recently looking for a job and taking calls to even arrange an interview while looking after two young children is a minefield. As you discovered, it just isn’t possible to do a proper phone interview with children in the house. A two year old can never be trusted and that’s totally not their fault. I wouldn’t even do it with a baby at naptime as they could wake up and need you.

It’s really hard to do all the leg work to get back into the workforce without support in place and most people can’t afford nursery until they have a job. At least you do have nursery in place normally and will be arranging a new one. Chalk this up to experience and try again once you have DC in nursery or MIL on hand to look after them. Just think, some people are in your situation permanently so it could be worse.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, we all make mistakes. I would reach out to the interviewer and apologize, explain the situation and say you let your enthusiasm for the job cloud your judgment on this occasion when you had a childcare emergency.

There will be other interviews, until then I would put the kids to bed, pour a glass and try to relax.

And as for the pp who would answer the door during an interview .

Are you serious, RedCrab? Who could take what you’re saying seriously when the screen is displaying your child’s face peering at them, for however long the child decrees?
It does, as pp have said, change the perspective entirely when you’ve admitted that you’re doing this outside your actual business hours, but if you were speaking to actual clients this way it would be hugely disrespectful.
I doubt they’d find it nearly as entertaining or endearing as you do.

I would put the job search on hold for a few weeks until you are able to sort out a new nursery for your DS.

Some companies / networks / industries just have different outlooks though, don’t they? In RedCrab’s line of work perhaps her opinions and insights aren’t automatically rendered less credible or valuable by the presence of her child? I think that’s a good thing!

Anyway, this is reminding me of a time DH needed to speak to US office from home one evening (because of the time difference). He started chatting away on skype, sitting at the dining table, not realising that I was already breastfeeding newborn DD on the sofa behind him, in frame! DD fed constantly at the time and he was so used to me sitting around with a boob out he hadn’t even noticed. I managed to discreetly shuffle out of the frame without disturbing DD. Didn’t seem to damage his credibility...

I don’t think that’s remotely the same thing, Mrs . Do you?

No, I don’t.

But I do think this thread highlights more generally how parenthood can potentially damage a woman’s career in a way that doesn’t seem to affect men.

You gave your 2 year old snacks and left him in another room?

Your dh would have looked every bit as unprofessional if he’d sat your child in his lap and shoved their face into the screen, for the other person to admire their cuteness.
Of course he would . It really isn’t a woman only thing.