Have you ever received a present so shity saying thank you made you cringe?

[BlueMoonAndRedNose]

I turn 50 at the beg of Sept. A friend asked to meet me for coffee yesterday and gave me a gift, she asked me not to open it there and then, but she didn't mean to wait for my birthday either.
This friend of mine turned 50 2 years ago and I gave her a stunning Becksondergaard scarf which she has worn a lot, I see her in photos wearing it all the time.
Got home, opened the present, it is a plain little milk jug. No tag on it, no label, looks unused but old, has a small chip on the handle.
I am not usually materialistic but I think that this is a thoughtless present and nothing, or a £5. bottle of wine would have been more appropriate.

I’d go with Shirley’s plan.

MIL used to give me gardening gloves and snips and things every year, when we didn't have a garden.
Now we have a garden she gets me baking trays for cakes.
I don't bake. I burn stuff if I try.

I have to admit to being a terrible gift buyer. I don't ever go shopping and never had been interested in stuff. If I do have to buy something for myself I usually get it second hand or sturdy but basic which isn't very gift like. I try hard to think what people like but know I usually get it wrong. I tend to ask people now unless I know there is a particular type of nice good stuff they enjoy.
I can write a soppy thoughtful card though if that makes up for it

My DH received a bulk pack of toilet paper for his 30th from his mum. It wasn’t even an in joke or a gag, it was legit his “present” for her. I was gobsmacked.

I threw a nice birthday party a few years ago, fully catered with home made curries and loads of lovely individual desserts - all very time consuming.

An acquaintance turned up with a bottle in a gift bag. It turned out to be Lidl fizzy stuff retailing at £1.29.

They are very comfortably off so no excuses. But I thought it was really shoddy behaviour. I'd really rather she hadn't bothered and I've thought worse of her ever since.

I would actually be quite pleased with a gift like that OP, sounds useful, practical and attractive.

is it an antique?

I would use it as a cream jug but also for flowers.

If it was one of my friends, I would wait until my birthday and then call, laughing, to thank her for the gift, but I'm really sorry I don't get it? 🤔 Why a chipped milk jug for my 50th, does it mean something?

My friends would expect my honesty!

Skittlesandbeer,

I love the freshly home-baked loaf of bread idea!

You're right: simple but thoughtful.

I've just seen the picture OP posted.

It's lovely. I would be really happy with something like that, can you send it to me please?

My husband once bought me fake flowers from a petrol station.... you know the kind.... fabric ones with plastic water droplets stuck in! In all fairness we’d both had a hell of a few weeks and I just don’t think he noticed! I also once asked for one of felt animal heads (reindeer) as a Christmas decoration.... on my birthday he proudly turned up with a mounted moose head! Not felt.... but very real looking! Wtf!!!!! It swiftly got taken back and exchanged for a catch kidston bag! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I wouldn’t be sending a thank you message for a chipped milk jug.

I'm a good baker and my go to gift now is usually a big chocolate cake. It always makes people smile, they love the thought and time that has gone in.

It has produced tears on occasions, nice ones though.
One friend told me no one had ever made her a cake before.

One Christmas my mum got me a three month subscription to Slimming World (I wasn't actively trying to diet although was overweight) and a posh bottle of some kind of French face stuff which I was a bit bemused by (I know nothing about skincare) but said thank you for at the time. My sister told me later it was acne gel and my mum had spent £60 on it.

I spent the whole holiday feeling forlorn about the full season of the West Wing that I'd asked for and she'd said was too expensive but spent more than!

It’s not about how cheap they are, it’s the lack of care and thought that goes in to them. Like someone said upthread, I’d rather have a cheap bottle of wine than a custard jug and tea towel (which I did once receive for Christmas).

This

I try to buy / obtain thighs people will like. I say obtain because a couple of my most well received gifts have been free. One was a makeover at the body shop for a 12 year old, she loved it and took about 5 girls with her.

When I was a teenager I wanted to make Ast a career, I loved art but was not allowed to go to college for art.

I spent my pocket money on materials but never received any as gifts.

I now have a number of health conditions including two forms of arthritis, I find it difficult ot write and cannot draw/sketch any more.

So from my brother and my mum before she died I recieved

Fimo
Paints, brushes and canvas
A ukulele
An adult colouring book and water colour pencils
A picture made from a craft I used to enjoy making

It's like a cruel joke - here have something you can't do anymore.

I really appreciate presents where someone has actually put some thought in. As a teenager, I got some really random presents from my parents, which had no relevance to anything I was interested in. My main Christmas present one year was a storage box for oboe reeds. I played the oboe, but when you buy the reeds, they come in a box anyway. Not the sort of thing you dream of as a 13 year old!

I like it! I would use it for flowers. Sophie Allport is a great designer, too.

Why do people by each other presents? I don’t really understand it. It’s such a waste of money, especially if it’s shit and just goes to the charity shop. Just say that you don’t want to be bought stuff any more and save people the money and the angst.

In the OPs case, why did you feel the need to buy her a horrendously expensive scarf when she obviously doesn’t feel the same about you. It’s just daft really; buy yourself the scarf and be happy, rather than being upset about the shitty present you got from her. I’m not being mean either, just practical. I don’t get why adults can’t just put a stop to all this present swapping. These threads always run to hundreds of posts of crap, which could be avoided if people just put a stop to it and said “no more presents”. No doubt I’ll be called joyless, but then it’s just as joyless to be disappointed in most of what you get.

What also makes me laugh is that everyone on these threads is a fabulous present giver who only ever receives awful presents, so where are the terrible givers?! 🤣

It is a weird present, especially for a 50th birthday.

My MIL once bought me a special dish which you could microwave fish in.
Who the heck, microwaves fish?! And why buy one for your DIL, who only has a microwave for peas and beans. It was just so odd and I took it straight to the charity shop.

I think she's regifted it, she never got round to buying anything then when the day of your meet up arrived she panicked and wrapped something she owned up, she knew it was a crap present and that's why she said not to open it in front of her.

If it had been a funny precursor she'd have watched you open it to see your reaction and maybe let it run a little before springing the suprise on you.

I think it'd make a nice little flower vase though.

@zen1 My parents always bought me random stuff too, or stuff you would just never get a teen.
I got a hairbrush and comb one year for my birthday

A close relative of ours decided to get us monogrammed items for our wedding. A wall hanging and towels 😂

Only they spelt my DH’s name incorrectly on both. Despite the correct spelling being on the invite and my texting it to them ‘just to take sure’.

We just had to throw his out and stick the wall hanging in the loft.

🙄 Same relative did not bother to RSVP and then made a fuss about an ‘allergy’ we didn’t know about... on the day. Directly complained to me about it...at my own wedding! I mentioned they hadn’t included it on their RSVP and they got a bit shirty!

The trouble is that what you might think is a lovely, well thought out gift, the recipient might not think that at all. I have a dear friend who really believed she was a great present giver, but she clearly didn’t get my taste (despite being friends for over 50 years ) she would often sneer about presents she had been given, which to me sounded really quite nice.
Thankfully we have now agreed to no gifts, just treating each other to a nice meal on birthdays/Christmas, much better all round ... if we can agree on the restaurant!

My DM got me food she knows I'm allergic to last Christmas.

I got a pebble off the beach for my birthday once. And a note with it saying it would bring me lots of happiness.
I still have it 🤣

Is there perhaps more to it? Is it an antique? Or a particularly pretty jug she thought you might like.

If it just is a cheap plain jug I wonder is this how she normally is with presents? Or does she normally get you something nice.
She said she didn't want you to open it while you were with her but didn't want to wist until your birthday is that also normal for her when she gives gifts?