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Any top tips for your DC starting secondary school?

128 replies

Joyfulincolour · 30/07/2019 22:07

Following on from the useful thread re DC starting in reception, I just wondered if you had good advice for starting secondary school?

OP posts:
CurtainsAndCords · 01/08/2019 13:37

Really helpful thread. Thanks for starting it.

CarlaJones · 01/08/2019 13:54

I see lots of kids from my dcs' comp wearing coats

Cedar03 · 01/08/2019 14:05

DD wore her coat all winter. Her friend almost never wore hers. But friend has stuck to her jumper all summer because she feels the blouses are see through. So she has basically worn the same amount of clothes in December and June Smile

DD's school won't let you wear coats around the school so they have hooks somewhere to hang them up.

We bought DD's calculator from the school.
Tell them not to be the child who asks the teacher whether they are setting homework or having the test that the teacher has clearly forgotten about. That is the way to make the whole class hate you Smile

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pikapikachu · 01/08/2019 14:13

In a 3-4 weeks or so the supermarkets will start reducing the price of their back to school stationery. Buy the rulers, Pritt sticks etc

Always have a spare printer cartridge. There's a lot of "print out a pic of X" type of homework for some subjects,

reluctantbrit · 01/08/2019 14:34

Pretty sure I repeat others but this is what we learned last year

Copy of pencil case essentials at home. DD’s maths teacher gives detention for missing equipment so if something is broken or lost thre is a replacement at home and will be replaced as well with the next shopping.

Copy of the timetable at a notice board at home, at least for the beginning. I am lost as Dd’s School has a two week timetable and I never remember which week is which but Dd can now.

Big wall calendar to log homework so you have an overview what is due when. DD has to do some each day and if she has days blocked due to hobbies or weekends away she can see it straight away and plan accordingly.

Fixed place to do homework and store books. DD has the possibility to keep books at her locker in school but we know she won’t remember taking the ones home she needs for homework so all is kept in a drawer unit at her desk in her room.

Bag is packed each evening before going to bed.

We have a small packmac coat in the required school colour for rainy days when the umbrella is not enough.

Let her decide which water bottle and umbrella is fashionable. We gave her vouchers to swap against the real thing when she was 2 weeks in school and had an idea what was cool.

Winter coat - DD wears hers when it is cold so don’t pay over the top for one. But most of her classmates do need to walk at least 15-20 minutes, most more, and wil wear one. It has to fit into the locker though.

Arts kit and PE kit stays in school in her locker.

Forget healthy eating in school. DD buys lunch but normally takes a snack and fruit with her apart from Friday when she can buy what she likes. They have a £5 cap per day.

A lot less communication with the parents, the teacher expect the children to log information into their planners and tell the parents unless a permission slip is needed.

Take a photo of all log-in details they get for school websites, apps, intranet etc, they will never remember where they wrote it down.

Let her take some paper slips with her phone number with her, they may exchange numbers with new friends and as usual most won’t know their own number. Encourage exchanging numbers, there will be the day they forgot a homework, lost a letter, can’t remember what is required for art. Because you won’t meet the parents and after one year I only have one mum’s number in my phone unless it is a mum from primary school in the same form.

Encourage her to ask for help. They have to be more independent but teachers and older students will help the newbies when asked. DD got lost between buildings in the first week and luckily spotted a girl she knows from scouts because she was too afraid approaching someone. They all have been there and the school is keen on drumming into them to help others.

UniversallyUnchallenged · 01/08/2019 14:35

Enjoy it! It’s exciting, new - embrace the change

MrsScrubbingbrush · 01/08/2019 14:55

Follow the school's Twitter feed (if they have one) it'll keep you up to date with what's happening.

FreyaB84 · 01/08/2019 19:16

I often get parents telling me that one of the things they struggle most with when their children move to secondary is learning to let go a little. You also see it on this forum quite a lot. Every new school year, people post about being reluctant to let their child go to the house of a new friend because they've never met the parents. Learning to let go can be tough, but it's unrealistic to expect to meet the parents of each friend before your child goes round there.

Try to appreciate that friendships will take time to form, so try not to panic if your child hasn't made a 'best friend' after the first week.

Prepare for the friendship dramas but try not to get involved in petty squabbles and certainly don't say anything bad about a friend your child has fallen out with, as chances are they'll be best mates again before you know it!

One big difference from primary is that they'll need to bring at least some of their books home with them each night, and then of course, remember to bring them back to school when needed! Parents can help come up with a system to help them remember what they need each day, but ultimately it needs to be the child's responsibility. Whilst a parent might be able to take responsibility for forgotten items at primary, that's not going to wash at secondary level.

Don't buy bags or shoes until they've worked out what everyone else is getting (if that's something that bothers them). It saves you spending a fortune only for them to come home on the first day insisting they need a new bag because they want to be the same as their friends.

When it comes to scientific calculators and modern language dictionaries, you can sometimes get a discount if you buy through the school, so try to find out if that's an option. It also makes the teacher's life a lot easier if every pupil has the same make!

Encourage them to use the canteen and try out the library at some stage during the first week. Staff will be more geared up towards the new pupils at this stage than they will be if they come to it later down the line.

CarlaJones · 01/08/2019 19:53

Don't think that because the cool kids in your child's primary school class looked down on/were horrible to them that it will be the same/worse at secondary. Even if they are all going to the same school.

People told me that the cool kids would be far too busy having dramas with the cool kids from other schools to bother about the uncool ones. I didn't believe them but they were right. Plus my dd had a much bigger pool of kids across the year group of 240 to find a big group of friends who are lovely, drama free kids. The classes mix much more at secondary school.

Joyfulincolour · 01/08/2019 21:37

Carla - thanks, that’s good to know as it often crops up with girls.

OP posts:
CarlaJones · 01/08/2019 21:40

Dd1s going into year 11 now and has had a much happier time at secondary

CarlaJones · 01/08/2019 21:43

it often crops up with girls
In our case the mean kids at primary were both sexes

Iwantacampervan · 01/08/2019 21:59

Return permission slips for trips (e mail or paper) as office staff at secondary schools do not ring around parents to remind them. At my eldest daughter's school many girls did not go if the slip wasn't returned even for local visits where numbers were not limited.

BackforGood · 01/08/2019 22:01

@NewMe2019

PLEASE don't try to take photos anywhere near the school. Poor child will be mocked forevermore at best.
Take one in the privacy of your own house or garden or front door only.

In fact, DO NOT take them to the gate, for goodness sake. Use the next month to let them get a feel of how to walk there - even if it is from somewhere you have had to drop them too because of distances and lack of public transport.

NewMe2019 · 01/08/2019 23:54

DS's school is far away. He will be getting dropped each day by hia dad, although I'm doing the first day. So all parents who do give lifts have to drop them off away from the school?

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 02/08/2019 00:04

The book “Going Up”, a guide to starting secondary school. Written in a humorous style, it advises kids how to cope with a lot of their secondary school worries. My children read it and said it helped them. Hope this link works:

www.amazon.co.uk/Going-Up-No-worries-Secondary-School/dp/0713669748/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?hvlocphy=9045836&hvnetw=g&keywords=going+up+book&hvadid=345737345478&qid=1564700288&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI0qyC3eLi4wIVRLDtCh1j9guXEAAYASAAEgLJGvD_BwE&s=gateway&hydadcr=13724_1792224&hvpos=1t1&hvdev=m&hvqmt=e&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=kwd-314566254462&adgrpid=76501188464&hvrand=3481224889926513622&sr=8-1

MuseumGardens · 02/08/2019 00:10

NewMe2019 No it's fine to drop them in the school car park or near the school. It's only walking them to the school /getting the bus with them and walking them to the school gate or further that isn't done

Alislia17 · 02/08/2019 03:50

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reluctantbrit · 02/08/2019 08:15

I had plans to drop DD off at the entrance to the alleyway leading to school but was firmly discouraged as she already made plans to meet with others at a street corner and walk together.

She doesn’t mind getting a lift now and then when I am driving past anyway but it is definitely a case of “do not come near the school entrance”. We weren’t even allowed to help her carry her camping stuff for a residential.

A friend took the same bus with her DD and posted photos, the look really looked embarrassed.

APipkinOfPepper · 02/08/2019 08:22

Thanks for this thread, really helpful! My DC is taking the school bus, so not possible to practise the journey, but unfortunately it is one of the things they are most nervous about.

Banjodancer · 02/08/2019 09:56

Where I live, all school car parks are strictly out of bounds for parents.

Rockbird · 02/08/2019 10:51

Daft question. How do you label their school bags? I'm assuming the big bag tags that they've been using all through primary aren't de rigueur!

TeenTimesTwo · 02/08/2019 11:20

DD's rucksack is named with a sharpie on the inside (the inside is pink so it shows up well). But normally they will contain stuff that is also labelled. It's only an issue if they have an identical bag to someone else they mix with regularly. Her PE bag again is named by sharpie. If it was a dark bag I'd sew a nametape on the inside somewhere.

PhantomErik · 02/08/2019 11:36

Brilliant thread!

My dd is starting yr 6 in September & I'm already a bit nervous Confused

Can I assume nametapes should be simple black lettering?

It's silly things like swimwear & towels that people (including me) got teased for at school. Would you go for basic but branded like Speedo or Adidas for the swimming costume & towels? I had a swimsuit from the school uniform shop & a towel from home Shock - not cool!

Banjodancer · 02/08/2019 13:52

I had no idea you could even buy branded towels Confused

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